(Closed) She only calls when she wants something.

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Hostess
18646 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

I’m sorry!  That’s so stressful.  I don’t have any advice but you have my sympathy.

Post # 4
Member
8354 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2011

I think she just misses you  and is reaching out in her own way. In my opinion, I think kids should help their parents out. Our parents raised us, so when they need help, I don’t think it out of line for them to ask. My mom passed away, and I would give anything to have her call me and ask me to do something for her. And it wouldn’t matter how insignificant I thought it was, I would still happily do it.

Post # 5
Member
255 posts
Helper bee

Again – no real advice but sending virtual hugs!

Post # 6
Member
553 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

I totally understand what you are dealing with…The thing that I have to keep reminding myself is that my mom has just become more needy as she gets older. She has become more nervous about driving herself places or not being able to find her way around town anymore. I think you should have boundaries with your mom and let her know that you need a certain amount of advance notice but I do think that occasionally you just have to do things like that. 

I’m not really close to my mom so it isn’t easy for me to always want to do errands for her or reschedule my day off to do something for her but I know that she has done plenty for me and I think it just becomes necessary to do more for them as they get older. 

I know its not easy believe me! My mom stresses me out like theres no tomorrow! 

Good luck wit these issues. 

 

Post # 7
Member
581 posts
Busy bee

It sounds like it is the last-minute items that are an issue. In those cases, it is frustrating to be expected to stop everything and attend to your mom’s needs.  Especially when dropping the dog off will take three hours with all elements considered.

@#noritake22 has a good point with the missing you idea, so maybe you can just call every so often to just “check up on everything.”  Or make a monthly or bi-monthly lunch date to keep connected.  I think if you do that, she will relax and with ongoing communication, you won’t be surprised by sudden requests.

This is my own (as a mom) perspective.  Your relationship with your parents does change as you get older.  My boys are grown and it’s sometimes hard to keep connected and not be a bother, but it is also hard to be a step away from someone you care about so much.  When children are growing up, you are doing a fast dance with them.  When they are grown, you are doing a slow dance with multiple partners — it takes a while to adjust. 

Maybe you can help your mom adjust.

 

 

Post # 8
Member
2077 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I understand how frustrating it is to feel unappreciated even though you do favors and go out of your way for others…however I think your overreacting a bit.  If my parents ask a favor of me, I do it- No questions asked.  It’s a matter of respecting your elders.

The first situation you gave as an example could have happened because she was stressed out.  I’ve never planned a graduation party before, but I can assume it is pretty overwhelming!  She asked you for a month to help out and you kept refusing (though you didn’t say why in your post) and she reached out one last time the day before only to be told no again.

I also live 30 minutes away from my parents, so I understand also how expensive it can be to visit, but they’re my parents and I’ll make the trip over there if they need me.

I don’t know any background info about your past with your mother, but it seems to me like you need to give her a bit of slack.  Maybe you should make a lunch date and express to her your frustrations, she might understand!

Post # 10
Member
581 posts
Busy bee

Caller ID    I think that is your best solution.   Wink

Your best bet is to learn to ignore her behavior and not let it affect you.  It’s going to be hard, I’m sure.

Post # 12
Member
6661 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

I think you should help your Mom out. Let’s face it, we all owe our Moms a great deal of gratitude for raising us, even if they did a crappy or subpar job. Be thankful she is still around to boss you!

Post # 13
Member
204 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I think a daughter calling her mother childish is childish. She has OCD? That means she’s sick. After 5 years old you stopped getting along? That doesn’t sound quite right because at 5 or 6 years old you still need your mommy and you look up to her.  I agree with the PP who said she probably misses you and feels that you resent her so your relationship is now strained. I also agree that you should be happy that you still have your mom.

Also, a 30 minute car ride is peanuts. My family lives 5 hours away depending on the traffic and weather.  You sound a little spoiled to me.

Post # 14
Member
581 posts
Busy bee

I don’t agree that children owe their parents.  A responsible parent will raise their children to be self-sufficient, responsible adults,. Children are not obligated to pay their parents back for the parenting provided.  A child’s job is to use the foundation offered to create a life for themself. 

In a mutually respectful family, helping each other comes naturally.  In some families it is better that the children keep themselves a step away.  I’ve worked in a job for too many years, seeing too many parents use their children in ways that are despicable.  I wouldn’t judge a son or daughter’s response to their parent because there are too many factors to consider.

Post # 15
Member
1667 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

@bee-gotten: she didn’t say they didn’t get along after she was 5, she said around the time she was 13. If you want to call her spoiled, then at least read the whole post.

Post # 16
Member
204 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

@ktisthatbees: I don’t care how old she was, you never disrespect your parents at any age unless there is a serious issue. Driving 30 minutes to do your mom a favor is not a serious issue. Especially since her mom is sick. I bet if her mom read this thread, she’d be devasted.

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