Post # 1
So my good friend is coming to the wedding (she’s kind of like an unofficial BM but I’m not having a wedding party.) She’s single but dating and she said if the guy she’s not dating now can’t come she has a for-sure backup.
She casually just dropped into conversation today that she is A. No longer dating the guy she was dating and B. Her backup is going on vacation.
So – is it inappropriate to ask her if she’s bringing anyone? I need to know because I really don’t want to pay $150 for her date that does not exist.
Post # 3
I don’t know whether etiquette says it is or isn’t ok to ask, but I sure as hell would. $150 is a lot of money to waste if she isn’t bringing anybody.
Post # 4
I would gently ask her again if she is planning on bringing someone. Just say you need to know the final count. If she says someone is coming then you kind of have to pay for it and eat it if he doenst come unfortunately. I had a couple – old coworker and her husband say they were coming even text me the day of that they were so exciting and they never showed up. Nothing you can really do about it unfortunately.
Post # 5
@strawbabies: Yea – I just hesitate to ask because it’s kind of a sensitive topic. She hasn’t ASKED anyone to the wedding yet aside from them – I’m just learning.
So she RSVP’d with a guest that she’s not sure who it will be and put them down for a meal choice. It’s weird.
Post # 6
I think it would be best to ask. I wouldn’t be offended if the bride confirmed with me when both my options couldn’t come. She may be unsure or may want to wait and see if she can find someone to go – you can leave it up to her whether or not she can keep the +1 open or you could give her a deadline to let you know if she will be bringing anyone.
Post # 7
@FleeSircus: I would approach the subject as an interest in her life. I would probably leave out the $150 detail because it would probably make her feel bad and shine light on the fact that she may be attending a wedding alone. And, tbh even if you are happily single it stings to attend a wedding solo.
Post # 8
@sugar_biscuit: That’s good – I don’t want to mention money. I just don’t really know if she understands that we pay if she doesn’t find a date.
I can always suck it up but we already have some cousins that we’re kind of thinking might no show. So the potential no show costs are really adding up and making me anxious.
Nature of the beast I guess.
Post # 9
When do you have to give final numbers to the venue? I’d wait until a few days before that to ask her, because her plans could change between now and then.
Post # 10
You guys are a lot better than me. I would have responded that I’m sorry she’s no longer with A, and that B is on vacation, so I’ll put a final count for her as 1. Then mention all the other people she’ll know who will be there and looking forward to seeing her. If she won’t know anyone there, then go on about how much you can’t wait to see her, what you have planned, etc., etc.
Post # 11
If she’s such a good friend, I wouldn’t want to risk this causing a rift in your friendship if she were to come solo and leave you footing the bill for her imaginary date. Let’s face it, you would be upset and a little resentful about it – I know I would!
As someone else has said, I’d wait until a day or so before you need your final numbers for the venue/caterer and ask her at that point. I’d explain why you’re asking but I would leave out the cost per plate.