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I'd want to know more about why she said no, first, but my inclination would be that it's over.
I would honestly have to know more about it. Did he know that she didn't want to get married? Is she just not the marrying type? Did she just not want to marry him? My first inclination would be to leave, but I guess it depends on the details.
Personally, unless there was a good reason, I don't think I could live that one down.
I think it would depend on why she said no. If she's loves the guy but needs more time to be ready for that next step in the relationship, then yes. If she doesn't want and/or won't ever be ready for a lifelong commitment with him, then no.
It would depend on if it was "No," with no explaination or "No, not now." How old was buddy and his gf?
100% depends on why she said no. If she wasn't ready, sure I'd stay with her.
If by "no" she means, "I'm not ready or sure yet" then that is just the same as a boyfriend not proposing to a girl for whatever reason until he's ready. It shouldn't be make or break just because the girl was put on the spot, especially when we (generally) give guys months and years to make the decision.
Her reason for saying no was along the lines of her not knowing whether she could see herself being married to him and that she needed more time to think about it.
Eeep! I don't know... that's a toughie. I probably couldn't stay. How long were they together before he proposed?
That sounds like a tough one. I agree that I would talk with her, and see what her hesitation is about. If it's something that can be worked out or just a lack of communication, maybe it's worth a shot to stick around for awhile longer & try again. But if he really wants to marry her, and she doesn't, he might just need to let her go :(
Were they still in school? I think I'd need to know what stage of life they were in too. Were all her friends still not married too?
Definitely leave, when you know you know. If she doesn't think he's the one then she's probably not the one for him either. Poor guy, I feel bad now.
I have a good friend who doesn't believe in marriage (the insitution) it's a little offbeat, but it's who she is. She too was proposed to and said no. She is still with the BF who proposed, but has explained (more in depth) to him that she doesn't believe in the insitution for herself.
P.S. She's a marriage counselor- oh the irony!
that's tough. She already committed to buying a house together, but she's not sure about marrying him? That seems really odd.
I don't think it's necessarily over. Especially if the proposal came out of the blue and they hadn't discussed marriage yet.
I don't think it's that surprising or odd, lot of guys that buy houses together with their girlfriend don't proprose right away. I'd give her time, maybe a year and then reevaluate.
I voted for no but I'm thinking there can be some circumstances that may keep me around if the roles were reversed. I'd need to know why she said no before I could really determine if staying with her was worth it. But, my first reaction is SEE YA! And in the case you're talking about, I'd go. How could you buy a house with someone that you're not sure you could marry? Makes no sense to me but who am I to judge?
I know a girl who turned down a proposal, and stayed with the guy, who made a point of letting her know exactly where the ring was. I don't think I could do that. To me, it's kind of a "shit or get off the pot" question.
it really depends on the situation. to me, it's really not different than a girl who's waiting for her guy to be ready and propose when the guy knows she ready. like, the first time i brought up getting engaged to my now fi can be construed as a sort of proposal...
I agree with Mouse, it sounds like marriage was never discussed between them. I don't think that it means it's over, I think it means that she wasn't ready to say yes at that time and maybe needs time to think if she wants to be married to that man.
...she bought a house with him...a 30 year committment...but she is not sure if she sees herself married to him?? My advice would be the same even if the roles were reversed...they need to take a step back and see if they really have what it takes to build a life together...although they probably should have done that before they purchased the house.
Thats a tough one! I would have to know more of why she said no before i could decide. It it was becuase she didn't love me, didn't ever want to get married, probably not. If it was becuase there is just a lot going on and she isn't QUITE ready, then probably. But I'm really not sure.
That's not a great reason. It sounds like she is weighing her options before committing. Maybe I could see this making sense if they had only been together for a year or something. But what is she doing buying a house with him if she's not sure? I'd leave.
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Just from a personal pride perspective, I'm not sure if I could stick around after that big of a blow to my ego. Plus, the fact that he was at the proposal point and she was most definitely not at the saying "yes" point suggests that perhaps there's a bit of a communication breakdown.
Therem are SO MANY factors that go into this, like so many posters above have said.
I wouldn't be able to stay in agony ... that would tear me apart!!
There has to be more to the story to answer that question. My good friend that I am a BM for in a wedding next month originally said, "no."
Thanks for the responses. FI actually asked me to post this one because he wanted to see what you would say. For the record, FI said that if he was his buddy, it would have been over.
Apparently "B" and his gf had discussed marriage and hence why they went forward and bought the house together. This was all very strange to our circle of friends, but who are we to judge.
Catlady, did your FI propose the moment you were ready or the moment you brought up the subject of marriage and implied you were ready or did you never let him know you were ready before the proposal?
Discussions of marriage and an actual proposal aren't the same thing. Good on her for taking it seriously and not saying yes just because he asked. Sorry if I'm defensive but I get so annoyed that it's almost expected in our society that guys drag their feet about proposing (not my guy or many guys I know who really want to get married) and girls are expected to say yes.
And doesn't it bother you that your FI said if you hadn't been ready when he was he wouldn't have waited for you?
Okay, sorry I'm done being personal now. For the record I suspect your FI would have actually waited because saying things in abstract and actually acting when in a real relationship are different things.
hmm I would say yes, i'd stay with the person. buying a home together is a huge life transition. I reckon that she is just being honest and taking things one step at a time. it is a lot less expensive and less heart breaking to deny a proposal when you aren't ready then to call off a wedding
i dont think i can say yes or no without knowing the situation better.
Wouldn't you discuss this kind of thing before you bought a house with somebody? Call me crazy...
I would have to question the future of the relationship and really do not think I would have stayed.
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This happened to one of my FI's closest friend. A few years ago, his buddy (let's call him B) bought a home with his gf and then proposed to her. Surprisingly she said no.
Put yourselves in B's shoes. Would you stay with the girl even after she rejected your proposal?