Post # 1
This is my very first post so I am going to address the topic of my very first problem! First let me give you some background information. I have been dating my fiance for 8 years and when we finally get married it will be closer to 10! So, as you may have guessed (and like every other little girl) I have been dreaming and planning for quite some time! Just the little things like the theme or where I want it to take place. For my side of the family, I am the first granchild to get married and therefore this is quite an exciting event. For my fiance’s side, this is the third wedding in his immediate family and the second within a year. Which brings me directly to my problem.
Imagine trying to have a conversation with your MIL about your ideas only to be told, “When we get done with (My future Sister-in-law)’s wedding, we will talk about yours.” To get my point across, their wedding is in late August, which leaves about 8 months until mine. Not to mention that my future sister in law is not a planner nor is she even excited about her wedding and is very behind on everything. YYYYYOOOOWWWWWZZZEEERRRSSSS!!!!!!! I know you are all out there thinking “THAT IS PLENTY OF TIME” but I work two jobs (one of which is full time), am finishing my bachelor’s degree, and am paying for the entire thing.
Needless to say, I am so frustrated. I feel like they (as in his family) are putting my wedding on the backburner because it’s their third one and is a year away. I don’t feel like a year is a long time considering how ridiculously busy I usually am, not to mention that I am a DIYaholic. Now that I have ranted and raved I am anxious to hear what you bees have to say!
Future Mrs. Robertson
Post # 3
Why do you need their participation? Just start planning.
Post # 4
@Ayaden: Try to not let it bother you. I have few people to talk to in real life , most of my family have not ever cared about weddings and are used to back yard bbq affairs. And I sometimes forget that other people are not going to be excited about a wedding that is a good ways off, and most people do not find joy in thinking about every little detail that goes into a wedding. It’s nothing against you, it’s them lol.
But you have the weddingbee now 🙂 Trust me , you will find lots of help and support here, and will find comfort when you want to relish over a little detail. And since most of us are wedding planning ourselves , or just got married/ loves helping plan weddings- we will care a tad bit more , since all we think is wedding, wedding, wedding. Honestly I usually take the advice I get on here much more seriously than the 2 or 3 words I get out of a family member when I mention something lol.
Have an awesome turnout for a DYI project? Figured out the color of your BM’s shoes? Found the perfect set of china or cake topper? More than likely nobody in real life will care- but share it with us – we will celebrate with you !lol.
Post # 5
I agree to just start planning without them. My FIL’s are barely involved in the process at all. They haven’t offered to help us financially, even though they could comfortably do so, so they get no say in the planning. We occasionally fill them in on things we’ve done so far but we don’t ask for help or opinions. Good luck with your planning and welcome to the bee!
Post # 6
I agree with both posts. 1) start planning (without them) and 2) you have Weddingbee for advice now
Sorry that your MIL is so not supportive…
Post # 7
My MIL was actually upset I think that I didn’t involve her more than I did – DH and I did everything ourselves, and just kept our parents apprised of what we were accomplishing. For the control-freak in her when it comes to her baby boy, it must have driven her batty 🙂
Post # 8
I would only ask them questions relating to them or let them know kindly things they need to know. It would be great if all in laws and immediate family always reacted with the appropriate excitement, but it doesnt happe unfortunately.
There are brides whose immediate family doesnt seem to care, brides whose in-laws care too much etc.
And to reiterate what @iheartnerds: said, most people dont care as much as you do so come here to share! Try not to talk too much about the small details with people unless they ask because otherwise you will get the “They dont care vibe” which is always a bummer.
Post # 9
I am so sorry they are acting like that.
I know what you are going through. Our wedding is like the last wedding on both sides of the family. So everyone has already gotten married and they are done with weddings and wedding talk. I just learn to keep it to myself when I am around them unless I am asked something. I really only get to share ideas and stuff with my wonderful mother and my bridesmaid. I have learned that no one will care about your wedding as much as you do. So to heck with them!
Post # 10
that stinks, I would just start planning forget that!
Post # 11
i know how you feel – i got engaged last july, my SIL got married that august and i got married this past february (so about 6 months after her) but i was actually the one that hushed the wedding talk until after her big day – luckily for me i only had to wait a month but his parents were the same way – “lets get through this one first, let her have her day and then we will work on yours” i didnt really need anything from them except a guest list, and to talk about rehearsal dinner so i put it off until later down the road.
Get planning girl! i know its tough to hear them say that, and they should have been a little more sensitive about it but you dont need approval from them.
Post # 12
@Ayaden: I would try not to let it bother you. Remember it’s never going to be as important to you as it is to everyone else. You take care of your planning and that should be enough.
However, I do agree that you have plenty of time. I got engaged and got married in 9 months and planned quite an elaborate wedding. I’m a VP for a large company and I work 80 hours a week. Everyone is busy.
Post # 13
I can understand where you’re coming from, I was having a similar problem with my FI’s family up until this point. I have 9 months until my wedding, but like you wanted to start planning ahead. I felt like they weren’t interested or excited about our wedding, even though I knew that they love me. But now that I am REALLY starting to plan and his parents know that the date is getting closer and closer, they are really stepping up and so is his family. I just went and purchased my wedding gown with my FMIL, who actually paid for the dress. We discussed that she was excited to be a part of the experience, and later talked about all they would do for us as in paying for things and what not.
I guess my point is, don’t give up or get too discouraged. I would start planning what you can, and have your FI talk to his parents separately, and just get them interested in it. It may take time for them to get warmed up, if that makes sense, but this doesn’t mean that they don’t care or don’t want to be involved. I realy do wish you the best and hope that things get better for you. I would say get all of your DIY projects out of the way, anf for example, if you finish a DIY thing, show them! That’s what I did with my DIY bouttonneires, I showed my FMIL them and I think that is what sparked her interest more becuase she felt important and like se was actually a part of the planning instead of just there to help pay. So I wouldn’t stress too much, I’m sure things will fall into place, and you will have PLENTY of time to get everything done. 🙂 Good luck and I wish you the best with your planning!