Post # 1
So I’ve moved over 30 times in my life. It’s given me the chance to meet some incredible people and meet wonderful friends, some who have made a lasting impression on me.
So naturally my first thought is to ask my best friends from other states to be my bridesmaids. The three closest friends I’ve had over the years that I still keep in contact with. We just got engaged last Saturday so invitations for next year haven’t even been made up yet BUT I wanted to give my bridesmaides plenty of notice since a couple of them live on the other side of the country.
So I call one of my best friends. I live in South Carolina and she lives in Oregon. Yeah, big difference there! Well I asked her if she would be a bridesmaid for our wedding next April, she tells me “If I can save up money for a plane ticket”. I don’t expect her to come but I’d kinda like a more sure answer right?
Since my RSVPs wont be due back until February and likely she wont be responding or know until that point, I can’t really chance this right? It wouldn’t give much time to find a replacement have the dresses ordered and such…
She’s wonderful and I would love for her to make it and I don’t want to be rude at all and would love her to be standing byme like she did so many times before, but I’m kinda worried that she wont make it with that response. How do I go about getting a more definite answer? Should I pick another bridesmaid in her place? If so do I just let her be the possible extra bm or do I nicely withdraw my offer? IDK, I’m kinda new at this lol
Post # 3
@pinkgreenandyellow: I would talk to her, and let her know you understand her $ concerns, that either 1) you need to know definitely by X date and/or 2) you’d be willing to help her with the cost of a dress, or whatever else might be required. That she could stay with a local friend, so she wouldn’t have to pay for a hotel, that she can wear wahtever shoes she wants, that she can do her own makeup, etc. I will be in the same situation– with friends all over— and in the end, it’s most important for me for them to be there. I think showing her that you’re willing to help her out logistically and financially may make her feel more certain she can do this. Being a Bridesmaid or Best Man can be expensive even without a flight.
Post # 4
Don’t take away your offer. It sucks she can’t give you a more definite answer, but you can’t take away your offer without being rude and likely hurting her feelings. If it were me, I’d just have her be a bridesmaid, and if it doesn’t work out, it doesn’t work out. I’m sure she’ll decide by the time it comes to order her dress. I doubt she’d want to commit to buy a dress if she didn’t know if she can come.
Post # 5
- Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry
She has a YEAR to save up for a ticket, her dress, etc. If she saves just $50 a month, that’s $600. $75 gives her $900.
You’re not going to be ordering their dresses for probably another 6 months, so I wouldn’t worry to much about it now. If you end up with more groomsmen than bridesmaids, no big deal, a lot of people have uneven numbers. Check back with her when your order the dresses, to see if she’s been able to save.
Post # 6
I think all you have to do is ask her to have date by when she will know for sure. Hopefully before the invites go out, and around the time you need to find dresses for your girls. I think she will agree to that, and she seems to be a reasonable and thoughtful person, but a lot of people would have said yes right off the bat before really thinking about if they could make it.
Post # 7
To be fair you have only been engaged how long? A week? Give her some time to think more about it and then call her again to get a more detailed answer. Maybe she has some money issues going on that she is embarrassed to tell you about.
Post # 8
Thanks everyone. She has been a wonderful friend and I do hope so much that she can make it. I’ll see what options I can find for her in saving money, and just wait it out. My fiance said he pictured 3 bm’s and 3 gm’s, So I picked and asked the 3 closest people throughout the years. If I’m going to have to pick a different bm I’d better start looking, maybe I should just go ahead and ask a 4th and if all 4 end up making it, have my brother step in as a fourth gm? He’s really close to my fi so I think they would both go for it… But I wont ask my brother until I know more certainly.
She’s been there through so much, I’ll wait for her. I just really hope she makes it…
Post # 9
perhaps there s more to it.. she may also think she needs to pay for her BMs dresses, jewellery shoes bag..all these have to be taken into account… plus accomodation..
Post # 10
And also, your wedding may not be her ONLY wedding as a BMs in the next few months.. she may be also saving for other girlfriend’s wedding too…
(sorry, just putting your scenario in a different perspective)