Post # 1
So I have a friend who as soon as she found out I was engaged started sending me bridesmaid dresses. She also did this to my friend Jenny for her wedding. She wasnt going to have her in her wedding but when she assumed she was a bridesmaid Jenny added her so she wouldnt hurt her feelings. I love her dearly but honestly she and I have drifted apart. Im only trying to have 5 bridesmaids and she wasnt one of them. How do I break the news to her without devastating her?
Post # 3
@linds_hey: I wouldn’t make a big deal about it. Just ask those you want, and let it be with her. She should get the idea, right?
Post # 4
@linds_hey: I would be honest and tell her now ” I know you are very excited for my wedding and I appreciate that. I need you to know that I am limiting the number of bridesmaids and won’t be abe to include you. I am sure you will understand that I simply can’t have all my friends as bridesmaids.”
Much kinder to clear this up now, rather than let her continue in her delusion.
Post # 5
@linds_hey: Just tell her that you already chose some friends but you might have another role for her once you really get into your planning. It’s a nice way to blow her off.
My sister (she’s my half sister, we’re 6 years apart and only speak like 2-3 times a year) thought she was a bridesmaid. I wrote to her about RSVPing and she said something like “So do you have bridesmaids beause I hadn’t heard anything about fittings and stuff.”
I was like O_o huh? Thankfully Fiance was sitting there and stopped me from sending an overly direct message back (I was texting) and gave me the perfect thing to say. This may work if your friend has a boyfriend. “Well, I have some friends already chosen to be bridesmaids. I want you to attend, have fun! And perhaps your boyfriend might get some ideas from the wedding… *hint hint*” That made her giggle and all that so it softened the blow.
Post # 6
@linds_hey: ouch, this is a tough one. I would ask the girls you want to ask, and if she continues to assume she’s a Bridesmaid or Best Man, then you might have to break it to her gently. Just say you’ve picked your BMs and really hope she can attend as a guest.
If you DO want to include her in some way, you can always ask her to do a reading. That’s kind of a nice compromise.
Post # 7
Could you make her a hostess or part of a house party?
That’s what I’m doing with my friends that I’m no longer as close to. They are invited to all of the parties and dinners. They’ll get a corsage or w/e they want. They may even wear a certain outfit if they really care to. They just won’t walk down the aisle. They’ll help with other things though.
Post # 8
@TaurianDoll: Oh my goodness, +100 for your Fiance.
That’s an awesome way to deal with it!
Post # 9
It’s an awkward one but you shouldn’t have to include someone if you don’t want them to be a bridesmaid, jst because they “assume” they are… it sounds like this friend likes the ideaof being a bridesmaid if she did this for someone else too? Anyway, I recommend drafting a communication now to let her down gently before she actually goes and buys a dress and presents you with it.
Post # 10
What about having her be a personal attendant or something like that?
Post # 11
@linds_hey: Whatever you do– DONT make her a bridesmaid. That was very rude of her to assume that… seriously, manners??
Just tell her that the suggestions were sweet, but you and your birdal party already have something else in mind.
Post # 12
- Wedding: October 2014 - Restaurant
I have a similar friend that I don’t see too often, who asked me if she could be a bridesmaid in my hypothetical wedding… I’m not even engaged yet! Jeez, I said “yes” because I was so shocked, going to have to deal with that later down the road…
Post # 13
Similarly, one of my Bridesmaid or Best Man thinks she’s my Maid/Matron of Honor, when I specifically asked her to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man, and my sister is my Maid/Matron of Honor. She’s made the assumption as my sister lives out of state. When you break to yours, let me know how!!