She traveled for my wedding, but not invited to hers?

posted 2 years ago in Photos/Videos
Post # 2
1878 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2013 - Valparaiso, IN

Maybe she has a huge family and couldn’t invite a lot of friends. I know my family was 150 of our 200 guest list.

Post # 3
1719 posts
Bumble bee

I doubt she attended your wedding just to show off. 

I think this situation is far more simple than you think it is. You invited her to your wedding, so she went, had a good time, and gave you a nice gift. When it was time for her wedding, she might have figured that since the two of you aren’t close any more, there wasn’t a need to invite you. 

I don’t think there are any ulterior motives here. 

Post # 4
7052 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

sofialovesmikey:  I agree it’s strange. I’m guessing she was travelling to your town anyway. Or, it’s possible that she’d already finalised her guest list (weird to do that 6 months early, but it happens).

I wouldn’t send a gift. A card maybe. but a gift kind of cries “why didn’t you invite me?”

Post # 5
9526 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

I think you’re reading way  too much into this. She bought you an expensive gift and drove ten hours to show off? I don’t think so. She came because she wanted to be there for you. Who knows why she didn’t invite you. But I doubt it was to hurt you. Get over it. No big deal.

Post # 6
223 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

sofialovesmikey:  I get what you’re saying. I would be thinking the same thing if I was in your position. It’s probably the case of you thinking you guys were closer friends than what she thought. I think if she thought you guys were good friends even at one time, that she even attended your wedding, she would at least have the  courtesy to let you know why you weren’t invited or invite you. It just kinda shows she doesn’t care about your friendship. I know I would take that into consideration if I had attended a friend’s wedding. To either call them and let them know why I can’t invite them or would invite them. And I don’t think it’s necessary to send her a gift. Maybe just a text saying congratulations if you care to have a relationship with her. 

Post # 7
129 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Well, I for one think this is strange. The first thing I thought: your wedding invitation was lost in the mail!  

Post # 8
382 posts
Helper bee

sofialovesmikey:  I am in a similar position, though on the side of your old friend, so I don’t think it is strange. I also don’t think you should take it personally or assume she had ulterior motives for coming to your wedding.

In my case, last summer I traveled about 14 hours (2 1/2 by plane) to attend the wedding of a friend I grew apart from over the years. I assume she invited me because we had been close for a long time and she wanted me there to celebrate with her. Since I was genuinely happy for her and was in a position to do so, I went to support and celebrate with her. It was wonderful to catch up and see that we have both been happy and blessed over the years. I won’t be inviting her to my wedding for a few of reasons. Mostly because it is important to FI and I that we invite people who are actively in our lives and who know, support and love us- versus “knew” us. Also, both of our mom’s are inviting tons of family and family friends (cultural expectation) so the list is already much bigger than we would like. We could very well end up in the 200+ range.

There could be any number of perfectly good reasons you didn’t get invited and you will likely never know the actual one. Maybe her DH has a large family. Maybe there are a lot of people who are actively in her life that she wanted to invite. Maybe her or her DH’s parents filled the guest list. Assume the best and appreciate the reconnection you had with her at your wedding. If you want to re-establish a relationship with her, give her a call or invite her to get together some time. You are under no obligation to send a gift, but if you want to do something to celebrate her union you can totally do so.

Post # 9
7290 posts
Busy Beekeeper

Weddings and life are not tit for tat. Inviting someone to your wedding does not obligate them to invite you to theirs. For someone who says they are not angry or upset you sure are displaying signs that you are!

Post # 10
671 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

Doesn’t matter that she doesn’t HAVE to invite her etc, that’s not the point PPs. OP just thinks it’s weird and doesn’t need a lecture.

It is weird. But I reckon she thinks you’re not as close. I wouldn’t send her a gift or a card… in fact I probably wouldn’t say anything! Unless you see her somewhere or can easily see it all on FB or something. Then I’d just say a quick congrats. 

Post # 11
1102 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

People are weird.

Post # 12
918 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

Tell her how hurt you are by her selfish behavior. I’d understand if she had a tiny, intimate wedding with only immediate family present but come on…

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