(Closed) She wants her dress… no, not that one

posted 8 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
654 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

So your friends have already bought/picked out bridesmaid dresses BEFORE your engaged? I definetely think that she SHOULDNT say anything. Let him propose when hes ready. If you pressure him he just will get frusturated.

Post # 4
Member
3098 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2009

I agree with pp. Let him do this in his own time.

Post # 5
Member
3709 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

My vote is to leave him alone. Have you guys had “the talk” to determine if you are both on the same page as far as marriage is concerned? If not, have the talk….come to an agreement on timeline and then let him do his thing. I know for me there is nothing worse than an “outsider” commenting to be about my relationship. I see it as an unwelcome intrusion and I usually tune out whatever that person has to say.

Post # 6
Member
4385 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I would leave him alone. Pressure sometimes has the opposite effect that you’re hoping for. This is really something he needs to do in his own time!

Post # 7
Member
1207 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

Def gotta leave him alone, if you pressure him the ring could take longer to get here.

Post # 8
Member
4024 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Sorry, got to agree. Leave him alone! As tempting as it is. The pressure could make him wait longer, and none of us want that!

Post # 9
Member
4567 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I’m in the majority here! Let him do it himself, especially if he doesn’t know your friends well/ they annoy him. It sounds like they’re a tiny bit overbearing (picking out their own dresses… before you’re even engaged?). February is still a ways away (trust me, I’m counting DOWN to it because that’s when I’m getting engaged) and he has lots of time. Just focus on your relationship now.

Post # 11
Member
1813 posts
Buzzing bee

honestly, men respond better to logic than any other nudging..I was in a similar situation w/ timing w/ my DH (except no ill relatives involved…best wishes)

My hubby didn’t do well w/ ANY form of nagging, including from friends/family.  But, when I calmly explained “if you want to get married in Feb, I have to have my dress ordered by ‘X’ date” then he understood and told me to start shopping, that he was still on board….So, we went the unofficial engagement route (though I still have a hard time calling it that, bc I still felt like we weren’t engaged) and he proposed 6 mos before the wedding date we’d set.  Now, I do think it is trickier if you have friends spending their $$$ on this and not just you.  If it really is the right time, though, suddenly off the rack dresses and smaller venues won’t seem to matter as much…just don’t let them build up and get bitter if you decide to hold October and make other sacrifices, since you have to make some sacrifices anyway, unless you have an unlimited budget.

Also, do you think his dad being sick is affecting him more than you realize and maybe that’s not putting him in the proposing mood?

Post # 12
Member
5389 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: December 2010

No. My friend joked to my boyfriend about it and he took offense to it. We were already hearing it so much and to him she was just nagging. He felt that it was none of her business and she was asking him because he was slacking. (He wasn’t slacking, he just wants to save up and be able to support us when we become a family).

 

Post # 13
Member
188 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

there is nothing wrong with having a conversation about it, you two need to be on the same page. but after you have made it very clear what you want, dont bug him about it. trust me, it only takes longer!

Post # 14
Member
1732 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Letting your friends pressure him is worse than you doing it.  They should not be in that conversation at all!

Post # 15
Member
64 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: March 2010

I’m in the “leave him alone and let him do it in his own time” camp. I would, however, clarify to him that it will be difficult to plan a wedding for October without X number of months. That way, he knows what you need, and after that, drop it.

Definitely do not encourage your friend to say anything. Think about it: if you were a parent, would you want unsolicited child rearing advice? No, not so much. Same goes for wedding stuff, and doubly so for men.

Post # 16
Member
455 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Your friends will be totally out of line to say anything to him about proposing.  Too much pressure for one person.  He might start having second thoughts about the marriage if your friends seem too involved in your relationship.  He’ll do it on his own time. 

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