Post # 1
I decided not to say anything to my BF about getting married until my birthday in Feb., but what do you think about letting a friend say something (not telling her to)? My two best friends recently picked out their bridesmaid dress for my wedding. My friend J. asked me if she can tell my BF something like, “Listen buddy, I want my purple dress, so you better get on that.” I showed him the dress, so he would know what she’s talking about (I think). Should I tell her to leave him alone or let her have at him?
Post # 3
So your friends have already bought/picked out bridesmaid dresses BEFORE your engaged? I definetely think that she SHOULDNT say anything. Let him propose when hes ready. If you pressure him he just will get frusturated.
Post # 4
I agree with pp. Let him do this in his own time.
Post # 5
My vote is to leave him alone. Have you guys had “the talk” to determine if you are both on the same page as far as marriage is concerned? If not, have the talk….come to an agreement on timeline and then let him do his thing. I know for me there is nothing worse than an “outsider” commenting to be about my relationship. I see it as an unwelcome intrusion and I usually tune out whatever that person has to say.
Post # 6
I would leave him alone. Pressure sometimes has the opposite effect that you’re hoping for. This is really something he needs to do in his own time!
Post # 7
Def gotta leave him alone, if you pressure him the ring could take longer to get here.
Post # 8
Sorry, got to agree. Leave him alone! As tempting as it is. The pressure could make him wait longer, and none of us want that!
Post # 9
I’m in the majority here! Let him do it himself, especially if he doesn’t know your friends well/ they annoy him. It sounds like they’re a tiny bit overbearing (picking out their own dresses… before you’re even engaged?). February is still a ways away (trust me, I’m counting DOWN to it because that’s when I’m getting engaged) and he has lots of time. Just focus on your relationship now.
Post # 10
Thanks everyone, my inclination was to tell her not to, but I feel like I should clarify a few things/get more advice.
I don’t feel like I’ve been pressuring him. We had the timing conversation last month and he brings up marriage all the time. The issue is his dad is seriously ill, and he wants to have a baby while his dad can enjoy having a grandchild. We discussed that, for that to work, we should get married next October at the latest (otherwise, because of my job, it would be another 15 months at least). Well, it’s almost December, and now I’m freaking out because I have a huge extended family and live in the San Francisco Bay Area, so it’s going to be hard to find a decent venue nearby for a 200+ person wedding at this point.
So that’s the context behind my friends picking out the dress- I think they’re trying to help start planning little things so I don’t feel overwhelmed.
I stopped talking about it because I assume he doesn’t want to propose right after I’ve told him he better do it if he wants to get married in the time frame we discussed. I figure Feb. is the latest point where it would still be possible to plan an early Oct. wedding so I’m hoping he does it before then. I basically don’t know what to do at this point, which is why I almost let my friend say something (which I totally agree is a bad idea). I want him to do it on his own, but I also don’t want us both to be upset if he waits too long and the timing doesn’t work out. Oh engagement chicken, when will you finally work your magic?
P.S. In case any of you were wondering about the dress responsible for this post: http://www.disneybridal.com/collection/maidens/maidenindex.html?princess=sleeping_beauty I’m such a cheeseball, I love that it’s Disney 🙂
Post # 11
honestly, men respond better to logic than any other nudging..I was in a similar situation w/ timing w/ my DH (except no ill relatives involved…best wishes)
My hubby didn’t do well w/ ANY form of nagging, including from friends/family. But, when I calmly explained “if you want to get married in Feb, I have to have my dress ordered by ‘X’ date” then he understood and told me to start shopping, that he was still on board….So, we went the unofficial engagement route (though I still have a hard time calling it that, bc I still felt like we weren’t engaged) and he proposed 6 mos before the wedding date we’d set. Now, I do think it is trickier if you have friends spending their $$$ on this and not just you. If it really is the right time, though, suddenly off the rack dresses and smaller venues won’t seem to matter as much…just don’t let them build up and get bitter if you decide to hold October and make other sacrifices, since you have to make some sacrifices anyway, unless you have an unlimited budget.
Also, do you think his dad being sick is affecting him more than you realize and maybe that’s not putting him in the proposing mood?
Post # 12
No. My friend joked to my boyfriend about it and he took offense to it. We were already hearing it so much and to him she was just nagging. He felt that it was none of her business and she was asking him because he was slacking. (He wasn’t slacking, he just wants to save up and be able to support us when we become a family).
Post # 13
there is nothing wrong with having a conversation about it, you two need to be on the same page. but after you have made it very clear what you want, dont bug him about it. trust me, it only takes longer!
Post # 14
Letting your friends pressure him is worse than you doing it. They should not be in that conversation at all!
Post # 15
I’m in the “leave him alone and let him do it in his own time” camp. I would, however, clarify to him that it will be difficult to plan a wedding for October without X number of months. That way, he knows what you need, and after that, drop it.
Definitely do not encourage your friend to say anything. Think about it: if you were a parent, would you want unsolicited child rearing advice? No, not so much. Same goes for wedding stuff, and doubly so for men.
Post # 16
Your friends will be totally out of line to say anything to him about proposing. Too much pressure for one person. He might start having second thoughts about the marriage if your friends seem too involved in your relationship. He’ll do it on his own time.