Post # 1
I don’t usually come on here with issues, but I needed some insight to see if I was being unreasonable or if my friend a.k.a. The Bride was…
So long story short, my friend is getting married in August. She has 4 bridesmaids, including myself. Well 2 of the bridesmaids haven’t planned a single thing for the shower. They haven’t even come to meet with us when we set up times to meet… And actually none of us have meet one of the bridesmaids…
Anyways the Maid/Matron of Honor and I have been planning the shower. Along with the Bride, who would not let us plan without her. The whole then has been just a terrible experience. I pretty much have been left to do everything because I am the only organized one and I apparently have the funds to do a shower.
Well we’ve got her shower pretty much all set up and now she wants a second shower thrown by her Future Mother-In-Law… I was about ready to scream. Along with her wedding, my sister is getting married in less than 2 months, not to mention I have my own wedding I’m planning… I cannot afford a second shower! I thought it was going to ber her Future Mother-In-Law planning and paying for it, but it turns out that is not the case…
So now she wants to meet with us about this second shower… She is planning for July, which is the busiest month for me. I already planned one shower, I do not have the time or funds to plan another shower. Heck, I don’t even think she deserves 2 gifts from me!!
I’m stuck on what to do. I don’t want to look rude, but I think 2 showers is a bit much. If her Future Mother-In-Law wanted to plan and execute the shower all on her own, that’s fine. But she’s requiring the help of all of us… and that I can simply not provide. Am I being unreasonable in not wanting to give her another shower? What would you do Bees?!!!
Post # 3
I had multiple showers, but that’s because multiple people offered to host (and pay!). Ultimately, she can’t require or demand that you host her a second shower. It’s already very generous that you are throwing her the first. I’d nicely tell her that due to time and money, you’re not able to host an additional shower in July, but if her future mother-in-law wants to throw one, maybe you’ll help her set with set up on the day of? (If you can commit to that.)
Post # 4
If her Future Mother-In-Law wants to throw one then she should be hosting it. Are her in- laws invited to the one you are hosting?
Post # 5
I had 2 showers, one planned by my Maid/Matron of Honor and a little help from one bridesmaid (one was Out of Town, and the other was pregnant and just didn’t volunteer) and the 2nd shower was one my Future Mother-In-Law wanted so she and her friends planned that one on their own.
If the Future Mother-In-Law wants to plan it then let her, you don’t have to plan 2 though. I even told my BM’s they didn’t need to come to the 2nd one even though they were invited. One did because she’s my SIL so it was planned by her Mother-In-Law too, and the other came because she’s got way too big of a heart!
Post # 6
I’m sorry but the bride sounds very controlling and selfish. I’ve never heard of a bride tell or even ask someone to give her a shower. If someone offers, wonderful, but she should have no involvement in essentially trying to plan a shower for herself. Secondly, if you have volunteered to throw her a shower, that is great, but it is beyond inappropriate for her to expect you to host a second shower! As a bridesmaid, you should be invited to all showers, and she should be gracious that you are hosting a shower, being in her wedding and possibly attending a shower thrown by her Future Mother-In-Law (not even getting to how it violates all etiquette rules for a mother of the bride or mother of the groom to throw a shower!). You are not being unreasonable one bit, and the bride seems to have serious control issues! I feel bad for you having to deal with this added stress when it sounds like you have enough on your plate and already going above and beyond for her.
Post # 7
Is she requiring or requesting? Maybe she’s hoping the BMs who didn’t help out much before will for this one?
Some of the close people to the bride like the wedding party do attend 2 or more showers, but they aren’t expected to give gifts at both!
Post # 8
I want two bank accounts full of money but it’s not happening.
I would just tell her if she wants the second shower hosted by her Future Mother-In-Law then it will have to be organized and funded by her Future Mother-In-Law. Don’t make it emotional, state it as fact. You’ve done what you could for round one, and now you don’t have the resources required for a second. End of story.
Maybe I’m just reading all the crazy posts today but it sounds like it’s crazy season for bridezillas today!
Post # 9
@EmilyJoy: first of all, since when does the bride get to have any input on her own shower? WTF is that? A bride should never expect/ ask for a shower, let alone 2! If her Future Mother-In-Law wants to throw her a shower that’s on her. It is not your responsibility to get involved. Show up if you are invited and your schedule allows it, and that’s it. Don’t give her gifts for 2 showers. I can’t believe the nerve of some people!
Post # 10
@EmilyJoy: why aren’t you splitting the cost of the first shower with the other bridesmaids. tell everyone that this is the price and what you expect from them.
then, tell the bride, if she wants a second shower by her Future Mother-In-Law, then the Future Mother-In-Law can plan, host, and pay for it.
but all in a nice way,
Post # 11
I do not belive you are obligated to attend both showers. If her Mother-In-Law wants to throw a shower, that’s great…tell the bride that Mother-In-Law can take care of all that business.
Post # 12
I had three showers all hosted and paid for by different people who wanted to throw one. This double shower thing could be nice for your BMs as they are hosting one and can then attend the other one as a guest only, meaning they can relax and enjoy.
Is the bride asking the BMs to financially contribute to both showers? I would talk with her to see what is expected of you and the other BMs when it comes to the Future Mother-In-Law shower.
Post # 13
There’s nothing wrong with having two showers… but like others said, there IS something wrong with the bride requiring any certain person to host or help pay for them!
Post # 14
@Aquaria: Actually there are quite a few Bees who are demanding a lot of input into their showers.
@EmilyJoy: If your shower is being hosted by the bridal party, then I would ask them all to contribute. If it is being hosted by you and the Maid/Matron of Honor, the costs should be shared.
You under no obligation to host one shower, much less two. Simply tell the bride that it is not possoble for you to plan or host another shower. Tell her that you will be happy to attend and offer assistance if the Future Mother-In-Law plans a shower. You do not need to give a gift.
Post # 15
@Gemstone: And I think there is nothing wrong with multiple showers if multiple people agree to host and pay and plan it all!
@MrsBeck: Yes, they’re invited!! But I guess her Future Mother-In-Law wants ALL the women from her side, I’m talking about 30 people to be invited to the shower we currently planned… I guess the Bride was shocked to hear this, but I was shocked to hear she hadn’t talked to her Future Mother-In-Law about people she wanted to invite…
@MrsSawyer: See now, I think that you telling your BMs that is nice and reasonable. I would gladly come to the shower if I could. I am okay with Future Mother-In-Law planning the shower, If she plans it all and I get an invite like any other guest!
No, you’re exactly right. She’s been terrible the whole time. We were going to throw her a shower of course, but she set up meeting times to plan it and demanded certain things. And in the end I’m planning it and doing all the work, not her MOH… I realized there is a reason brides don’t plan their own showers by doing this… haha! Oh and the best part, she already excused one Bridesmaid or Best Man from helping with the second shower b/c she can’t financially afford it, but I’m supposed to have more than enough money to pitch in…
She is requiring… It wasn’t a request for us to help, it was pretty much a demand since she realized she can’t do this alone… Like I said, I’ll go, but I can’t give another gift haha.
@sanjessica: Hahaha you have no idea how hard I laughed at this!!! I think that is what I am going to have to do. I’ve already told her 2 weddings in less than a month plus my own is making me broke haha. No, I think you’re right. It’s definitely Bridezilla season!!!
@Aquaria:You are exactly right!!! That is what I have beenthinking this whole time!! She has been a tyrant too!! She likes nothing and hates every suggestion… I feel like, if you’re going to plan your shower and then turn around and ask us to pay for it… that’s just wrong!!!
Post # 16
@ajillity81: Well that’s my thought right? I’ve totaled everything up and will be telling each of them what they owe. But this far, nobody has shown up to plan anything, so nobody has contributed!! Her Maid/Matron of Honor bought one thing, and she excuses it b/c she says she’s broke… I’ve already let her know that if the other girls can’t pay, she will have to pitch in their share. Haha yes, in a nice way, I’m thinking of a way to do that now!!
@missrobots: Those are my thoughts exactly!
@Treejewel19: See and I think 3 showers hosted by 3 different people is fine!! I agree, it would be nice to go to a shower as a guest. She is asking us to financially contribute. I asked her that right away b/c she was so vague about her shower that most of the girls didn’t realize they would have to contribute to it.