Post # 1
What would you do, if you know that someone’s going to hate her bachelorette party? And what would you do if you hated your own bachelorette party and found out that your fiancé knew everything in advance? So this is not an issue (anymore), but it has been a few weeks ago and I’m still wondering. (The following is just the story behind the question, you don’t need it for an answer 😉 )
My SO’s brother is going to marry in September and his fiancee (let’s call her Jill) is having her bachelorette party tomorrow (Yes, somehow her moh thought it would be a funny idea to have this party half a year in advance).
Jill and I aren’t close, but we had a few talks about this whole bachelor/bachelorette party thing. She clearly said that she doesn’t want a party at all (for a lot of reasons), so she’s gonna be quite surprised but worse, she’s gonna hate it.
Her MOH planned everything (!) Jill mentioned as a reason for NOT wanting a party. For example: Jill finds the idea of getting a stripper utterly disgusting and doesn’t want the kind of attention you get on a bachelorette party. MOH planned not only one, but six strippers. They’re going to a show where Jill will be seated on a stage, tied onto a chair with six strippers around her (sth like the chippendales, but more brummagem (hope this word is correct) as they’re using oil and foam and stuff like that. I saw a video and you just feel emberrassed fo the poor ladies on the stage). There will be games, quizzes, a limo and three locations which require six hours of train riding and an hour of walking and Jill wearing a costume and a wig while everyone else is wearing black.
So I had a feeling that Jill won’t like this and talked to my bf who knows her for 11 years and he agreed. Both of us talked to the MOH. She still thought her idea was great so my bf talked to his brother (the groom) – same opinion. He, too, tried to talk the MOH out of this but she insisted on her opinion that Jill is going to love it.
So my bf’s brother decided to do nothing about it and just let it happen. What would you have done if you were me? (Keep in mind that I just ‘know’ Jill, because it’s the same family. We’re not friends, nor do I know her MOH, we’re just getting along quite good.) And what would you do if you were Jill, hated your party and found out that your fiancé knew everything months before, including the fact that you’re going to hate it?
Looking forward to your answers! 🙂
Post # 2
I’d tell her, but that’s me coming from the angle that I’d detest that too, and I’d want someone to warn me. If I was Jill I would walk out the moment I twigged what it was.
Post # 3
I would warn her if nothing else. That all sounds horrible to me too and something I’d hate as well. At least she’ll have a heads up and can tell her MOH no.
Post # 4
If you tie someone to a chair, against her will, isn’t that against the law?
That whole scenario would be friendship ending, with the MOH, to me.
Post # 5
aventurin : Omg, I would leave if I got tied to a chair with strippers. That sounds like a nightmare. I’m not sure perhaps give her a heads up about the strippers.
Post # 6
I would no longer have a moh
Post # 7
I see nothing wrong with telling her, especially since she told her MOH everything she doesn’t want , and MOH did it anyways. Who does that? It’s probably MOH’s style, and she doesn’t get that other people wouldn’t like it.
Post # 8
Why didn’t the FI say something? That bothers me more than the rediculous MOH
Post # 9
I would call her and say you don’t want to spoil the surprise but you’re worried she won’t enjoy it and is there anything she’d hate and want warning about. This then starts the conversation and she can lead it in regards to how much she finds out.
i would have been fuming with my now husband and my bridesmaids who were the closest girls to me!
Post # 10
Well…at least Jill has time to find a new MOH. Id definitely tell, no matter how I knew her. Also, if it were me I’d really be reconsidering marrying a guy that knew and didn’t do anything to stop it. Let’s face it, if he really wanted to keep her from experiencing that he could.
Post # 11
aventurin : I hate those things as well. How inconsiderate of the MOH but unfortunately it seem (from what I saw and heard) the best man and the MOH often organize the bachelor/bachelorette to what they themselves want to do. In my opinion, it is a selfish act. One of the groom that I was working for told me he told his best man he didn’t want strippers or anything like that, he is a sport guy and he wanted to play golf or fishing or something with his best mates. His best man wanted to have a stripper party, the whole thing so he organize the later.
If I was in your position I will give her a head up and warn her so she can decide for herself if she will goes with it or not. If I was her, I would walk out as soon as I understood what will happen and it will probably be ending our friendship our at the very least strained.
So what happens? Did you told her? Did she walk out or got through this?
Post # 12
You did all you can and more. Telling her in advance is really not your role. Her FI should have stepped in. Just bring your own car to the event and be prepared to work her out if requested.
Post # 13
I would be upset. MOH sounds horrible. We probably wouldn’t be friends after this and DH would wish he had told me after the fact because he’d hear about it for a while.
What is it with people doing things for themselves and not for the people they’re supposed to be for?