The BF and I have set our date. We're going to put the deposit on the church and the venue this week.... until we find out that his cousin (female) has changed her wedding date from a later month to the weekend after ours!
I am so sad/angry/depressed/uncomfortable with this arrangement. I've voiced my opinion that this is sooooooooo not cool yet, no one in their family seems to really think it's much of a problem. Everyone I speak to, my coworkers and my friends think that it's a huge issue... and some have even resorted to calling her unpleasant names.
I do not want to share my wedding month with anyone! I even avoided her month when we were first looking for dates knowing that it's her wedding month and I wanted her to have it all to herself. What kind of karma is this?!?!?
what do i do? i am so sad. weddings are supposed to be happy.. not miserable.
maybe there's a reason they bumped up their date and no other dates work?
are the families tight?
also maybe tell her- you can't attend her wedding if its the weekend after as you will be blissfully lounging somewhere exotic for your honeymoon and you don't want to miss her wedding...
I know you are dissappointed, but just keep in mind she probably had a good reason for needing to change her wedding date, and she is not doing it specifically to piss you off. You still get to have your day, and on the bright side, at least you get to go first.
I feel your pain...my sister is planning a shotgun wedding and it sounds like it, too will be in my wedding month! I've been planning mine for over a year and she just announced this 3 months before the wedding. How can people be so rude? It's like a month's time doesn't make that much of a difference.
Her wedding is still after yours and many of the guests (your side of the family and your friends) won't even be at her wedding. Maybe she changed it to make it easier for traveling family members on her side to attend both weddings?
I feel you. In a similar situation with my nephew. Thing is, it's their wedding too and if they want that date, there is no reason they can't have it.
So basically, I think you have to just stop thinking about. Note I didn't say get over it, because you can't really. If you try it will just keep coming back to haunt you. So just try not to think about it and focus on your own wedding. You really don't want your wedding to be sad so make that your motivation for forgetting about it.
Forgive me for sounding obtuse, but how is a wedding that happens AFTER yours stealing your thunder? If anything, points of comparison will be made to YOUR wedding, not hers..
And again, forgive me, but this "sharing your month" thing... I honestly think that it's a non-issue.
You can't claim an entire month as your own. She didn't pick the same weekend. Get over it.
I can understand being upset if say it was your best friend that did this, but it's his cousin... if she's not in your wedding party, I don't see how it's a big deal at all (meaning that if she WERE in your wedding party, she probably wouldn't be able to help out as much).
She is not stealing your thunder. Sorry, but I also think this is a non-issue
you're sharing your wedding month - day, even - with thousands and thousands of strangers. is his cousin's wedding going to cut down on your guests' attendance? is she using your colors? is she copying your first dance song? did she book the same venue? if not, then really, who cares? everyone will be excited that they get to see their loved ones and have some fun two times in such a short time span.
I can see why you may feel upset, but this person is going to be a part of your family forever. It's probably best to realize, as others have said, that her wedding will be after yours (and therefore compared to yours). I am sure that you will be so blissed out to be a newlywed that you won't even notice!!
I failed to mention that she originally picked the Saturday before mine. The bf had a cow and thus made her change it... only it didn't do so much.
I understand both sides.. being upset and seeing it as a non-issue. To me, it's a big upsetting issue. Why? Because unlike her, when I found out she was using a specific month (for example - April), I let her have her glory and picked a different month like October. When she found out that we were going with October, she still kept October. She didn't extend the same courtesy as I did.
Her reason? Is school. If that's the reason, I see no reason not to have it in a month prior to mine when she's not in school.
I know it can seem such a small non issue but as the bride, I want my glory/spotlight/thunder damnit. I know I'm not crazy bridezilla about this because people seem to agree with me. The main reason I'm pissed off? I'm pissed cuz I'm pissed. Why should the happiest time in my life be consumed by unhappy feelings? I want everyone to enjoy this family affair on his side BUT they can't cuz they'll have to be worrying about her wedding too. It also sucks that I'm sitting here at work crying when I should be working!
Maybe it's the only child in me that's coming out. Yeah, let's blame that. ALL MINE.. MY PREEEEEEEECIOUS~~~ ALLL MINE!!!!!!!!!!
Ummmm, I agree. There are literally thousands of people getting married that month; dozens in the same town where you live; a handful on the same day. Depending on your venue, there may be somebody getting married right before or right after you in the same church, or having a reception in the ballroom next door at the same time. Just because you are related to one of those women doesn't take anything away from your event.
And really, the summer is pretty short. When we scheduled our wedding, looking at all the constraints we already had as far as time and availability of our venues and vendors, we had 2 weekends to choose from. I would guess that it's not ideal for your cousin to be getting married a week after your wedding, but the timing was best for her for other reasons.
And I agree - at least she didn't schedule it the week before, or the same weekend. If that's the biggest thing you have to be upset about, then I would give thanks that everything else is going so well and move on.
sorry but i must say this reaction is an overreaction. it's just not a big deal. it's after your wedding. the world does not revolve around only one wedding.
i would just find a way to relax. you might just be stressed from the wedding. get a massage, catch a movie, exercise, etc.
you'll look back on this and probably realize that it really wans't important. what is important is a happy and succesful marriage. focus on the things that really matter in life.
ooops! i just read you "update". the reasons are even more absurd now. you are trying to control(!) when someone else gets married! thats absurd.
I honestly don't see why this is an issue. I especially don't get why brides think that they can claim an entire wedding month/week/etc...we get one day.
I don't think the cousin changed the wedding date to be spiteful. There are a ton of reasons why she has to change. Being a bride yourself, you should be more sympathetic than anybody else. If you are hurt that the change of date makes you unable to attend due to your honeymoon, that's more understandable, but if you think she's trying to steal your thunder, I think you should let it go.
I think this is a non-issue as well. You get one day, and that's it. nothing more. And for that day, all eyes will be on you and you will be the center of attention and people won't be thinking about her wedding, but that's all you get.
Do some yoga and relax. The important thing is you're getting married on the date you want to the man you want.
Ladies, callalillies needs the opportunity to vent. We should let her...
callalillies,
Vent girlfriend, let it out- here only. Let it go soon though... and go back to being the best and greatest addition to the family you are marrying into. Take the high road and continue your wonderful planning without spite, surround yourself with people who do not have ill intentions and try to remember a wedding is just a day. Look at your man and bask in the warmth and glow of what is to soon become your new life....
I agree, Sparkles, these boards also serve as a place for some of us to vent. I feel like some of the repsonses we a little harsh. Come on ladies, we don't want to make each other feel attacked, do we? Let her get her frustrations out, I'm sure she realizes that at the end of the day people will do what they want to do and we really can't change that.
shhhh. Callallies.... (Don't tell anyone, but when the cousin has kids-- that is the time to strike. you buy her kids all the noisiest... musical making, sound jarring toys you can find. Get toys that require THE MOST BATTERIES and give them to this said cousins children. That way- there will always be sheer chaos! The children will constantly ask for the batteries to be placed in their toys... and this will be your silent way of sweet revenge.) but you didn't hear this from me.
It's kinda like in Sex and the City when Charlotte's getting married to Harry and she says, "But it's my wedding week!" To that, Samantha responded, "You get a DAY. Not a week."
She's getting married the weekend AFTER you. Big deal. Let's be honest, she's obviously not putting as much thought into her wedding as you are since you've been planning for longer and there's also a good chance that out of town guests will only be able to make it to yours and not hers since hers is the next weekend.
Silver lining to this sucker? Since you're both getting married in the same month, why don't you turn the "tragedy" of this all into a chance for your family to come together and celebrate the two of you in a huge way! She's family! Not your worst enemy.
I'll admit, I would be upset too. I'd be worried about people who can only make it to one wedding.
You can vent all you need to. I'd feel annoyed if FH's cousin did that to me. thank goodness we've been engaged over 2 years and have had our wedding date chosen since we got engaged, so everyone knew. I'd be so upset though if someone in the family planned it on the same day or the weekend after (esp. because i wouldn't be able to go, obviously, hello honeymoon).
The BF and I have set our date. We're going to put the deposit on the church and the venue this week.... until we find out that his cousin (female) has changed her wedding date from a later month to the weekend after ours!
I am so sad/angry/depressed/uncomfortable with this arrangement. I've voiced my opinion that this is sooooooooo not cool yet, no one in their family seems to really think it's much of a problem. Everyone I speak to, my coworkers and my friends think that it's a huge issue... and some have even resorted to calling her unpleasant names.
I do not want to share my wedding month with anyone! I even avoided her month when we were first looking for dates knowing that it's her wedding month and I wanted her to have it all to herself. What kind of karma is this?!?!?
what do i do?
i am so sad. weddings are supposed to be happy.. not miserable.
posted by callalillies 68 posts 6 months agodid you talk to her about it?
maybe there's a reason they bumped up their date and no other dates work?
are the families tight?
also maybe tell her- you can't attend her wedding if its the weekend after as you will be blissfully lounging somewhere exotic for your honeymoon and you don't want to miss her wedding...
posted by beesknees 274 posts 6 months agoI know you are dissappointed, but just keep in mind she probably had a good reason for needing to change her wedding date, and she is not doing it specifically to piss you off. You still get to have your day, and on the bright side, at least you get to go first.
posted by DrB 107 posts 6 months agoI feel your pain...my sister is planning a shotgun wedding and it sounds like it, too will be in my wedding month! I've been planning mine for over a year and she just announced this 3 months before the wedding. How can people be so rude? It's like a month's time doesn't make that much of a difference.
posted by Lillindy 283 posts 6 months agoHer wedding is still after yours and many of the guests (your side of the family and your friends) won't even be at her wedding. Maybe she changed it to make it easier for traveling family members on her side to attend both weddings?
posted by gingerbread 98 posts 6 months agoI feel you. In a similar situation with my nephew. Thing is, it's their wedding too and if they want that date, there is no reason they can't have it.
So basically, I think you have to just stop thinking about. Note I didn't say get over it, because you can't really. If you try it will just keep coming back to haunt you. So just try not to think about it and focus on your own wedding. You really don't want your wedding to be sad so make that your motivation for forgetting about it.
Happy wedding planning!
posted by Candi1024 304 posts 6 months agoI completely agree with mrsallgood.
You can't claim an entire month as your own. She didn't pick the same weekend. Get over it.
I can understand being upset if say it was your best friend that did this, but it's his cousin... if she's not in your wedding party, I don't see how it's a big deal at all (meaning that if she WERE in your wedding party, she probably wouldn't be able to help out as much).
She is not stealing your thunder. Sorry, but I also think this is a non-issue
posted by kpenn 54 posts 6 months agoyou're sharing your wedding month - day, even - with thousands and thousands of strangers. is his cousin's wedding going to cut down on your guests' attendance? is she using your colors? is she copying your first dance song? did she book the same venue? if not, then really, who cares? everyone will be excited that they get to see their loved ones and have some fun two times in such a short time span.
posted by amysue 643 posts 6 months agoI can see why you may feel upset, but this person is going to be a part of your family forever. It's probably best to realize, as others have said, that her wedding will be after yours (and therefore compared to yours). I am sure that you will be so blissed out to be a newlywed that you won't even notice!!
posted by ErinMarieMack 266 posts 6 months agoUpdate
I failed to mention that she originally picked the Saturday before mine. The bf had a cow and thus made her change it... only it didn't do so much.
I understand both sides.. being upset and seeing it as a non-issue. To me, it's a big upsetting issue. Why? Because unlike her, when I found out she was using a specific month (for example - April), I let her have her glory and picked a different month like October. When she found out that we were going with October, she still kept October. She didn't extend the same courtesy as I did.
Her reason? Is school. If that's the reason, I see no reason not to have it in a month prior to mine when she's not in school.
I know it can seem such a small non issue but as the bride, I want my glory/spotlight/thunder damnit. I know I'm not crazy bridezilla about this because people seem to agree with me. The main reason I'm pissed off? I'm pissed cuz I'm pissed. Why should the happiest time in my life be consumed by unhappy feelings? I want everyone to enjoy this family affair on his side BUT they can't cuz they'll have to be worrying about her wedding too. It also sucks that I'm sitting here at work crying when I should be working!
Maybe it's the only child in me that's coming out. Yeah, let's blame that. ALL MINE.. MY PREEEEEEEECIOUS~~~ ALLL MINE!!!!!!!!!!
I think I have every right to dislike her.
posted by callalillies 68 posts 6 months agoUmmmm, I agree. There are literally thousands of people getting married that month; dozens in the same town where you live; a handful on the same day. Depending on your venue, there may be somebody getting married right before or right after you in the same church, or having a reception in the ballroom next door at the same time. Just because you are related to one of those women doesn't take anything away from your event.
And really, the summer is pretty short. When we scheduled our wedding, looking at all the constraints we already had as far as time and availability of our venues and vendors, we had 2 weekends to choose from. I would guess that it's not ideal for your cousin to be getting married a week after your wedding, but the timing was best for her for other reasons.
And I agree - at least she didn't schedule it the week before, or the same weekend. If that's the biggest thing you have to be upset about, then I would give thanks that everything else is going so well and move on.
posted by suzanno 1,984 posts 6 months agosorry but i must say this reaction is an overreaction. it's just not a big deal. it's after your wedding. the world does not revolve around only one wedding.
i would just find a way to relax. you might just be stressed from the wedding. get a massage, catch a movie, exercise, etc.
you'll look back on this and probably realize that it really wans't important. what is important is a happy and succesful marriage. focus on the things that really matter in life.
ooops! i just read you "update". the reasons are even more absurd now. you are trying to control(!) when someone else gets married! thats absurd.
posted by SugaryRocks 60 posts 6 months agoI honestly don't see why this is an issue. I especially don't get why brides think that they can claim an entire wedding month/week/etc...we get one day.
I don't think the cousin changed the wedding date to be spiteful. There are a ton of reasons why she has to change. Being a bride yourself, you should be more sympathetic than anybody else. If you are hurt that the change of date makes you unable to attend due to your honeymoon, that's more understandable, but if you think she's trying to steal your thunder, I think you should let it go.
posted by furelysse 59 posts 6 months agoI think this is a non-issue as well. You get one day, and that's it. nothing more. And for that day, all eyes will be on you and you will be the center of attention and people won't be thinking about her wedding, but that's all you get.
Do some yoga and relax. The important thing is you're getting married on the date you want to the man you want.
posted by livvie 88 posts 6 months agoLadies, callalillies needs the opportunity to vent. We should let her...
callalillies,
Vent girlfriend, let it out- here only. Let it go soon though... and go back to being the best and greatest addition to the family you are marrying into. Take the high road and continue your wonderful planning without spite, surround yourself with people who do not have ill intentions and try to remember a wedding is just a day. Look at your man and bask in the warmth and glow of what is to soon become your new life....
posted by Sparkles 96 posts 6 months agoI agree, Sparkles, these boards also serve as a place for some of us to vent. I feel like some of the repsonses we a little harsh. Come on ladies, we don't want to make each other feel attacked, do we? Let her get her frustrations out, I'm sure she realizes that at the end of the day people will do what they want to do and we really can't change that.
posted by Lillindy 283 posts 6 months agoshhhh. Callallies.... (Don't tell anyone, but when the cousin has kids-- that is the time to strike. you buy her kids all the noisiest... musical making, sound jarring toys you can find. Get toys that require THE MOST BATTERIES and give them to this said cousins children. That way- there will always be sheer chaos! The children will constantly ask for the batteries to be placed in their toys... and this will be your silent way of sweet revenge.) but you didn't hear this from me.
posted by Sparkles 96 posts 6 months agoIt's kinda like in Sex and the City when Charlotte's getting married to Harry and she says, "But it's my wedding week!" To that, Samantha responded, "You get a DAY. Not a week."
She's getting married the weekend AFTER you. Big deal. Let's be honest, she's obviously not putting as much thought into her wedding as you are since you've been planning for longer and there's also a good chance that out of town guests will only be able to make it to yours and not hers since hers is the next weekend.
Silver lining to this sucker? Since you're both getting married in the same month, why don't you turn the "tragedy" of this all into a chance for your family to come together and celebrate the two of you in a huge way! She's family! Not your worst enemy.
posted by thenewmrsw 22 posts 6 months agoI'll admit, I would be upset too. I'd be worried about people who can only make it to one wedding.
You can vent all you need to. I'd feel annoyed if FH's cousin did that to me. thank goodness we've been engaged over 2 years and have had our wedding date chosen since we got engaged, so everyone knew. I'd be so upset though if someone in the family planned it on the same day or the weekend after (esp. because i wouldn't be able to go, obviously, hello honeymoon).
posted by futuremrsbrown 30 posts 6 months ago