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The BF and I have set our date. We're going to put the deposit on the church and the venue this week.... until we find out that his cousin (female) has changed her wedding date from a later month to the weekend after ours!
I am so sad/angry/depressed/uncomfortable with this arrangement. I've voiced my opinion that this is sooooooooo not cool yet, no one in their family seems to really think it's much of a problem. Everyone I speak to, my coworkers and my friends think that it's a huge issue... and some have even resorted to calling her unpleasant names.
I do not want to share my wedding month with anyone! I even avoided her month when we were first looking for dates knowing that it's her wedding month and I wanted her to have it all to herself. What kind of karma is this?!?!?
what do i do? 
i am so sad. weddings are supposed to be happy.. not miserable.
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did you talk to her about it?
maybe there's a reason they bumped up their date and no other dates work?
are the families tight?
also maybe tell her- you can't attend her wedding if its the weekend after as you will be blissfully lounging somewhere exotic for your honeymoon and you don't want to miss her wedding...
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I know you are dissappointed, but just keep in mind she probably had a good reason for needing to change her wedding date, and she is not doing it specifically to piss you off. You still get to have your day, and on the bright side, at least you get to go first.
I feel your pain...my sister is planning a shotgun wedding and it sounds like it, too will be in my wedding month! I've been planning mine for over a year and she just announced this 3 months before the wedding. How can people be so rude? It's like a month's time doesn't make that much of a difference.
Her wedding is still after yours and many of the guests (your side of the family and your friends) won't even be at her wedding. Maybe she changed it to make it easier for traveling family members on her side to attend both weddings?
I feel you. In a similar situation with my nephew. Thing is, it's their wedding too and if they want that date, there is no reason they can't have it.
So basically, I think you have to just stop thinking about. Note I didn't say get over it, because you can't really. If you try it will just keep coming back to haunt you. So just try not to think about it and focus on your own wedding. You really don't want your wedding to be sad so make that your motivation for forgetting about it.
Happy wedding planning!
I completely agree with mrsallgood.
You can't claim an entire month as your own. She didn't pick the same weekend. Get over it.
I can understand being upset if say it was your best friend that did this, but it's his cousin... if she's not in your wedding party, I don't see how it's a big deal at all (meaning that if she WERE in your wedding party, she probably wouldn't be able to help out as much).
She is not stealing your thunder. Sorry, but I also think this is a non-issue
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you're sharing your wedding month - day, even - with thousands and thousands of strangers. is his cousin's wedding going to cut down on your guests' attendance? is she using your colors? is she copying your first dance song? did she book the same venue? if not, then really, who cares? everyone will be excited that they get to see their loved ones and have some fun two times in such a short time span.
I can see why you may feel upset, but this person is going to be a part of your family forever. It's probably best to realize, as others have said, that her wedding will be after yours (and therefore compared to yours). I am sure that you will be so blissed out to be a newlywed that you won't even notice!!
Update
I failed to mention that she originally picked the Saturday before mine. The bf had a cow and thus made her change it... only it didn't do so much.
I understand both sides.. being upset and seeing it as a non-issue. To me, it's a big upsetting issue. Why? Because unlike her, when I found out she was using a specific month (for example - April), I let her have her glory and picked a different month like October. When she found out that we were going with October, she still kept October. She didn't extend the same courtesy as I did.
Her reason? Is school. If that's the reason, I see no reason not to have it in a month prior to mine when she's not in school.
I know it can seem such a small non issue but as the bride, I want my glory/spotlight/thunder damnit. I know I'm not crazy bridezilla about this because people seem to agree with me. The main reason I'm pissed off? I'm pissed cuz I'm pissed. Why should the happiest time in my life be consumed by unhappy feelings? I want everyone to enjoy this family affair on his side BUT they can't cuz they'll have to be worrying about her wedding too. It also sucks that I'm sitting here at work crying when I should be working!
Maybe it's the only child in me that's coming out. Yeah, let's blame that. ALL MINE.. MY PREEEEEEEECIOUS~~~ ALLL MINE!!!!!!!!!!
I think I have every right to dislike her.
Ummmm, I agree. There are literally thousands of people getting married that month; dozens in the same town where you live; a handful on the same day. Depending on your venue, there may be somebody getting married right before or right after you in the same church, or having a reception in the ballroom next door at the same time. Just because you are related to one of those women doesn't take anything away from your event.
And really, the summer is pretty short. When we scheduled our wedding, looking at all the constraints we already had as far as time and availability of our venues and vendors, we had 2 weekends to choose from. I would guess that it's not ideal for your cousin to be getting married a week after your wedding, but the timing was best for her for other reasons.
And I agree - at least she didn't schedule it the week before, or the same weekend. If that's the biggest thing you have to be upset about, then I would give thanks that everything else is going so well and move on.
sorry but i must say this reaction is an overreaction. it's just not a big deal. it's after your wedding. the world does not revolve around only one wedding.
i would just find a way to relax. you might just be stressed from the wedding. get a massage, catch a movie, exercise, etc.
you'll look back on this and probably realize that it really wans't important. what is important is a happy and succesful marriage. focus on the things that really matter in life.
ooops! i just read you "update". the reasons are even more absurd now. you are trying to control(!) when someone else gets married! thats absurd.
I honestly don't see why this is an issue. I especially don't get why brides think that they can claim an entire wedding month/week/etc...we get one day.
I don't think the cousin changed the wedding date to be spiteful. There are a ton of reasons why she has to change. Being a bride yourself, you should be more sympathetic than anybody else. If you are hurt that the change of date makes you unable to attend due to your honeymoon, that's more understandable, but if you think she's trying to steal your thunder, I think you should let it go.
I think this is a non-issue as well. You get one day, and that's it. nothing more. And for that day, all eyes will be on you and you will be the center of attention and people won't be thinking about her wedding, but that's all you get.
Do some yoga and relax. The important thing is you're getting married on the date you want to the man you want.
Ladies, callalillies needs the opportunity to vent. We should let her...
callalillies,
Vent girlfriend, let it out- here only. Let it go soon though... and go back to being the best and greatest addition to the family you are marrying into. Take the high road and continue your wonderful planning without spite, surround yourself with people who do not have ill intentions and try to remember a wedding is just a day. Look at your man and bask in the warmth and glow of what is to soon become your new life....
I agree, Sparkles, these boards also serve as a place for some of us to vent. I feel like some of the repsonses we a little harsh. Come on ladies, we don't want to make each other feel attacked, do we? Let her get her frustrations out, I'm sure she realizes that at the end of the day people will do what they want to do and we really can't change that.
shhhh. Callallies.... (Don't tell anyone, but when the cousin has kids-- that is the time to strike. you buy her kids all the noisiest... musical making, sound jarring toys you can find. Get toys that require THE MOST BATTERIES and give them to this said cousins children. That way- there will always be sheer chaos! The children will constantly ask for the batteries to be placed in their toys... and this will be your silent way of sweet revenge.) but you didn't hear this from me.
It's kinda like in Sex and the City when Charlotte's getting married to Harry and she says, "But it's my wedding week!" To that, Samantha responded, "You get a DAY. Not a week."
She's getting married the weekend AFTER you. Big deal. Let's be honest, she's obviously not putting as much thought into her wedding as you are since you've been planning for longer and there's also a good chance that out of town guests will only be able to make it to yours and not hers since hers is the next weekend.
Silver lining to this sucker? Since you're both getting married in the same month, why don't you turn the "tragedy" of this all into a chance for your family to come together and celebrate the two of you in a huge way! She's family! Not your worst enemy.
I'll admit, I would be upset too. I'd be worried about people who can only make it to one wedding.
You can vent all you need to. I'd feel annoyed if FH's cousin did that to me. thank goodness we've been engaged over 2 years and have had our wedding date chosen since we got engaged, so everyone knew. I'd be so upset though if someone in the family planned it on the same day or the weekend after (esp. because i wouldn't be able to go, obviously, hello honeymoon).
LoL. Sparkles, your response was great!
I was thinking the same thing thenewmrsw wrote. You get a DAY; not a week. On your day, everyone will be thinking of you and your hubby and no one else. And on her day, everyone will be thinking of her. Could be worse, she could've had a kid and picked the name you were going to name your child. (that's in reference to another SATC episode! LoL)
Look at it this way: your wedding is first. You get the dibs on all the cool stuff for the wedding....like photobooths or anything creative and original. Anything she does will look like she copied or unoriginal since your wedding is the weekend before. Just do your best to plan the wedding of your dreams and to make it your's and your FI. And while you're planning the wedding, keep the details under wraps. You don't have to share details with her or anyone that isn't directly involved in planning. That way she can't borrow (steal!) your plans. If people ask, simply say it's a surprise! And make sure you send your STD and invitations before her!!
Oh, and don't tell her about Weddingbee so you can have all the hive's kick butt projects and ideas to yourself! 
Wait a minute -- are you getting married Oct 2008?! That's only four months after me! You're totally stealing my wedding year thunder!
UPDATE 2
I don't know how to update in the OP so I'll just leave it as a comment like my update #1.
Sparkles - Thankyou and the other ladies for your support. You had me LOL-ing there.
I am writing this and sharing a part of my life with strangers so that my story can be a learning experience for all and I am very disheartened that some ladies will leave unfriendly comments. Maybe it's because it's not their own wedding and that's why they don't see it as a big issue? Who knows. But as some of the ladies wrote, this is a place where stressed out brides can come and vent to people who have had similar experiences and to get good advice. It's not a place to judge and scorn.
Maybe my writing came off as snobbish and selfish. What do you expect when writing with so much emotion? But to leave unfriendly comments ... I personally wouldn't do that because it's not nice.
My feelings were hurt greatly throughout this whole ordeal and I know that if she keeps her wedding date to after mine, I'll probably get over it. It doesn't take away from that fact that I'll still be a teeny tiny pissed but that is the best that I can offer at this point. The FH was upset at the fact that he couldn't do anything to make me feel better thus his voice reflected anger in our phone convos which made me even more sadder and madder.
I am glad tho, that she did move it from our date, to the week before to the week after.
Thank you to all ladies that were supportive and to those not, I've put a hex on you. jk. :)
Sandpapertoung - All dates were examples and I don't think the board appreciates your unnecessary comments.
Take a deep breath! I hope you feel better and not worst from the comments, but really, do try to put things into perspective. You sound terribly upset and it is only subtracting from your own happiness NOW. Even if she did this on purpose, you getting upset only make it more satisfying for her (though I doubt she intentionally did this...it doesn't sound like she did this on purpose).
And if you insist on having your special month, you can still change yours since you haven't put down your deposit yet. You can't control when other people want to get married.
Ok, so let me get this straight...you would be ok with her getting married the month BEFORE you, but not the week AFTER? She would totally be stealing your thunder getting married before you, but the week after your wedding, you'll be on your honeymoon with your new husband not giving a crap who is getting married anywhere in the world, won't you? Seriously, I'm an only child, so I get the selfish thing, but that's just ridiculous. I'm all for support, but people need to be told when they are acting like a loon. Hex me or not, you need to relax and enjoy your planning. It will all work out!
Ok, well I feel like I'm actually in a very unique situation here, as I have a very good friend who is getting married less than a week after I am. So maybe I can give a little advice here.
I got engaged last summer, and within a month pretty much had my date, and all of my vendors picked and had contracts. Within 3 months I had my bridesmaids, their dresses and my dresses ordered.
My fried got engaged at Thanksgiving. She proceded to pick the Friday after my wedding even though she knew for 4 months that mine was going to be the week before.
I wasn't angry or frustrated, I was and am, perhaps a little annoyed because we have to cut our honeymoon short to go to the wedding. However, my day is Saturday, I will be the center of attention on Saturday, and I know that this is probably the last day of my life in which I will ever truly be the star of the show, because lets face it once you have kids they become the star. I only need a day, and I'm happy for my friend to have HER day.
And look at it this way. His family may "know you" but your family "KNOWS YOU" these people won't be at your wedding, just his, so take a deep breath and worry about things that matter, like why does a photographer get 4000 dollars for 8 hours of work and then charge you more money to get the rights to your photos, or how can I keep great uncle albert from getting too drunk and groping the bridesmaids? There are much larger things to stress over, and you haven't even gotten to the stressful parts yet. Don't sweat the petty stuff, it's not worth it.
I have to say Calla Lillies, I to have experinced rude and unplesent responses to things. This place is supposed to be for venting, asking, helping and supporting but of all the places I have ever posted on I have encountered more rude and nasty comments on wedding bords then any other type.
I have learned to let it roll off my back and simoply skip over those nasty comments. Sure they are entitled to their opinion, but no where does it say you have to read it. It's tough when you open up and are already emotional to be attacked.
I understand where you're coming from in your post,. your confused and upset, people are attacking the small discrepencies in your posts insted of lending a shoulder and handing out helpful advice.
I'm sorry she's getting married so close to you. I can understand why you would be upset, just be ahppy yours is first. I'm getting married 2 weeks after a friend of mine, and you know we've had a great time planning together :-)
Hang in there.
Update #3
Is bashing of the OP a necessary evil in this happy go lucky environment?
Katemw- calling people a "loon" is uncalled for. didn't your mother teach you manners? fyi - jk means just kidding. maybe you don't have a sense of humor.
I wish people will read the updates and understand that it was a vent and that I'm not so damn hung up on it as it seems.
Geez people, take an effen chill pill. What's up with the attacks? Can't you read the line above the box that says Please be nice! Avoice personal attacks and snarkiness?
I had my ex-MOH get engaged 6 months after me and then proceed to pick a date a week before mine even though she told me she was going to get married a month before me out of respect for my wedding. Oh and the venue had EVERY other weekend open, but she still picked the weekend before me.
It made me really upset especially b/c she then planned her honeymoon so that she'd get back a day before my wedding. How are you supposed to be my MOH? *sigh* Obviously, she bowed out after I voiced my concern. However, in your case, having her get married after you is BETTER. If anything you'll steal her thunder (and it'll be her fault so she can't complain) so I wouldn't worry too much!
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^ thanks bride2bee! i'm sorry to hear about your situation. it sucks that you couldn't have your first pick MOH by your side. i hope everything works out with you!!!!
I don't know, I don't understand what's wrong with people expressing their honest opinions about things. I don't think that is necessarily a personal attack or bashing. "Being nice" doesn't mean agreeing with what people say or sugar coating opinions. One good thing about these boards is that sometimes it's good to step outside your comfort zone and have people tell you you're being irrational - even if they do so in a blunt manner. As brides we get so caught up in our own wedding planning that sometimes we need a smack back to reality. Otherwise, the board would just be a bunch of co-dependents.
In any event, glad to hear you're feeling better about things and good luck with the wedding and all the planning.
Callalillies, I understand you just wanted people to commiserate with you, and when some didn't you felt attacked. To be fair, you did ask what should you do, and at some point you said that this situation was causing you to cry all through work. From your updates, it wasn't obvious to me that you weren't still as "hung up" on this as it seemed.
I think most of the posters you felt attacked by were genuinely trying to help you. Yes, perhaps they were not as artful or delicate with your feelings as you may have preferred, but you asked for advice. Sometimes what is best for people, when they're being irrational, is for others to be honest with them and tell them when they're wrong. Also, some of the posters advised you to calm down, not to worry, and to try to relax and just enjoy yourself. From other posters' perspective, you did seem to be worked up over this whole thing. A lot of us didn't think that your situation was as big a deal as you seemed to. So they were honest with you and told you that, and suggested that you do something to alleviate your stress because, as we all know, weddings are stressful enough as it is.
To be fair, yes, sandpaper tongue's comment did seem to violate the no snarkiness rule. Maybe she shouldn't have said it. But it was funny. Sometimes people can help us the most by getting us to laugh at ourselves a little bit and not take ourselves so seriously.
The way I see it, she moved her date to the weekend after yours because your BF/FI voiced his objections. So she obviously took your feelings into consideration. She just probably had no idea how upsetting picking anything in October would make you. From the sound of it, October works out the best for her schedule and she was attempting to be respectful of your day. Picking a date after your wedding meant that everything she does will be compared to yours (and if you have similar favors/food/events, etc, it would seem like she's copying you). I don't think that it is ideal for any bride to follow another act so quickly so I do think she was trying to be respectful of your feelings as much as possible.
thanks callalilies... luckily, it did work out since I had two MOH's. The other gladly stepped in as the sole MOH!
Okaaay, I actually don't see anything here that I think is snarky or nasty. People are giving their opinion, sometimes with a little humor included. Some people agree, some people don't, most recognize that since there is nothing you can really do about this, the most constructive solution is to let it go. You are going to have a great many stressful moments before you're done planning, and I think that what most people are trying to say is that if you make a practice of getting upset over things you can't really control, you'll be a basket case before it's done.
I think if you read many of the posts on this board, you'll see that people try to be respectful, but also give their opinion. They don't always agree with each other; that's how life goes. We could all tell you that this is the most heinous thing that we've ever heard, and that you would be justified in taking a contract out on her; that your wedding is clearly ruined and you might as well just go to the courthouse now, but one thing the girls on this board are good at is putting things in perspective. Because of that, I think that when you go online to vent over something relatively non-catastrophic, you probably will get responses like you see here. If I can say this without sounding insulting, all the responses I have seen to serious problems are appropriately serious and sympathetic. Your problem just really isn't all that earth-shaking, and by next week or next month at the latest I hope you also come to that conclusion.
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Amen to that livvie 
! I read this post when it first went up, but chose to keep my opinion to myself. (which happens to be of the "seriously you only get the day, not the month, it's not the end of the world") However just like Callalillies has the right vent, readers have the right to voice their opinions as well. I doubt anyone is disagreeing with you to be mean, they are just trying to bring a little perspective. I'd be willing to bet that in a month or so time, your going to realize that your being a little over dramatic.... no offense of course, we're all welcome to have minor wedding related meltdowns every now & then!
Calling you a loon was a joke. I simply meant that you needed to chill out and stop acting crazy about it. My mother taught me manners and to be gracious to others. She also taught me, as an only child, that some day the world would stop rotating around me. Even though she did, it was a shock when it happened. :) I just think you need to chill out and enjoy your wedding planning. Put all this energy into making your wedding so much better than hers will be. That will serve her right!
From what you've said, it sounds like your FH's cousin must get married in the same month as you, and instead of being pissed off, you should assume she's not doing it to bait you, feel sorry for her that she needs to change her wedding date (which, as anyone who is in the midst of planning a wedding should know, is a HUGE pain), and be grateful that she agreed to get married one week after you.
As for the other posters on this board being "mean" to you--you posted on a public board. There will be dissenting opinions. Most of these people just want you to see things in a different perspective so you calm down. With that in mind, it's really quite unkind to accuse them of trying to hurt your feelings. Have you thought to yourself that, just like with your FH's cousin's wedding date, you might be taking things a little too personally?
Also, in my opinion, it's really over-the-top and a sign of emotional immaturity to cry at work over something like this. Are you still at work? Do they know you are posting on weddingbee.com on company time? Do you consider yourself an emotionally mature person? Then calm down, try to see things from your future cousin's perspective (because, after all, weddings are one day, but family is forever), stop attacking the well-meaning people on this board (really, I've really seen only a couple of comments that come close to being mean), and prove that you are a grown up. Because, seriously, this is not the most challenging thing you will face in planning a wedding or while married--and you will have to step up to the plate for hardships far, far worse than this someday without becoming hysterical.
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