shocked by inlaws behavior at the wedding

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
124 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

Your BIL’s behavior is unacceptable but I think the thing with their daughter is the risk you run when you have a child in your wedding. You had both parents in the wedding party so what were they supposed to do while it was happening? Who was supposed to be in charge of their child at that point? Their 18-month-old daughter has no conception of what is happening – she saw pretty things she wanted to play with so she did. Your vows don’t mean a thing to her. I guess I’m just confused as to what you expected from a small child when both parents were in the wedding party and unable to focus on keeping her under control during the ceremony.

Post # 4
Member
7654 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

@Briarroselex:  I’m sorry. Honestly it sucks, and your BIL is an asshole and was probably already have tuned when he made that stupid ass comment to you. I’d feel ok with it since he did apologize. As far as their daughter touching all the vases, can’t help you there. You run that risk when you have young flower girls/ring bearers or just kids at the wedding in general. I don’t have kids yet, and I would be worried about the same things as you, but perhaps as “seasoned” parents, they weren’t concerned and probably had a harder time controlling her if they wanted to since they were both in the wedding. I think it would have been way more distracting for them to be walking all over the place. Either that or one of them would have had to leave with her if she started crying from not being able to touch anything.

I tend to brush some of those things off. I guess my MIL reamed my FIL out in front of all our guests at the reception before we got there because FIL forgot to let the dogs out. Everyone was like, “WTF?” All of DH’s aunts and uncles from his dad’s side left early before someone was hip thrusting to Michael Jackson’s Thriller song. They came up and said, “We need to get an all family pic so we can get the kids out of here.” It was barely 9:00. So, yeah, I had some crappy moment with the in laws, but what matters is I’m married, and to a really good man I might add.

 

Post # 5
Member
2419 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

@Briarroselex:  An 18 month old is going to do those things. It is what 18 month olds do. 18 month olds touch things they shouldn’t and make all kinds of noises and scream and cry. My fiance’s 2 year old nephew spent most of his great aunts funeral service babbling about something. It just comes with the territory.

With regards to your BIL, his comments were unnecessary and extremely uncalled for but you need to let it go. You say you don’t see these people very often. So, when you do see them, just be cordial.

Post # 6
Member
1266 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

First, congratulations on your wedding! If you got married at the same Three Village Inn I’m thinking of, I grew up literally down the block from it – such a gorgeous place!

I would definitely be mad, but I think you have to let it go.  You said you don’t see them often, so hopefully this is not something you’ll have to deal with on a regular basis.  Focus on the great things about your wedding and your future with your husband, and let the rest slide off you.

Post # 7
Member
2893 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

The BIL was a little bit terrible with what he said and dumping the kid off, but I agree with prior posters about the 18 month old. 

We have the same situation where we are having an 18 month old flower girl and both her parents are in the wedding party.  We invited the second set of grandparents for the niece (not my FPILs, but the BIL’s parents) and are going to have the kids sit with them, preferably with activities.  I have seen this done before, and always seems to work out best. 

Post # 8
Member
5697 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

I”m sorry I think saying “an 18 year old does these things” is a bit of a cop out, when you have someone that young in a wedding someone should have been in charge of her. Grandma, an aunt, someone that could take her out. It’s unacceptable to have her run around during the ceremony.

Your BIL’s behavior is abhorrent. 

Give yourself some time to get over this though, eventually you will I promise. Just be glad you don’t see these people regularly.

Post # 9
Member
5932 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2018

@Briarroselex:  How do you move on?  You just do, you remind yourself that it was just one day in a line of thousands…and sure, the delivery of your BIL’s “Don’t Break my Brother’s Heart” message was off and badly timed…but so what?  It’s only upsetting if you let it upset you, so don’t. 

Your neice stole the show during your vows, that happens when you have young children in a wedding party…and after you realize that no one needed to hear those words except for you and your husband, you’ll be able to laugh about it too and make sure to give her grief when she’s old enough to know better.

All in all, I don’t see anything that’s a blatant attack on you or your relationship, just off center people being themselves, and they’re family now so set it aside and enjoy the holidays as a wife! 

Post # 10
Member
3596 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

YOu Bil sounds scary. I think it’s time your Fi call him and set him striaght about how he is to talk to you. These people sound horrible, and it’s unsafe to leave the baby walking around touching things like that.

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