Post # 1
Im sorry if this really long. So my wedding was on Nov 10. It was the most amazing day of my life. I couldnt believe how well everything turned out. Everything except for my inlaws. I am so shocked at the way they acted that I cant get it out of my mind. My husbands parents live in las vegas and his brother, his brothers wife, and their 18 month old daughter live in Albany so I;ve met everyone in his family but its a different kind of relationship then he has with my family because they live 5 min away. I’ve only met them all a handful of times. So anyway, his brother was the best man. I asked his wife to be a bridesmaid because I thought it would be nice and the right thing to do. There 18 month old daughter was the flower girl. Anyway, my wedding day started out great. My hair and makeup lady came by early and we were starting the whole process. My brother in law came in to drop off his wife for hair and make up. As soon as he came in he looked at me and said “im only going to say this once, but if you hurt my brother I;ll kill you.” His demeanor and tone were unbelievable snd I actually felt hurt. I thought we had a pretty good relationship, i didnt understand where this came from. My hair styalist was horrified, it was embaressing. I just cant believe he picked my wedding day to start with something like that. So later on we were getting ready and my sister and some of my bms were helping me into my wedding dress which was a hassle to put on. We were running late for pictures and a little stressed. My brother in law came running in there very combative and was like. “What the hell Lex! We are supposed to take pictures an hour ago!” He then put down his daughter and since his wife was getting her makeup done looked at me and said “watch her.” The whole mood of the day changed after that and the baby was tunning around screaming. All the guys were doing was watching football and drinking. In the middle of pictures he aplogized. he has a drinking problem so maybe that had something to do with it. Anyway this is what takes the cake. During my ceremony their daughter who is very young walked around babbling and screaming and touching things. We had roses with glass domes (like beauty and the beast) and she was touching them. The whole time my husband and I were concered she was going to knock them down and they would fall on her. Her mother and father thought it was absolutely adorable and were laughing. My husband and i wrote our own vows and were distracted from them and the whole ceremony because of this. My father was furious because he was in the front row of course and couldnt hear anything. A lot of other things went on that night with them. I dont think I can ever forgive them. I dont even want to look at them ever again. I dont want to feel this way and I know they are now part of my family and I have to get along with them the best I can. im just so bitter. I want to go back in time and ruin their wedding. lol Am I over reacting? How do i move on?? Thanks guys 🙂
Post # 3
Your BIL’s behavior is unacceptable but I think the thing with their daughter is the risk you run when you have a child in your wedding. You had both parents in the wedding party so what were they supposed to do while it was happening? Who was supposed to be in charge of their child at that point? Their 18-month-old daughter has no conception of what is happening – she saw pretty things she wanted to play with so she did. Your vows don’t mean a thing to her. I guess I’m just confused as to what you expected from a small child when both parents were in the wedding party and unable to focus on keeping her under control during the ceremony.
Post # 4
@Briarroselex: I’m sorry. Honestly it sucks, and your BIL is an asshole and was probably already have tuned when he made that stupid ass comment to you. I’d feel ok with it since he did apologize. As far as their daughter touching all the vases, can’t help you there. You run that risk when you have young flower girls/ring bearers or just kids at the wedding in general. I don’t have kids yet, and I would be worried about the same things as you, but perhaps as “seasoned” parents, they weren’t concerned and probably had a harder time controlling her if they wanted to since they were both in the wedding. I think it would have been way more distracting for them to be walking all over the place. Either that or one of them would have had to leave with her if she started crying from not being able to touch anything.
I tend to brush some of those things off. I guess my MIL reamed my FIL out in front of all our guests at the reception before we got there because FIL forgot to let the dogs out. Everyone was like, “WTF?” All of DH’s aunts and uncles from his dad’s side left early before someone was hip thrusting to Michael Jackson’s Thriller song. They came up and said, “We need to get an all family pic so we can get the kids out of here.” It was barely 9:00. So, yeah, I had some crappy moment with the in laws, but what matters is I’m married, and to a really good man I might add.
Post # 5
@Briarroselex: An 18 month old is going to do those things. It is what 18 month olds do. 18 month olds touch things they shouldn’t and make all kinds of noises and scream and cry. My fiance’s 2 year old nephew spent most of his great aunts funeral service babbling about something. It just comes with the territory.
With regards to your BIL, his comments were unnecessary and extremely uncalled for but you need to let it go. You say you don’t see these people very often. So, when you do see them, just be cordial.
Post # 6
First, congratulations on your wedding! If you got married at the same Three Village Inn I’m thinking of, I grew up literally down the block from it – such a gorgeous place!
I would definitely be mad, but I think you have to let it go. You said you don’t see them often, so hopefully this is not something you’ll have to deal with on a regular basis. Focus on the great things about your wedding and your future with your husband, and let the rest slide off you.
Post # 7
The BIL was a little bit terrible with what he said and dumping the kid off, but I agree with prior posters about the 18 month old.
We have the same situation where we are having an 18 month old flower girl and both her parents are in the wedding party. We invited the second set of grandparents for the niece (not my FPILs, but the BIL’s parents) and are going to have the kids sit with them, preferably with activities. I have seen this done before, and always seems to work out best.
Post # 8
I”m sorry I think saying “an 18 year old does these things” is a bit of a cop out, when you have someone that young in a wedding someone should have been in charge of her. Grandma, an aunt, someone that could take her out. It’s unacceptable to have her run around during the ceremony.
Your BIL’s behavior is abhorrent.
Give yourself some time to get over this though, eventually you will I promise. Just be glad you don’t see these people regularly.
Post # 9
@Briarroselex: How do you move on? You just do, you remind yourself that it was just one day in a line of thousands…and sure, the delivery of your BIL’s “Don’t Break my Brother’s Heart” message was off and badly timed…but so what? It’s only upsetting if you let it upset you, so don’t.
Your neice stole the show during your vows, that happens when you have young children in a wedding party…and after you realize that no one needed to hear those words except for you and your husband, you’ll be able to laugh about it too and make sure to give her grief when she’s old enough to know better.
All in all, I don’t see anything that’s a blatant attack on you or your relationship, just off center people being themselves, and they’re family now so set it aside and enjoy the holidays as a wife!
Post # 10
YOu Bil sounds scary. I think it’s time your Fi call him and set him striaght about how he is to talk to you. These people sound horrible, and it’s unsafe to leave the baby walking around touching things like that.