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I asked my husband if he would like for me to go with him for ring shopping. He was actually relieved! As traditional as he is, he was scared to pick something that I wouldn't like (turns out he would've chosen exactly what I picked); and me suggesting to go with him took pressure off his shoulders.
Ask him if he'd like that, and if he wants to pick alone, see if he would accept you sending links to things you like to give him ideas of styles. But if this is what happens, do not expect to get exactly the same ones you sent, he'll probably want to put his personal touch as well!
My FI and I went ring shopping before he proposed so he could get a sense of what I liked. Which was a good thing, because what I ended up liking in person, was not what I thought I liked from looking at pics online and in magazines. I chose the style I liked, and he picked out the actual ring. I think it would be ok for you to ask him to take you ring shoppping.
If you guys are comfortable enough to talk about getting married, then it should be easy to bring up the ring sitch.
Just ask him... I am sure he will be relieved and it will help him with direction. My FI was really happy I showed him pictures of what I wanted and then left to his own devices for the final decision. He will want to know your taste... he knows you will wear it forever and even if he is traditional he probably doesn't know very much about jewelery!
Just casually bring it up and say something like "ohh man engagement rings are so fun! there are so many styles that I like, i'll have to show you some neat ones that I can see wanting!"
FI and I went looking just so he could get an idea my preferences. That way, it would still be a surprise but he would not buy somethign that was totally off the mark.
We went ring shopping together and I think for me it worked out great! Even if you guys don't go out shopping, maybe just show him what styles you like. This way at least he'd have an idea on what you'd like. Now if you aren't sure what you like, I would say take a gf out shopping one day and just try rings on to see what you like the best! I think you will be fine! Have fun!!
I asked my FI to take me shopping but he said that would ruin the surprise. So, I just told him my absolutes (no princess or marquis or heart diamonds, no three stone, no yellow gold) and hoped for the best. Luckily he asked my best friend (now MOH) to help and she did a great job!
If you are worried about ruining the surprise then you could look online at jewellers websites and show him the styles you like and explain (in detail!!!) why you like those styles so that he can have a clear idea of what you would like in a ring, and that way its still a surprise because you won't know which one you are getting.
My fiance took me ring shopping and had me pick out 6 that I liked and then he later went back and picked one so it was still a surprise. He ended up picking my favorite though :)
my friend is having this same problem right now. she is waiting for the proposal but her SO refuses to take her ring shopping. so instead, we decided to be sneaky and i've been giving him hints as to what type of ring she likes. maybe you could do this??
I would just be straight up and talk to him about it. My bf is very traditional too, but I think he was relieved that he didnt have that stress of picking a ring on his own, and worrying that I might not like it.
And surprisingly, when we did go ring shopping, I didnt like the rings on, that I thought I was going to like, and ended up choosing something totally different. So I highly recommend you going regardless, even with a friend, who then can drop hints to him LOL.
For me, I truly enjoyed the experience of ring shopping together, and it would be good for him to see what styles you like because I totally agree with you, you have to LOVE it.
My fiance and I looked at rings together for a while. He ultimately chose the ring and surprised me with the proposal. Of course, the ring he chose is the one that I liked the most...so it worked out for both of us.
I think you need to be careful in how you bring it up. Some guys, and perhaps your FI is one of them, put a lot of stock in the proposal and the ring and see it as their chance to really shine. Implying that you don't trust him to pick out something you like might be really hurtful, and asking to go shopping intoriduces an element of pressure that could be offputting.
Thanks for all the advice, that totally helps. Unfortunately, we just moved so I don't have any close girlfriends around who can drop hints for me. europomme and Erin_E make the really good point that the ones I see in pictures might not look so good on my hand (and it totally figures, that finger is the one I broke playing powder puff football in high school and has a weird knobbly knuckle...). Maybe I'll just bite the bullet and ask if he thinks its a good idea.
Thanks everyone!
My fiance and I talked about getting married "casually" for a LONG time. Well, over time we looked at a lot of rings. Well, late last year we went "ring looking" since he was only hinting about a marriage proposal so at this point I wasn't too sure of what he was planning. I tried on yet another beautiful ring and like all the other times we walked out with no indication of his interest or disinterest. Two months later he shocked me with a proposal with the most gorgeous ring. It was more beautiful than I could have hoped for. He ultimately made the choice himself but knw what I liked and didn't like. He wanted to surprised me and he did!
send this article to your boyfriend. mine was kind of against shopping together until I showed him this article.
I kinda don't agree with ring shopping with him...it ruins the surprise! I sent him hints of course but waht he chose was so different from what I "thought" I wanted and I LOOOVE it it is beautiful and I dont think I would have ever picked it out myself.
I don't think there's anything wrong with picking your own ring.
My fiance found a great ring but he checked with me to see if it was what i wanted. Fortunately it was, but before the final decision I checked around to see if there was anything better. The ring got delivered, I did't go near it, I didn't try it on, we went on vacation and he proposed with it. It didn't feel like a "surprise was ruined" at all!! It was still so exciting that my heart was pounding. I didn't have to worry that I was getting a ring that I wouldn't like. I mean, what if he had gotten one I didn't like? THAT would ruin things much more than that kind of a "surprise."
Yes, you are the one who has to wear it so I think he should allow you to have a say in it. If he wants to be traditional perhaps he could pick some out and then see which of them you like.
He could still be traditional even if you picked out the ring!! He could whoose when, where, how to propose!!! You don't even have to try it on first, just look in the window or glass table or whatever and tell him your size. And you know what? You just looking at it once, you're going to forget a lot of what it looks like so that when he actually has it out in front of you and on your hand it will look like you're seeing it for the first time.
Also, explain to him that it often IS traditional nowadays for the bride to have a say in it! I'm sure he wants you to be happy with it, so tell him there is a greater chance you'll be happy if you get to choose it. He won't want you to have mixed feelings or less than a thrilled look on your face I'm sure...and neither do you want to have that!! You want the moment he proposes to be wonderful!!! And neither of you wants, I'm sure, for you to look down at the ring on your hand and forever have mixed feelings about it...not that the ring is what's truly important of course-- the getting married is...
Trust me, you having a say does not have the "negative" that you and he or anyone else are concerned about. I'd get that out of your head....:)
Initially, I gave photos and drawings to my FH to let him know what I wanted. I also went ring shopping with my MOH, so that she would know what I wanted. When FH and I were talking, I let him know that I had photos and that my friend also knew. He tried to go with that, but, he ended up coming home and telling me he was confused, and maybe I should go with him. He wanted to make sure I got what I wanted.
I don't have it yet, but should by next week or two.
It would be awful if you didn't lvoe what he picked out. What would you do, tell him, or wear something you don't love for the rest of your life? I think it's better if you find a way to let him know.
If you do a little searching on this site, you will find at least a few stories of bees who let their FIs pick out the ring and were less than pleased with the result, and are then in the unhappy position of either sucking it up for the rest of their lives, try to make it better with a wedding band they really like, or having to have a really uncomfortable conversation.
As a risk averse person, I would at least go shopping with a friend to see what I like, and drop a few "hints."
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I'm not engaged yet but from what the BF has hinted at, its going to happen before the summer. If I were him, I would do it over Memorial Day, which is when we started dating 2 years ago and also we'll be on vacation where we met. Sounds perfect to me, but not my decision I suppose...
Anyway, since we have already discussed getting engaged and we both know its going to happen (just a matter of when), I'm starting to wonder if I should ask him to take me ring shopping. I mean, I have to wear this for the rest of my life, I should get to have a say in it, right?
However, the BF is pretty traditional when it comes to this kind of thing and I'm not sure he would want to "ruin the surprise" but I'm also not sure I trust him to pick something out that I will want to wear for the rest of my life (I have a little bit quirkier taste than him).
Should I ask him to take me shopping or wait and hope for the best?