Post # 1
So I feel bad :(. My FI has been away pretty much for the entirety of our engagement (work, ugh) so he hasn’t been very involved in the planning process. A couple days ago he told me he wanted to play a particular song he liked at our wedding as we were walking back down the aisle. It’s a Mumford and Sons song called Lover of the Light. Some background, I LOVE Mumford and Sons, I listen to folk music pretty much exclusively, so I would be totally down for this style of music.
It’s just that, even though the chorus sounds like a love song, all the verses are about a breakup. It’s this guy begging to be taken back.
My FI doesn’t tend to listen to the words of songs much (which is why he didn’t get the ‘breakup’ theme when he suggested it), but I do. And I would feel super weird having a breakup song being included in our wedding ceremony, even though most people probably wouldn’t be listening closely enough to notice that it was, indeed, about a breakup.
So I shot it down, but I feel bad. This has been his only wedding idea, and I don’t want him to feel like this is “my wedding” not “our wedding.” I just wish he had chosen something that wasn’t so obviously not wedding appropriate. I’m open to pretty much anything that supports the spirit of a wedding day, but this just, well, doesn’t.
What should I do?
Post # 3
Ask him if there’s another song he’d like to have – one with a positive message.
Post # 4
Perhapse use an instrumental version of the song instead? Compromise?
Post # 5
I’d feel bad too but I would have done the same thing. I would definitely let him know you appreciate him wanting to help and ask him to think of some other songs.
(If it helps, my mom kept begging me to put “Part of Me” by Katy Perry on our list but because it’s a break-up song I refused. She got over it).
Post # 6
I’d go with the instrumental version, since that is likely what he likes about the song anyway. Or ask him for another song idea.
Post # 7
What you should have said:
“I just love that song too!!!! It really sounds like a breakup song though, I wonder if there’s any other songs out there that had both lyrics AND amazing music? What do you think about this song _____”
Post # 8
I would surprise him with an instrumental version of the song.
Post # 9
Thanks for the suggestion. I don’t think what he likes about the song (for a wedding at least) is the sound of it. In this particular one it says “To have and to hold” in the chorus, which is why he said he wanted it in the wedding. But if it was the music he liked about it, that would be a great compromise.
Post # 10
Play it during the reception and dance to it and laugh about it. Ceremony should be strictly about love, but reception is just about good music!
Post # 11
I like the idea of playing an instrumental version, or maybe you can play this song during the reception at some prominent time?
I don’t think you did the wrong thing — it would be weird to walk down the aisle to this song.
Post # 12
There were a lot of songs that I felt were inappropriate for the ceremony for similar reasons so I played them during dinner instead. Little lion man was one, we didn’t realize it would be so loud during dinner. Whoops!
Post # 13
I’d try and enourage him to think of other things for the wedding, but if he can’t maybe use it anyway. I’ve been to several weddings with breakup songs slipped in–including one where the first dance was the Jeff Buckley version of Hallelujah–and mostly people are too busy eating, talking, or watching the wedding unfold to really notice too much. I notice because I am really into lyrics, but I didn’t notice anyone raising their eyebrows or whispering or whatever.
I’d recommend having it maybe at the reception, though, and not as a walk-back-down-the-aisle song. Did you already have something else in mind?
Post # 14
@AdriannaJean: Do all wedding songs have to be happy/romantic? Obviously I wouldn’t pick this song for your first dance, but is it so bad to simply have music you love there?
If I was having a wedding (we’re eloping) and couldn’t play any sad songs, that would be like 80% of the songs I like right off the playlist lol.
I haven’t been to a ton of weddings but aren’t there usually a mix of songs?
Post # 15
If you only played pro-relationship music that is happy, helthy, and balanced….you probably won’t be dancing. The song has no bearing on your relationship. Good music is good music. You should let him have this one.
Post # 16
I would definitely recommend still playing it, but at the reception. I think talking it out is a great compromise: tell him why you don’t want it at the ceremony, and see if there’s another song he’d rather have. Hopefully he’ll have other wedding ideas later–my fiance has had ones that have surprised me–so you won’t feel like you rejected his ONLY one!