Should a "well-off" friend help a broke friend?

posted 3 years ago in Money
  • poll: Should the well off friend have offered to help her broke friend?
    No. That is entitlement to the nth degree. : (176 votes)
    46 %
    It depends how rich Well Off is. Parting with $500 or so would not break the bank if she is rich. : (14 votes)
    4 %
    It depends how good of friends they are. : (41 votes)
    11 %
    Well Off is stingy. Who wouldn't help their friend and her children if they could? : (4 votes)
    1 %
    Well Off should have helped this one time and only once. : (9 votes)
    2 %
    Well Off should have at least paid one bill. : (1 votes)
    0 %
    Well Off should have offered to get Broke Mom food. : (17 votes)
    4 %
    Well Off should have offered help in some other way. : (25 votes)
    6 %
    It depends why Broke Mom is broke. : (98 votes)
    25 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    594 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    Can’t see the poll

    Post # 4
    Member
    1024 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: November 2011

    I think you never really know how “well off” someone is. Maybe she truly can’t afford to help out. And it isn’t her life to pay for…While I would most likely help out a friend in need (if I had the extra money), that doesn’t mean it should be expected.

    Post # 6
    Member
    537 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2013

    No, I don’t think Well Off should paid for anything. Loaning the money in this type of situation will only cause problems. While I find the “I’ll pray for you” a bit patronizing, Broke Mom’s statement clearly shows that she expects help from Well Off and somehow feels entitled to be pissed off that she didn’t. Precisely the kind of person who you wouldn’t want to get entangled with financially (or be friends with, frankly).

    Post # 7
    Member
    6749 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: October 2010

    I don’t understand why Well Off needs to pay Broke Mom’s bills?  It is not her problem even if they are friends.  I don’t pay my friend’s bills.   

    Post # 8
    Member
    594 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    @bunny_foo_foo:  I never believe I’m entitled to anyone’s financial assistance except my husband so no I don’t think she should “expect” her friend to pay her bills. That said, I wouldn’t stand by and let a friend go without if I was in a position to help.

    Post # 9
    Member
    1793 posts
    Buzzing bee

    If not well-off mom is careless with money, spends on stupid stuff and then can’t pay her bills, then no – well off friend is only enabling that behavior.

    If not well-off mom has been in this situation for years and chooses to do nothing about it, no – again well off friend is enabling this behavior and we are all responsible for our well-being.

    If not well-off mom just lost her job and is all of a sudden in a world of hurt, I can’t imagine not helping her.

    Post # 10
    Member
    292 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2015

    Did Broke Mom ASK for money? Cause if Well Off offered to pay a bill that could come across as condescending and “you obviously need my help.” It might sound pompous for Well Off to even offer a handout. I think assuming someone should give you what they’ve worked for is entitled. Also… if “I’ll pray for you” is so bad, what should she have said? “Good luck with that!” “Welp that sucks.” …?

    Post # 11
    Member
    1582 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2014

     @Ms.Pink: +1. I’ve been on the other side of this–being, apparently, the “well-off” friend–and I think it’s important to remember that anybody that’s functioning looks well off when your power, water, heat, etc is about to get turned off. 

    So yeah, I definitely think it’s entitlement, but I think at the same time that well-off friend probably should have offered to help in some way, if their friendship is important to her. In cases like these I’ll usually offer to take the family out for dinner or lunch or something, or go buy them a round of groceries. I would maybe pay one of their bills if there was children involved, but.

     

    Post # 12
    Member
    7281 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast

    I don’t think there is a “should” or “shouldn’t” in this situation. We have no idea how well off “well off” actually is, what her personal financial goals are, what her other financial commitments are, etc., nor do we know how “broke mom” came to be in this spot in the first place. If broke mom went to the casino and gambled away the electric bill money, that’s a different story than if she was laid off of a job where she was barely scraping by with minimal expenses in the first place.

    I can say that as the “well off” friend, I have given “broke mom” bill money in the past. She’s one of my best friends, I knew all of the details, and I knew it was money well used.

    Post # 13
    Member
    2720 posts
    Sugar bee

    I would pay for a meal but not an electric bill. Being “well off” is relative too. Someone might seem well off but be in debt to their eyeballs. I would never say, “I’ll pray for you” because even if you mean it sincerely, it might not come off well to someone down on their luck. 

    Post # 14
    Member
    6891 posts
    Busy Beekeeper

    @hermom:  +1

    It would also depend if she’s got other options, but doesn’t want to consider them,  if I  believed the person, and if this was a one time vs. recurrent issue.  I certainly wouldn’t let her starve, however,  I would put her in touch with resources to address the ongoing problems,  ie a social worker, her church, services etc. 

    Post # 15
    Member
    2657 posts
    Sugar bee

    Yes, it sucks that the broke mom is in that situation.  But, there should be no expectation that somebody else can or will swoop in to help.  We all have our own affairs to manage and have the right to decide how much to help others, if at all.  There are a lot of good reasons for not lending money to friends, many of which I have learned the hard way.  Also, some “well off” people aren’t as financially sound as you’d think.  I have a few friends who make significantly more than what FI and I make (and we have a 6-figure combined income), but who live paycheck to paycheck because their expenses are so out of hand.  

    Post # 16
    Member
    5432 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: June 2014 - Ontario, Canada ♥ EDD- April 2016

    I don’t really understand why the ‘broke friend’ is automatically deserving of or entitled to financial help from their ‘rich friend’ just because they need/want it. I think it’s very generous if a ‘rich friend’ decides to help a ‘broke friend’, but I never think that it should be expected or that a well off person should be made to feel guilty if they don’t help. In many cases, wealthy people are able to stay wealthy, because the don’t give out money to others. Is the ‘rich friend’ expected to hand out money to every friend who needs it? What constitutes as ‘need’? Also, I think it really depends on how the broke friend got into that situation.

    I have a friend like this and she’s hinted several times that it would be nice if we could pay for some of her bills that were about to go to collections since we’re ‘better off’. I just don’t understand this, I would never ask a friend for money like that and if for some reason I did, I wouldn’t be offended if they chose not to give it to me! It’s pretty disgusting, IMO. We didn’t give her any money, because she had just spent $1200 on clothing at H&M, but we did invite her over for supper since she spent all her grocery money on clothes. That’s where we drew the line. She wasn’t going to be rewarded for her irresponsibility with a stack of bills aha.

    ETA: Compared to her, we were ‘well off’ because we were very careful with our money.. but we were all students making minimum wage aha.

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