Post # 1
Here’s a post from a broke mom on truuconfessions.com:
“Lowest point in my life; facing water and power shut off, barely have food, etc. Well off ‘friend’ says she’ll ‘pray for me’? How fucking generous.”
This got me thinking, is her friend being a bad friend by not paying her bills? On the one hand, Well Off has an excess of money and Broke Mom clearly needs help. On the other hand, Broke Mom needs to be able to afford her life and family without receiving handouts. Even if Well Off saved her bow, how long would it be before Broke Mom needs more money and isn’t able to get it herself.
So, what do you Bees think? Should Well Off have paid for Broke Mom’s electric and water to prevent it being shut off? Or was offering to pray for her the most that could be expected of her?
I intentionally didn’t include an “other” option, so pick what most matches your opinion or write it below.
Post # 4
I think you never really know how “well off” someone is. Maybe she truly can’t afford to help out. And it isn’t her life to pay for…While I would most likely help out a friend in need (if I had the extra money), that doesn’t mean it should be expected.
Post # 6
No, I don’t think Well Off should paid for anything. Loaning the money in this type of situation will only cause problems. While I find the “I’ll pray for you” a bit patronizing, Broke Mom’s statement clearly shows that she expects help from Well Off and somehow feels entitled to be pissed off that she didn’t. Precisely the kind of person who you wouldn’t want to get entangled with financially (or be friends with, frankly).
Post # 7
I don’t understand why Well Off needs to pay Broke Mom’s bills? It is not her problem even if they are friends. I don’t pay my friend’s bills.
Post # 8
@bunny_foo_foo: I never believe I’m entitled to anyone’s financial assistance except my husband so no I don’t think she should “expect” her friend to pay her bills. That said, I wouldn’t stand by and let a friend go without if I was in a position to help.
Post # 9
If not well-off mom is careless with money, spends on stupid stuff and then can’t pay her bills, then no – well off friend is only enabling that behavior.
If not well-off mom has been in this situation for years and chooses to do nothing about it, no – again well off friend is enabling this behavior and we are all responsible for our well-being.
If not well-off mom just lost her job and is all of a sudden in a world of hurt, I can’t imagine not helping her.
Post # 10
Did Broke Mom ASK for money? Cause if Well Off offered to pay a bill that could come across as condescending and “you obviously need my help.” It might sound pompous for Well Off to even offer a handout. I think assuming someone should give you what they’ve worked for is entitled. Also… if “I’ll pray for you” is so bad, what should she have said? “Good luck with that!” “Welp that sucks.” …?
Post # 11
@Ms.Pink: +1. I’ve been on the other side of this–being, apparently, the “well-off” friend–and I think it’s important to remember that anybody that’s functioning looks well off when your power, water, heat, etc is about to get turned off.
So yeah, I definitely think it’s entitlement, but I think at the same time that well-off friend probably should have offered to help in some way, if their friendship is important to her. In cases like these I’ll usually offer to take the family out for dinner or lunch or something, or go buy them a round of groceries. I would maybe pay one of their bills if there was children involved, but.
Post # 12
- Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast
I don’t think there is a “should” or “shouldn’t” in this situation. We have no idea how well off “well off” actually is, what her personal financial goals are, what her other financial commitments are, etc., nor do we know how “broke mom” came to be in this spot in the first place. If broke mom went to the casino and gambled away the electric bill money, that’s a different story than if she was laid off of a job where she was barely scraping by with minimal expenses in the first place.
I can say that as the “well off” friend, I have given “broke mom” bill money in the past. She’s one of my best friends, I knew all of the details, and I knew it was money well used.
Post # 13
I would pay for a meal but not an electric bill. Being “well off” is relative too. Someone might seem well off but be in debt to their eyeballs. I would never say, “I’ll pray for you” because even if you mean it sincerely, it might not come off well to someone down on their luck.
Post # 14
It would also depend if she’s got other options, but doesn’t want to consider them, if I believed the person, and if this was a one time vs. recurrent issue. I certainly wouldn’t let her starve, however, I would put her in touch with resources to address the ongoing problems, ie a social worker, her church, services etc.
Post # 15
Yes, it sucks that the broke mom is in that situation. But, there should be no expectation that somebody else can or will swoop in to help. We all have our own affairs to manage and have the right to decide how much to help others, if at all. There are a lot of good reasons for not lending money to friends, many of which I have learned the hard way. Also, some “well off” people aren’t as financially sound as you’d think. I have a few friends who make significantly more than what FI and I make (and we have a 6-figure combined income), but who live paycheck to paycheck because their expenses are so out of hand.
Post # 16
- Wedding: June 2014 - Ontario, Canada ♥ EDD- April 2016
I don’t really understand why the ‘broke friend’ is automatically deserving of or entitled to financial help from their ‘rich friend’ just because they need/want it. I think it’s very generous if a ‘rich friend’ decides to help a ‘broke friend’, but I never think that it should be expected or that a well off person should be made to feel guilty if they don’t help. In many cases, wealthy people are able to stay wealthy, because the don’t give out money to others. Is the ‘rich friend’ expected to hand out money to every friend who needs it? What constitutes as ‘need’? Also, I think it really depends on how the broke friend got into that situation.
I have a friend like this and she’s hinted several times that it would be nice if we could pay for some of her bills that were about to go to collections since we’re ‘better off’. I just don’t understand this, I would never ask a friend for money like that and if for some reason I did, I wouldn’t be offended if they chose not to give it to me! It’s pretty disgusting, IMO. We didn’t give her any money, because she had just spent $1200 on clothing at H&M, but we did invite her over for supper since she spent all her grocery money on clothes. That’s where we drew the line. She wasn’t going to be rewarded for her irresponsibility with a stack of bills aha.
ETA: Compared to her, we were ‘well off’ because we were very careful with our money.. but we were all students making minimum wage aha.