Post # 1
I am having a destination wedding on June 21st, with just myself, the groom and couple friend of his present. Therefore, I have no maid of honor. I requested that my sister and my good friend plan the bachelorette party. My sister ended up telling me the details they had planned so far – A local night out: Hibachi dinner, seeing her friend’s show at a casino (Singing and dancing to popular songs), and maybe some bar hopping – No male strippers. After I had gotten off the phone with her, I had immediately told my fiance about it, but he didn’t really comment…Not sure if he was listening 100%, because he later told me that I never said my friend was helping to plan it, too, only my sister. (I did say so, lol)
So, last night he gets a call from his best friend. I am coming out of the shower and overhear the word “Vegas”. I immediately started crying in the bathroom like a child. I guess I was in shock. He comes in to ask what’s wrong, and I explain how I’m only doing a local night out. He says that his friend’s wife can plan something bigger for me, and then tells me that the bachelor party is planning on going to Vegas from May 26th – 29th. Ok, this is where I start wailing: I tell him that my friends can’t afford somethign like that, nor could we get the time off from work.
He ended up telling his friend and now they are planning a local night, too. But I am still upset that he considered a 4-day bachelor party in Vegas. Is a 4-day bachelor party normal?? Should I be upset that he considered it in the first place, without discussing with me what our parameters should be? I guess I did try to tell him about mine, but he had no response. Should I just be happy that he changed his plans for me, or should I feel betrayed that he was like “Vegas for 4 days? Sure!” at first? I mean, that would have meant a *lot* of partying and strip clubs, I’m sure.
Post # 3
well, i got a weekend trip to vermont plus a local bachelorette party, while my husband just got a night of bar hopping. sure, he was a little jealous of both the fact that 1) i got a weekend in vermont and 2) i got 2 parties, but for the most part he was just happy that i was having a good time. his bm is married with a kid, so he’s way too tied down to have such a big blow out, and a lot of his friends were coming from oot, so he understands.
maybe he should have discussed with you about vegas before they made that decision, but either way, i think it’s nice of him to care enough about your feelings to cancel the big trip.
Post # 4
I think destination bachelor/bachelorette parties have become way more normal recently. My friend in Phoenix just had a five-day party in Vegas, my boyfriend here on the East Coast has done multiple weekends in Atlantic City. I went to a wedding last weekend where the groom went to Austin with his groomsmen for a weekend.
I personally wouldn’t want a destination bachelorette party, but that’s just me. I don’t think the parties necessarily have to be “fair,” because situations will differ for the brides and grooms’ friends. What he should have discussed with you first is whether you two can afford him going to Vegas for four days.
Post # 5
Yeah I don’t think the bachelor and bachelorette parties necessarily need to match, because the main force driving the tone of the parties is what your respective friends can afford and want to do. So for example, if the bridesmaids are all ballin’ and really want to plan some extravagant trip, the groomsmen wouldn’t necessarily have to try and match that (just an example). So I wouldn’t be mad at your FI. It sounds like he was just going with the flow.
Post # 6
We went through the same thing. His friends were planning on taking him to Vegas for the weekend and I didn’t think it was fair that mine was going to be lame in comparison (wine tasting, tea/lunch, and dancing). We talked about it and next time it came up with his friends he told them it just wasn’t a good time to go/no one else could afford it. It wasn’t a big deal, he didn’t care either way. And now we might all be going (our friends and their SOs) sometime this summer.
Post # 7
I dont think they need to match, especially when other people are planning it. My DH went to Vegas for 2 days, I had an 80’s themed bachelorette night, we all dressed up and went to dinner then came back for a sleepover. Its all about what the 2 of you want.
Post # 8
- Wedding: January 2011 - Vintage Villas
I don’t think they have to match, but I do think that if you’re uncomfortable with his plans, he should be willing to compromise (and it sounds like he was, which is great!)
Post # 9
I will be having a local night out (in DC or Baltimore that is) and my FI is having a surprise trip to Vegas that his BM is planning without his knowledge – even going as far as talking to his boss about days off work, buying his plane ticket, etc
EVen though Im a little jealous that he is going to have an amazing unforgettable trip to Vegas with friends and Ill just have a night on the town – it doesnt matter because this is one of the few times in his life that this will happen! The best part too is that there will not be any strippers at his bachelor party (or strip clubs) because he feels uncomfortable at them!
This will just mean that sometime in the future I will have to plan an all out girls weekend somewhere!! But I dont like to gamble anyways so its not a big deal!
Post # 10
we are in the exact same situation right now… fh wants to go to vegas with some of his buddies… we are already doing a destination wedding… and we are paying for our wedding ourselves— i had orginally thought we were going to fly back to our hometown for a weekend and have a joint bachelorette/bachelor party….. then a few months later he said something about Vegas–and it’s still is a sensitive issue right now– money is a little tight and I think thats more than we can afford and the issue is on hold for now…
Post # 11
I don’t think they need to match, and I don’t have an issue with destination bach parties. Fi is going to Memphis in May with his friends, I’m just doing a small girls night at my fam’s lakehouse. We’re just excited that our friends are planning parties for us. : )
Post # 12
I totally get why you’re upset – but he changed his plans to make you happy, right? My fiance and I fought ENDLESSLY over his party (I am very, very anti-stripper) and in the end, he and his friends left the boobies out and still had a great time. It means a lot to me that he was willing to “disappoint” his friends and have a party that wouldn’t make me cry— and it sounds like your fiance has done the same. So be glad!