Should FI be involved in the wedding process? At least somewhat enthusiastic?

posted 3 years ago in Grooms/men
Post # 3
Member
1864 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

I think most bees would ideally like that, but reality is most guys aren’t that involved in the planning process. I know every time I bring up wedding plans with my fiancé, I know he’d rather talk about anything else as it’s just not as “fun” for him, but he does a good job with at least going along with it. But I also don’t bring it up every day or every week, even, which I’m sure helps. But it was known when we got engaged that I was going to be the one in charge of actually doing ALL of the planning, and he is the one that is going to pay for it all. Though I’ve been saving and pitching in here and there cause I like knowing that I’m somewhat contributing financially to our wedding, even if it’s no where near how much he is. 

Post # 4
Member
1888 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

@Lepagano:  What you’re going through is not unique, though it is very frustrated.  I can tell you that my FI was the same way, his favorite phrase was “It’s your thing I don’t really care.”  I finally have figured out some ways to involve him to the point where he is interested in the wedding and taking a more active role.  The things I have learned: 1)  keep it in small discrete amounts, my FI isn’t into long discussions about our wedding, but about half and hour at a time works great, 2) ask his opinion (even if you may not really want it) and understand that even if he says he doesn’t have one, it still means a lot to ask him, 3) find the small and definate ways that he can be involved,  my FI is super into fonts and graphic design so the decisions about the layout of the invites is up to him, find ways he can be involved if it’s specific and task oriented all the better, 4) communicate, by that I mean talk and invite discussion, avoid bitching and complaining.

Hope this works for you!

Post # 5
Hostess
7630 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2013

It really depends on you and your relationship. I wanted DH to be my sounding board but I understood that he didn’t get as excited about frabric swatches and whatnot. 

It sounds like it’s important to you that he’s involved. Does he know that? 

Post # 7
Member
1864 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

@Lepagano:  I just read between the lines and felt he must not care about marrying me!
 

Oh, don’t think like that! I’m sure that is not it at all. He’s a guy. Most just don’t care that much.

Yesterday I was figuring out which menu cards to order. My aunt is visiting us and I started asking for her opinion along with my mom about the choices I narrowed down to. My aunt suggested I ask my fiancé. I laughed out loud. 

Post # 8
Member
244 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

I am so lucky that mine has been with me every step of the way.  he has come to every appointment with me, made every decision with me, and has been so helpful!  Its almost to the point, though, that my mom and bridesmaids are feeling a little left out!

Post # 9
Member
294 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2019

Put him on Don’t tell the bride 😀

Post # 10
Member
1103 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

I don’t ask for help, just support and enthusiasm!!  He does help make some of the decisions, but for the rest, he at least puts a big smile on and listens to my rants and ideas. 

Post # 11
Member
1103 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

Double post

Post # 12
Member
11772 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

@Lepagano:  I am sure he is THRILLED to be marrying you!

And as the wife of a certain former Groomzilla, the ability to plan untinterrupted sounds pretty nice! (my DH at one point insisted our wedding would be unacceptable without take-out boxes with candy in them that coordinated with our wedding colors and a fortune cookie in each box with a custom message in it…And we had a 4K budget wedding.)

Post # 13
Member
3394 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

@Lepagano:  My FI and yours could be best friends. They could both sit around not making any decisions while we debate every color under the rainbow and ponder the necessity of Spanx. lol

We are also having a very small wedding and my FI has no interest in any of it. I’ve had my feelings hurt a few times over it. Some of it is that he doesn’t know what to pick and perhaps I wouldn’t listen if he did have an opinion cause I want what I want and he thinks red goes with mint green, but that’s not the real problem. He’s just really not that excited about the wedding and that’s ok. He hasn’t been dreaming of his wedding day, what he’ll wear, what flowers he’ll have, etc. He’s a guy. He’s a little nervous. And that’s ok too, it’s a big step.

It sucks, I wish he cared more about the wedding. I wish he was excited. I wish he had one great idea we could use so he could be included in the planning, but unless we can get Leo Messi to walk me down the aisle I guess I’ll have to settle for the fact that he loves me and he wants to marry me even though I’m a nut.

Post # 14
Member
1891 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

My FI is not involved too much. He was very happy and excited when we picked a venue and official date though. I know him well enough to understand that he is not interested in the planning process. I also get ultimate control, mwah-ah-ah-ah Wink. He doesn’t care what happens. He just needs to wear a suit that he thinks looks good and show up! I decorated the entire apartement myself and he was very impressed and said it would not have happened if it were not my doing. I think most guys do not care about all the details. Just don’t bug him and drag him to everything because he will be that much more annoyed. Just accept him as he is and handle the details on your own or with the women of the family or female friends…

Post # 15
Member
8518 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2014

You’re lucky!

My FI wants to be very involved, but his ideas are just way too out there to even consider using.

Post # 16
Member
4483 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

My FI just wants me to be happy, so as long as he doesn’t have a strong opinion, he tends to let me choose. Maybe your FI is like that too, just wants you to get what you want.

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