Post # 1
Well, like every family, there is some drama in ours that weddings are bringing out full force!
My FI has a brother who is marrying the most caniving, manipulative and spoiled person I know. We used to be best friends, until they started dating (at the same time I started dating FI) and as soon as we met the brothers she started getting competitive, standing me up when we’d have plans, trying to “out-do” me in gifts to the brothers’ parents (weird, I know)…but things just fell through and I told her I didn’t wish to be friends anymore, it got so bad.
Through the years (10 of them!) she started saying lies about me, talking about me behind my back, and things escaladed and I said some biting words about her too.
I tried to eventually patch things up, for the sake of the family, but she was having none of it. Now they are getting married in October and I’m not invited! Imagine…to my own brother-in-law’s wedding. I was furious to hear how low she would go…and her family is totally on her side and who knows what she said to them about me. We BOTH were childish years ago, but now it’s time to act like adults. I would never dream of not inviting her to my wedding.
Well, my fiance is obviously invited…but people are saying he shouldn’t go and stand up for me.
What do you think?
Post # 2
westcoast_girl: He shouldn’t go and stand up for you.
Post # 3
westcoast_girl: He shouldn’t go and stand up for you.
Post # 4
wow. that’s rough. sorry about that. Worst part is that the family is on her side. Does his entire family not like you?
Post # 5
Post # 6
Wow.. that is petty! What does your FI want to do?
Post # 7
westcoast_girl: he should decline. His brother’a wife is not family oriented.
Post # 8
WOW. That is a terrible decision to have to make! I seem to be the odd person out, but I think you and your FI should talk about what decision is best for him/his brother. It REALLY SUCKS that she is excluding you (what does FI brother have to say?) but unfortunately, I think you should do everything you can to keep the family dynamic a good one. I don’t really know, it sucks either way! I’m sorry!
Post # 9
No, HER family is getting involved and backing up her decision to not invite me. His family loves me and clearly sees that she is acting like a psycho.
Now I dont even want to discuss our wedding plans, because this is creating such a black cloud over everything…and the FI’s parents are feeling they need to call an intervention with her parents. I feel so bad for them. The family is being split and things havent even begun.
My FI is going because “it’s his brother” and he’s in the bridal party.
FI’s brother didnt even come to our engagement party because she forbid him! She really is a piece of work.
Post # 10
I have trouble saying he shouldn’t go. I think this is a situation where there should be significant pressure from Fi’s family on His brother and FSIL to grow up and invite you. I can’t imagine putting my brother in that situation (or him putting me in it) despite the fact our FI’s dislike eachother.
Post # 11
If you don’t like your ex friend I don’t see why there is any conflict at all about you not being invited. I’m sure your future sister in law is not thrilled at the idea of your husband being that but thats unvoidable since he is the grooms brother. Despite your feelings for one another it would be unfair and horrible to put that burdeon on brothers who i’m sure love each other. Stay home that day have a spa day and enjoy yourself and put their wedding out of your mind.
Post # 12
I see your point, and that’s probably what I will end up doing (because as you can imagine, its the last event I’d like to attend now) it’s just the prinicipal of it, that I am part of the family now, and my FI shouldn’t be going anywhere that his future wife is not welcome. Its really disrespectful to me.
Being that it’s his brother, I can’t forbid him, like she has done to her FI..it’s just not me, and would make me look as bad as her. So I will just let it go. Just wanted to see others’ takes on the situation.
Post # 13
westcoast_girl: It’s not that you should forbid him. It’s that he should understand that you are his soon to be wife and if anyone disrespects you, even family, he better step up to the plate because he WANTS to protect you.
Post # 14
westcoast_girl: Try posting this in Etiquette too.
Extremely delicate situation.
It sounds like she’s jealous of you, or she wouldn’t have gone to the trouble of spending a decade making stuff up to paint this picture of you to others. How frustrating.
In an ideal world (yours), he wouldn’t go, but how can he not go to his brother’s wedding, with whom he hasn’t fallen out?
At least you can take comfort in the fact that he would be going for him -not for her.
If he doesn’t go by choice when he has been invited, it looks like he is not endorsing the wedding. That would look awful to his family. He is not considering whether he’d hurt her feelings by not attending, he is interested in his bro and his family’s attitude. If that is not important to him, then maybe he won’t attend, but don’t hold it against him if he does go. If she hasn’t said anything against him and he is invited and gets on with his bro, it might look odd if he doesn’t go.
A possible one-way-ticket-out of the mess is : he RSVP’s that the pair of you have a holiday booked at that time. You still have until October to get leave and save a bit for it? Do not allow yourself to be approached or reproached by her, just let FI deal with it, hand-written. She’ll have to buy his excuse through gritted teeth, but at least no-one has been directly rude and you’ll retain the upper hand.
You can’t expect him to be ‘around’ and not go, that’s why I think ‘briefly exiting’ together could be an option. They don’t know if you need this time to find your way back to eachother (perhaps you’ve had work commitments that made you drift apart etc etc, they’re not to know either way as it’s personal, so they can’t say anything)
Post # 15
And that’s what I told him….he should be standing up to me to his brother, which he did, but he can’t say “I’m not coming then” because that would just make everything worse and cause friction between them two as well….though there already is, since he didn’t come to our engagement party.
I guess all I can do now is let the parents talk it out (which Im sure won’t end pretty)