Should FI Go to this wedding???

posted 2 years ago in Family
Post # 4
Member
291 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

wow. that’s rough. sorry about that. Worst part is that the family is on her side. Does his entire family not like you? 

Post # 6
Member
2428 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Wow.. that is petty! What does your FI want to do?

Post # 7
Member
2891 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

westcoast_girl: he should decline. His brother’a wife is not family oriented. 

Post # 8
Member
121 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

WOW. That is a terrible decision to have to make! I seem to be the odd person out, but I think you and your FI should talk about what decision is best for him/his brother. It REALLY SUCKS that she is excluding you (what does FI brother have to say?) but unfortunately, I think you should do everything you can to keep the family dynamic a good one. I don’t really know, it sucks either way! I’m sorry!

Post # 10
Member
187 posts
Blushing bee

I have trouble saying he shouldn’t go. I think this is a situation where there should be significant pressure from Fi’s family on His brother and FSIL to grow up and invite you. I can’t imagine putting my brother in that situation (or him putting me in it) despite the fact our FI’s dislike eachother.

Post # 11
Member
113 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

If you don’t like your ex friend I don’t see why there is any conflict at all about you not being invited.  I’m sure your future sister in law is not thrilled at the idea of your husband being that but thats unvoidable since he is the grooms brother.  Despite your feelings for one another it would be unfair and horrible to put that burdeon on brothers who i’m sure love each other.  Stay home that day have a spa day and enjoy yourself and put their wedding out of your mind. 

Post # 13
Member
527 posts
Busy bee

westcoast_girl:  It’s not that you should forbid him. It’s that he should understand that you are his soon to be wife and if anyone disrespects you, even family, he better step up to the plate because he WANTS to protect you.

Post # 14
Member
560 posts
Busy bee

westcoast_girl: Try posting this in Etiquette too.

Extremely delicate situation. 

It sounds like she’s jealous of you, or she wouldn’t have gone to the trouble of spending a decade making stuff up to paint this picture of you to others. How frustrating.

In an ideal world (yours), he wouldn’t go, but how can he not go to his brother’s wedding, with whom he hasn’t fallen out?

At least you can take comfort in the fact that he would be going for him -not for her.

If he doesn’t go by choice when he has been invited, it looks like he is not endorsing the wedding. That would look awful to his family. He is not considering whether he’d hurt her feelings by not attending, he is interested in his bro and his family’s attitude. If that is not important to him, then maybe he won’t attend, but don’t hold it against him if he does go. If she hasn’t said anything against him and he is invited and gets on with his bro, it might look odd if he doesn’t go.

A possible one-way-ticket-out of the mess is : he RSVP’s that the pair of you have a holiday booked at that time. You still have until October to get leave and save a bit for it? Do not allow yourself to be approached or reproached by her, just let FI deal with it, hand-written. She’ll have to buy his excuse through gritted teeth, but at least no-one has been directly rude and you’ll retain the upper hand.

You can’t expect him to be ‘around’ and not go, that’s why I think ‘briefly exiting’ together could be an option. They don’t know if you need this time to find your way back to eachother (perhaps you’ve had work commitments that made you drift apart etc etc, they’re not to know either way as it’s personal, so they can’t say anything)

 

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