Should FMIL stay at the wedding house with us?

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Should I have invited FMIL to stay at our wedding house?
    Yes! Put your feelings to the side and suck it up! : (10 votes)
    30 %
    No! It is YOUR week and you should be stress free! : (23 votes)
    70 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    3598 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: December 2011

    Your mom paid for the rental.  Why does your FMIL think she’s entitled to free lodging?

    Post # 4
    Member
    1835 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: March 2013

    I would have invited her from the get go, but that’s just me, you don’t HAVE to invite her if it’s going to cause stress.

    Post # 6
    Member
    7216 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    @sara5ann:  Even though your mom is paying, I think gifts like that should come with no strings attached. It doesn’t seem right to me that your aunt and uncle get priority ahead of your FMIL. It’s like your mother is “buying” you and your fiance during your wedding week, if your FMIL is not invited.

    That said, I think the decision should be your FI’s, because she’s his mother. He’s the one who can decide whether he can handle the flak from (partly) excluding her during the wedding week.

    Post # 7
    Member
    10219 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: December 2012

    Etiquette Snob here… lol

    In truth you don’t have to put your MIL up at the same accommodations as your Family (especially as they paid)

    BUT you should be aware, that when it comes to “Traditional” Etiquette, which is considered the most formal / Polite… the Bride & Groom would pay for the accommodations (normally 2 Nights… Night Before and Night of) for their Parents… as well as for the Bridal Party (MOH, Best Man, Bridesmaids & Ushers etc) PLUS whomever they would wish to bring along with them for the Weekend (Members of the BP and immediate Family over the age of 18 should always get a Plus One)

    So even if MIL isn’t staying in the same spot as your Mom et al… she really needs a spot that your & your Fiancé organize for her that is comfortable & convenient to the Wedding Festivities.

    Hope this helps,

     

    Post # 8
    Member
    2222 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    I’d have your FI say something like your family booked it and gifted it to the newlyweds so its not your place to add guests. But say you didn’t mean to hurt her feelings and help her find lodging sorta nearby. Maybe ask if there are other relatives she would want to rent with?

    Post # 11
    Member
    7098 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: August 2012

    Is she coming alone?

    Post # 14
    Member
    2222 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    @sara5ann:  I get why she’s upset but she’d probably be happier with friends. Especially if you two aren’t super tight. At this point, it would just be so awkward and if your FI doesn’t care and he’s actively helping her find somewhere else to stay with friends, I’d just keep on that plan!

     

    Post # 15
    Member
    7216 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    @sara5ann:  Then to be honest I can why she’s offended – you are choosing to stay with your family rather than her.

    But again, this is really your fiance’s decision. Probably a lot of potential hurt can be defused if you fiance makes sure he spends lots of time with her. (After all, traditionally, bride gets ready with her family and groom with his). You might even want to consider him staying with her some nights??

    Post # 16
    Member
    10219 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: December 2012

    To @sara5ann:  Reply # 9, you said:

    My fiance has been helping find a place for her and her friends to stay. He is  basically doing the planning for her.

    Sounds like a plan… altho I also agree with @paula1248: (Reply # 14) “traditionally” the Bride & Groom prepare for the Wedding (Day Of) with their own families… as it usually is a very sentimental / touching time for Parents & their Grown Children as they launch into this NEW phase of their lives… we have to remember that essentially a Wedding that brings together 2 Families to CELEBRATE the creation of a NEW Family.  Yours & His

    He most certainly should be aware of his Mother’s Feelings at this time (she cannot help but reflect back on her Lifetime of having him in “her nest”… from the second she found out she was pregnant to this moment when he is truly a Man making his own life now, a new beginning as the Husband to You)

    I’d say that your Fiancé should honour that moment in time for his Mother…

    AND BONUS… it will probably bode well for your own Relationship, and the Marriage Bond that you as a DIL will have with her in the future.

    Hope this helps,

     

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