Post # 1
Is it bad not to ask your FSIL to be in your wedding? My future FSIL and I aren’t close at all. In fact, she has had some problems with my FH and my relationship. I am really not sure why and have tried every way to befriend her but all I get is repeated warnings “not to hurt her brother.”
she intimidates me and I really don’t want to ask her to be in my wedding but rather have her walk down the aisle with my FH and their grandmother. I just can’t imagine sharing any other part of the day with her.
Am I wrong for this?
Post # 2
You aren’t obligated to ask anyone, so no you do not have to ask her to be in the wedding.
Post # 3
- Wedding: March 2017 - Outside in Paris
Does your fiancé want her in the wedding? If not I think it’s okay not to ask her.
Post # 4
If your fiance really wants her in the wedding, he could ask her to be on his side, as a groomswoman! He could also ask her to walk him down the aisle with their grandmother, as you mentioned. You’re not obilgated at all to have her as a bridesmaid.
I have both my FSILs as my bridesmaids, because it was important to me to include my FILs as we’ll soon all be family. However, my FSILs are my friends and they are positive, lovely people. I can’t imagine including a FSIL who disapproved of my relationship with her brother and isn’t a pleasant person to be around as someone standing by my side on my wedding day.
Post # 5
No, she doesn’t have to be in your wedding. I didn’t have my SIL in my wedding, and my brother’s wife didn’t have me. At least in my circles, it’s not common to include the FSILs. The bride includes those closest to her, and generally her FI’s sisters aren’t in her very closest circle of friends.
I did a reading at my brother’s wedding. That to me is a good role for the groom’s sister (or bride’s brother).
Post # 6
I don’t think you need to ask your FSIL/s unless you’re close with them. If your FI wants her to be in the wedding, she can stand up on his side.
I have 3 SILs and I did ask one of them to be a bridesmaid, but I consider us close – we have a lot of similar interests and spend time together outside of the family (we go to the movies, we get coffee, we text, we talk on the phone, etc). I don’t have this same close relationship with my other SILs, although they are lovely girls who I get along well with. They both did readings (at DH’s request) and didn’t seem upset at all that their older sister was a bridesmaid while they weren’t.
Post # 7
I don’t think you’re obligated to make her your bridesmaid, especially if you don’t have a good relationship with her. Your bridesmaids should be people that you’re close with and who support your marriage to your fiance. If your FI wants her in the wedding, maybe brainstorm some ideas on how you can incorporate her without making her a bridesmaid. Some have suggested having her be a groomswoman, which is becoming more common (and seems like a neat idea IMO).
Not engaged yet, but when I do get married my FSIL will likely be my maid of honor, because she has been one of my best friends since shortly before I started dating her brother and we are very close. Therefore, I think this decision depends entirely on the quality of your relationship with her and whether or not she supports you both.
Post # 8
- Wedding: February 2017 - historical mansion
msalmk : I wasn’t in my brother’s wedding and I was actually relieved that I didn’t have to buy a bridesmaid dress or anything. I did a reading and that was fine by me. His wife is five years younger than me and has a lot of female friends and a sister so that was her bridal party. When I got married at age 36, I knew my friends wouldn’t want the hassle of being in the wedding so I had only immediate family in the ceremony so that was my husband’s sister and her husband on his side and my brother and his wife on my side. The point is: do what you want!
Post # 9
I asked my FSIL to be a part of my bridal party, because we do get on really well and i want her to be involved in our day. She is six years younger than me. That being said, i did not ask FBIL’s fiancee to be in my wedding party, as we are not very close and don’t have much in common. (she is closer to my age that FSIL). It’s completely a personal choice, but you should not feel obligated to have anyone being a part of your bridal party who you don’t want there.
Just to clarify, FBIL’s fiancee did not ask either myself or FSIL to be in her bridal party either, and there is absolutely no bad feelings in any of these choices 🙂 As i said, its completely up to you