Should groomswomen be treated differently than bridesmaids?

posted 3 years ago in Bridesmaids
  • poll: Who should communicate with groomswomen about wedding related things that may be feminine?
    Let the Groom handle logistical stuff, but the bride can talk about dresses and accessories. : (15 votes)
    34 %
    Let the bride handle all the wedding communication with the girls. : (7 votes)
    16 %
    Let the groom handle all the wedding communication with his side. : (4 votes)
    9 %
    Groomswomen should be invited to the bridal shower. : (18 votes)
    41 %
    Groomswomen should not be invited to the bridal shower. : (0 votes)
  • Post # 3
    Member
    681 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2013

    How close to you are the other girls? If you already feel close to them, I would just communicate direclty with them, I don’t think that would be weird.  I think it would be weird if my guy friend was telling me about his dress choices LOL.

    If you don’t feel that close, maybe you could arrange to go out for coffee with your FI and all the groomswomen, and just kind of have an intro.  I bet they would love to be involved with dress shopping, etc, and would probably also enjoy being invited to the bridal shower (his sister should probably be invited regardless).

    Post # 4
    Member
    1355 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2013 - Vine Street Church

    My fiance wanted me to discuss dresses with the women, and they’re going to be invited to both my bachelorette stuff and his bachelor stuff so they can choose what they prefer to do. I’m friends with all of his groomswomen too.

    Post # 5
    Member
    3806 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    @sweet5k:  I have 1 groomsmaid or Best Lady 🙂

    She’s FI’s best friend. She is wearing the same dress as the bridesmaids but in black. Instead of carrying a bouquet, she will have a wrist corsage that’s the same design as the groom’s and groomsman’s boutonniere. 

    She will get her makeup done with us the day of the wedding so I include her in all of those emails. FI and I discussed this beforehand. I’m responsible for all communication about “girl” related things. Also she’s never been in a wedding before, so I’m leaving some things open to her. If she wants to get dressed on her own, she can. If she wants to get dressed with us, she can. I was there to help with her fitting, not FI. 

    Well, he was there but totally not paying attention lol And she was invited to the shower but she isn’t attending because she’s out of state. That was expected and totally understandable. If you feel like inviting the groomsmaids, then go for it. If not, then don’t. It’s up to you.

     

     

     

     

     

    Post # 6
    Member
    592 posts
    Busy bee

    I had a bridesman and I handle the communication with him.  So then I would say that your FI should handle logistic stuff with his groomswomen.  As far as outfits though, that depends.  As the bride I dressed everyone anyway so I would say you can talk dresses with them, especially if you will also have inputs about the suits/tux as well. 

    I think they should be invited to the bridal shower, unless they will be going to the bachelor party.

    Post # 7
    Member
    3344 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: April 2013 - Rhode Island

    Wow, this is a weird situation.  Maybe all communications should be from the both of you?  Like sign both your names on e-mails and such?  As to whether or not to invite them to your shower, I would only do so if they are your friends.  If they’re only his, I would treat them like I would regular male groomsmen.

    Post # 8
    Member
    3500 posts
    Sugar bee

    Having been in this situation as a groomswoman, I found it completely odd that the groom turned us over to the bride for clothing and this also resulted in some of the grirls getting differnet information than others. When it came to day of, the groomswomen were not invited to join in the hair and make up appointments the bride organized for the maids. Also, the bride ordered a smaller boquet for us then for her maids which is not my decision, whatever but it was off putting. I had a lot of fun hanging out with the guys before the wedding but there were some things the groom thought the bride told us and some things the maids thought we were participating in which the bride did not invite us too which was a bit odd. For example, the bride organized a dress shopping day with local maids and did not invite the one local groomswoman who found out about it at the rehersal dinner when one of the maids was talking about it. So, I would recommend the groom deals with his friends no matter what gender and includes them in all activities. I assume they are not super girly or mutual friends, but if that is the case, maybe the bride should include them in all pre wedding prep. 

    Post # 9
    Member
    1101 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: December 2013

    FI’s two sisters will be acting as groomswomen, if I have anything I want to commmunicate to them I tell FI and he tells them. I don’t communicate with them directly just because we aren’t so close that I feel comfortable calling them but I suppose if we were closer I would.

    I think as women they probably assume that you are the one making most of the decisions about the wedding so it wouldn’t be that weird if you just called them directly. As for the bridal shower, I would only invite them if you are close to them as well and would enjoy having them there. 

    Post # 10
    Member
    789 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    We have an MOH and a Best Lady. I am also super close to the Best Lady, so I have been handling everything related to her role in the wedding basically. My FI decided that he wanted her to wear a dress in the same style as the MOH but in grey, so I went with her to pick that out. She will be walking out the side door with him, but will have a bouquet and is getting her hair done with us and then meeting up with my FI at the hotel while he gets ready.

    Its complicated, but it is what he wanted and I love her!

    Post # 11
    Member
    4474 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: February 2012

    I think you should communicate details about attire yourself and invite them to the bridal shower, especially since one is his sister (who I would think would be invited anyway) and if he is so close to these three friends to have them stand up in the wedding then they should definitely be invited to your bridal shower. I see the only difference in these women from your bridesmaids is where they walk at the rehearsal and actual wedding. Since these women are his friends (and his sister) he can just communicate logisitics, but the truth is you can just play that by ear when something needs to be communicated. 

    Post # 12
    Member
    137 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: July 2013

    I think any way you do it is fine. We have two groomswomen, both are OOT so they didn’t come with my bridesmaids and I dress shopping. We tried to tell them any gray dress, but they wanted more direction so we ended up sending them about 10 to choose from, I think he was the one that sent them that. I emailed them both about hair and makeup, since I am setting all of that up. It just depends on what it is, they are his sisters so he naturally talks to them more and mentions some thing, but if it is something I am handling it’s just easier for me to talk to them.

    As far as what they are attending, they were both invited to the shower (but didn’t attend since they are OOT), and our bachelor/bachelorette is joint so they were invited to that along with their SOs (but again, can’t attend). Day of the wedding we are both getting ready at the same hotel, so they are invited to get their hair and makeup done with my bridesmaids and I (his mom is too), and then they can have lunch with him and his guys if they want to or with us (probably depends on the timing of hair and makeup).

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