Should he ask my mom?!

posted 2 years ago in Waiting
  • poll: Should my SO ask my mom for her permission to marry me before the proposal?
    Yes, he wants to do it, you should respect that. : (16 votes)
    57 %
    No, you two are already living together, and you're a grown woman! : (9 votes)
    32 %
    Compromise--he can ask for her blessing after you announce the engagement : (3 votes)
    11 %
    Other--explained below : (0 votes)
  • Post # 2
    2428 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    I don’t see him talking to your mom or sisters as asking for permission, especially if they adore him and already support your relationship, but that just might be my point of view. My husband called my family the day he proposed to let them know. He also called all of our friends. To me it was more like, “it’s going down today!!” That’s how our circle is.

    But if you would rather share the news with your family together afterwards, that’s a totally different thing.

    Post # 3
    162 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: September 2015


    jillbean1217:  I think since your family adores him, it’s really cute that he wants to make them feel included.  My FI took my parents out for dinner and they were at the resturant for over 4 hours and had the best time ever.  They have loved him since day 1 but it was great for them to just bond by themselves.  It’s not really that he was asking permission but I know my parents really loved that he took the time out to include them in such a huge milestone.  My parents begged him to see the ring at dinner but he said no.  He wanted me to be able to tell them the whole story and have that awesome experience of showing them the ring myself.  You will still be able to surprise them with the ring and telling them the story after he proposes is such an amazing experience!  My parents still talk about the dinner they had.  Hope that helps 🙂

    Post # 4
    290 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    My husband and I dated for five years and lived together. I moved across the country for him. My dad isn’t in the picture, so my husband called my mom and showed her the ring etc. He planned an entire surprise engagement party with my entire family after he proposed. 

    If he wants to include your mom, let him. He may have a few more surprises up his sleeve for you 😉 

    Post # 5
    312 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: November 2015

    I think they whole asking permission thing is VERY outdated. They know, you know, everyone knows you should be together. Why wait even longer?! My mom loves my FI, he didn’t ask and she was still just as happy when he became engaged.

    Post # 6
    108 posts
    Blushing bee

    When my husband proposed, we had been living together for 7 years. My parents are divorced and I have a deeply close relationship to my mother. My husband went to her before he proposed, not so much to ask for her permission, he was already a part of my family; but to include her on this very huge step that we would be taking. They shed tears of happiness together and talked about our future. I know my mom really loved and appreciated it and it was a very special moment between the two of them. I know a lot of people have strong feelings about this so I understand why you feel so but I think it’s really sweet to want to include your family. If you want to keep it to yourselves for the surprise factor, I would explain it to him in that way. For what it’s worth, my proposal was a complete surprise that I never saw coming. All my family and closest friends were there and it was one of the best nights of my life. Seeing as though your proposal won’t be too much of a surprise for you, I think you can definitely compromise because you want to be a part of sharing the awesome news. Good luck and congratulations!! 

    Post # 7
    4650 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    jillbean1217:  FOR SURE #1! It’s old school and traditional and I think it’s really sweet.

    Post # 8
    406 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2015

    I think it is very important to include your parents in this, but how you do it should be decided by the both of you. However, most things wedding related are centered around the woman, so if that is how it is going to be with your wedding, I would let him have this one thing. I love it when my FI gets excited about something wedding related and has an idea or something meaningful that he wants to do. 🙂

    Post # 10
    2565 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2014

    I think if you didn’t care one way or the other it would be fine for him to ask.  Since you have fairly negative opinions about it I think he should respect that and not do it.  I would have been pissed if my SO had gone to my parents first, even if it was for a “blessing” and not “permission”.

    Post # 11
    2262 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: December 2009

    jillbean1217:  Like you, I was older when I got married, (2 days shy of my 28th birthday) and had been on my own since I was 18.  I always knew I wanted my future SO to talk to my dad.  Not necessarily to ask permission, but more for his blessing.  I believe it’s a sign of respect.  And I know that my dad greatly appreciated that my my now husband took the time to talk to him about marrying me.  I get that it’s not for everyone, but for me it was extremely important.  My parents are a huge part of my life and I wanted them to know that DH respected them enough to want their blessing.

    Post # 12
    287 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: November 2015 - Old Mill Boathouse

    I’m 30, my partner is 40 we live together and we will be paying for everything, my parents and family love him and I expect him to ask my parents before he proposes and he anticipated asking.  For us it was just a respect thing.

    • This reply was modified 1 year, 11 months ago by  happenstance.
    Post # 13
    2679 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2015

    I personally told my FI when we first started talking about getting engaged that I did not want him to ask my parents for their permission or their blessing. I love and respect my family but I agree with you, the only persons permission he needed to ask for is mine! Maybe if you explain your reasoning he will understand?

    Post # 14
    128 posts
    Blushing bee

    Definitely let him do it! It’s not about the permission. It’s the symbol. And men getting the validation that they’re good enough for you. I wouldn’t even question it. If that’s what he wants to do I think it’s kinda sweet, plus it might mean something tradition-wise to him.

    I’m nearly 28 and my boyfriend has no intentions of asking my parents apparently, but both of my brother in laws did for my sister and my dad really appreciated it (he’s old fashioned and he also asked my grandfather for my mothers hand).

    Post # 15
    2706 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2013

    jillbean1217:  If you are really opposed to it, he shouldn’t do it.

    Leave a comment

    Sent weekly. You may unsubscribe at any time.

    Find Amazing Vendors