(Closed) Should he bother telling his parents?

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
1565 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

Awww sweetie, im sorry you’re going through.

TBH i dont really know what’s the best, since that kind of people can be so unpredictable.

What if you dont send them the letter and they end up knowing and coming to your wedding uninvited and making a huge mess?

You and your FI are the ones who know them better.

If you DO send the letter/email, check it a LOT so they wont come up with crazy ideas that get them feeling offended or something.

Post # 4
Member
2782 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I think you need to let your soon to be FI decide this one. Just sit back and support him for any decision he makes regarding his family.

Post # 5
Member
772 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@YogaFaerie:  I just don’t want people saying bad things about us.

The hell with other people.  Really.  He made a choice.  Granted it was a controversial choice and of course there is some backlash for it.  You both have to keep your heads held high and take personal satisfaction in knowing he’s done the right thing.

As far as whether or not to tell them… I don’t know.  That’s really his call.  If he chooses to do it, he can’t have any expectations.  It’s unlikely that this impending wedding is going to change their behaviors.  I would tell him to do what he thinks is best, but to not set himself up for disappointment.  If they are crappy to him about the FANTASTIC news, then he’s got to shrug it off and move on knowing he tried.  Again, personal satisfaction… this is not for the satisfaction of others. 

Best of luck to you both.

Post # 6
Member
201 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

This is hard, but it has to be up to your FI to decide what to do.  I also have a no-contact experience with my dad (parents are divorced).  I think that the thing to ask is “knowing the parties involved, can anything good come from breaking the no-contact rule”?  For me, the answer was no.  If I told my dad about my wedding, he would have acted all insulted like I only told him so that I could ask him to pay.  I didn’t want his money and I didn’t want to deal with his drama either.  Unfortunately, I knew he’s just not capable of a positive response, which is why there’s no contact in the first place.

Post # 7
Member
1572 posts
Bumble bee

Even though you aren’t talking to them, life is really short and you don’t want to have any regrets later on. I don’t know the gritty details about the situation beyond what you have said, but there have been people in my family stop talking to eachother and then someone died and they were really upset that they missed time. Sorry to be morbid! Then again, I know there are situations in which not talking IS the best option. I didn’t invite my abusive ex-stepdad to my wedding and his daughter didn’t invite him to hers either.. he’s a horrible human being in general.

Whatever you choose, it is noone’s place to make you feel guilty!

Post # 8
Member
4466 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

It should be your fiance’s call whether or not to include his family in big moments. If it were me, I would let them know. The family you have should be precious and this is an unfortunate situation for everyone involved.

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