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I don't think there is a right answer to this question. Mr HC and I go plenty of places without each other for one reason or another. Ususally if one of us really wants the other one to go somewhere, we try to make it work, but sometimes we have to go alone. If you really want him there, you should communicate that to him, but also listen to why he doesn't want to go. I don't think it should stop you from going, but I definitely think you guys need to talk about it.
I agree with hermitcrab. Yes, you two are now engaged, but that doesn't mean you have to be together for every single thing. If your FI didn't have a particular issue with going to the wedding, I would say he should go with you because it's the nice thing to do. However, he seems to have legitimate concerns so you guys should really discuss this. My thought is that if you will enjoy yourself there without him (i.e. you know others at the wedding and don't need to be by his side all the time), then he has a stonger argument for not going. I don't think that he HAS to go just because you think he should.
Depending on why he doesn't like the guy, I would like to think that both parties in a relationship make sacrifices for one another (in an ideal world anyway). I would hope he would see how important it is to you and go (I mean unless the groom did something absolutely terrible to him or something). It's not like he has to be around the groom if he doesn't want to. Just remember this is a two-way street and when he needs you, you should be there for him as well.
I agree with hermitcrab and Tulip that you don't have to go everywhere together just because you are engaged. If he doesn't want to go, then it's okay and you can go alone.
Well, yes. I do think he should go, to support you and to have a fun night. However, if he has a really valid reason for not liking the groom, if something really serious happened, I would probably let him skip this one.
Maybe I should add a little more to this. He knows the bride. SHE wants him to go and seeing as she is going to travel 14 hours to be in OUR wedding I feel like his excuse that he doesn't like the groom really doesn't cut it. We do plenty of things together and apart. I usually don't ask him to do things he doesn't want but on this one I feel like he should. I will only know the bride too which is why I think I'm more insistent on wanting him there but regardless of that I think it will be rude for him not to go. I don't know maybe I am overreacting.
Is the animosity two sided between the groom and your FI? If so, I think there is even more reason for your FI to stay home. The groom probably doesn't want to celebrate with him either. Since the bride is your best friend I'm sure there will be plenty of other people there that you can hang out with. Because of the nature of my husband's job I have to go to a lot of weddings alone.. and it's no big deal to us.
He shouldn't have to go- or feel pressured to go. If the situation were turned around, would you want to be the awkward feeling one that didn't like the bride and had to sit solo at a table with people you didn't know?
I agree with the other gals- you're together but you don't have to be together ALL the time..
There have been times that mine hasn't been able to come with me but that's been due to work. I think that since she's in your wedding it would be nice for him to go and support them.
@Moose, no it's not two sided at all, the groom is actually clueless to the fact that my FI doesn't like him. And I've been to a couple of weddings by myself just not one where I've felt that he needed to be there.
@Lilmispriss, you are right, I don't want to pressure him into going, but it frustrates me b/c I have been in that situation TWICE before! We went to his ex-girlfriend's wedding (the two are still ver good friends but it was still the last place I wanted to be) and I had another similar situation at a friend of his wedding where one of his ex's was a bridesmaid and was VERY vocal about not liking me.
I don't feel like we need to be together ALL the time, I don't think he needs to go to every wedding or event I go to either, this is just one I think he needs to attend, it would be very direspectful for him not to go. I will def keep thinking on this one...
The only difference is you're a BM not just a guest, won't there be a fair amount of time wherehe will be left on his own? You'll be off getting ready doing BM duties and it might actually make more sense for him not to be there in this case if he's not in the wedding and doesn't know anyone else, just playing devil's advocate really.
Eh, I don't know. I kind of feel like if he doesn't like them, then he shouldn't go not only just because he would feel uncomfortable, but you would end up making the bride and groom pay for someone who doesn't even want anything to do with their day. Besides, if you're a BM you'll have a lot going on that night... It wouldn't be all that terrible to not have a date.
I kind of agree with @Cricket1524 - since you're in the wedding, you probably won't actually get to spend that much time with your FI - especially if the bride and groom are having a head table with just the wedding party there. Your FI will have to sit with strangers, which would totally suck for him.
Maybe just let him know that you really want him to go, and if he still feel uncomfortable, let him stay at home.
Hope you guys can figure something out!
I guess I'll go against the grain and say I think he should go. The bride has specifically requested his presence, and the groom doesn't have any issues with your FI, and I think it's just the right thing to do. Yeah, you may be in the bridal party, but the bride may even be seating you with your dates, so you would have dinner together. I'd say make him go :)
I think it depends on why he doesn't like the groom. Like, if the groom punched him last week, he probably should not go. If he just thinks the groom is a bit of a tool, he should suck it up and go for you. These people are going to be in your life for a while if she's your best friend, and he needs to do what's necessary to help you maintain your friendships. Plus, by not going he's just putting off the unpleasantness on you, because then you'll be stuck with no one to dance with and likely be bored, but you can't leave early because your a BM. And I think that's pretty selfish. I wouldn't insist that he has to go, but I would pretty emphatically tell him it would mean a lot to you if he went and that you would be disappointed and sad if he didn't.
If the main issue is that he'll be bored because he doesn't know anyone - he's right - he will be. But, because it's important to you and it's your good friend, he needs to suck it up and support you.
I agree with lemilie. While I understand the other bees' advice about not having to go to every event together, in this situation, I think he should go. If the bride is requesting his presence and you're a BM, his not wanting to go is a little odd to me. Especially if you had to sit though his ex's wedding (I'm assuming you DEF didn't want to be there for that one, I know I wouldn't want to ever go to my FI's ex's wedding).
Unless there is the possibilty of the groom and your FI getting into some sort of bloody brawl, I'd tell him you'd like if he'd go. To support you AND the bride that wants him there.
Edit: The poster above me pretty much summed up my post. Haha I somehow skipped you oracle!
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I am in a BM in a wedding coming up and my fiance doesn't want to go. He's not a huge fan of the groom (too long of story to write about here) and plus he will not know anyone but me. I feel like we are kind of a package deal now and that he should go, but I don't want to force him. This is my best friend, shouldn't he at least go for me?