(Closed) Should he go?

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
2362 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010 - New York Botanical Garden

I don’t think there is a right answer to this question.  Mr HC and I go plenty of places without each other for one reason or another.  Ususally if one of us really wants the other one to go somewhere, we try to make it work, but sometimes we have to go alone.  If you really want him there, you should communicate that to him, but also listen to why he doesn’t want to go.  I don’t think it should stop you from going, but I definitely think you guys need to talk about it.

Post # 4
2475 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I agree with hermitcrab.  Yes, you two are now engaged, but that doesn’t mean you have to be together for every single thing.  If your Fiance didn’t have a particular issue with going to the wedding, I would say he should go with you because it’s the nice thing to do.  However, he seems to have legitimate concerns so you guys should really discuss this.  My thought is that if you will enjoy yourself there without him (i.e. you know others at the wedding and don’t need to be by his side all the time), then he has a stonger argument for not going.  I don’t think that he HAS to go just because you think he should.

Post # 5
837 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Depending on why he doesn’t like the guy, I would like to think that both parties in a relationship make sacrifices for one another (in an ideal world anyway).  I would hope he would see how important it is to you and go (I mean unless the groom did something absolutely terrible to him or something).  It’s not like he has to be around the groom if he doesn’t want to.  Just remember this is a two-way street and when he needs you, you should be there for him as well.

Post # 6
18645 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

I agree with hermitcrab and Tulip that you don’t have to go everywhere together just because you are engaged.  If he doesn’t want to go, then it’s okay and you can go alone.

Post # 7
4001 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Well, yes.  I do think he should go, to support you and to have a fun night.  However, if he has a really valid reason for not liking the groom, if something really serious happened, I would probably let him skip this one. 

Post # 9
1927 posts
Buzzing bee

Is the animosity two sided between the groom and your FI?  If so, I think there is even more reason for your Fiance to stay home.  The groom probably doesn’t want to celebrate with him either.  Since the bride is your best friend I’m sure there will be plenty of other people there that you can hang out with.  Because of the nature of my husband’s job I have to go to a lot of weddings alone.. and it’s no big deal to us.

Post # 10
209 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

He shouldn’t have to go- or feel pressured to go. If the situation were turned around, would you want to be the awkward feeling one that didn’t like the bride and had to sit solo at a table with people you didn’t know?

I agree with the other gals- you’re together but you don’t have to be together ALL the time..

Post # 11
2695 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

There have been times that mine hasn’t been able to come with me but that’s been due to work.  I think that since she’s in your wedding it would be nice for him to go and support them. 

Post # 13
555 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

The only difference is you’re a Bridesmaid or Best Man not just a guest, won’t there be a fair amount of time wherehe will be left on his own? You’ll be off getting ready doing Bridesmaid or Best Man duties and it might actually make more sense for him not to be there in this case if he’s not in the wedding and doesn’t know anyone else, just playing devil’s advocate really.

Post # 14
2083 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

Eh, I don’t know. I kind of feel like if he doesn’t like them, then he shouldn’t go not only just because he would feel uncomfortable, but you would end up making the bride and groom pay for someone who doesn’t even want anything to do with their day. Besides, if you’re a Bridesmaid or Best Man you’ll have a lot going on that night… It wouldn’t be all that terrible to not have a date.

Post # 15
529 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

I kind of agree with @Cricket1524 – since you’re in the wedding, you probably won’t actually get to spend that much time with your Fiance – especially if the bride and groom are having a head table with just the wedding party there.  Your Fiance will have to sit with strangers, which would totally suck for him.

Maybe just let him know that you really want him to go, and if he still feel uncomfortable, let him stay at home.

Hope you guys can figure something out!

Post # 16
396 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I guess I’ll go against the grain and say I think he should go. The bride has specifically requested his presence, and the groom doesn’t have any issues with your Fiance, and I think it’s just the right thing to do. Yeah, you may be in the bridal party, but the bride may even be seating you with your dates, so you would have dinner together. I’d say make him go 🙂

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