Post # 1
Ladies, I have a dilemma.
In a nutshell, my FI and I are having a destination wedding in Asia (largely in order to meet family in the middle, since our guests are coming from all over the world). FI’s step-mother works in the beauty business and has kindly offered to do my hair and makeup on the day, but I’m hesitant to accept for a couple of reasons:
1) FI is not close to his step-mother (she is much younger than FFIL and they only married a few years ago).
2) Step-mother has a reputation for being a bit…difficult (throwing tantrums, excluding other family members, etc). For example, she entirely refuses to talk to FI’s grandparents now and generally ignores FI and his brother. I suspect that the main reason that she is taking an interest in our wedding is because we have invited FI’s young half-sister to be a flower girl.
3) I’m worried it may cause some drama with FI’s mother and other family members who she has alienated over the years. She and FFIL met long after the divorce, but still.
4) There’s always a chance that I won’t like the way she does my hair or makeup, in which case I’m not sure how comfortable I’ll be asking her to redo it.
On the other hand:
1) It might be hard to find someone over there used to working with caucasian skin tones. We are also flying in and out within a few days so I’m not sure I’ll have time for a trial. FI’s step-mother is offering me a trial before we go.
2) I don’t really want to cause drama and ruin FI’s connection with his half-sister by turning her down.
3) If it works, it would be cheap and convenient (although I’m not so worried about the money aspect).
I am seeing her tomorrow, so I will have to let her know then. Help! I could try doing the trial with her and see how it goes, but I’m not sure if that might cause even more problems if I get her to do the trial and then use someone else… Any advice would be very much appreciated!
Post # 3
Haha, well, so far I see the poll is definitely trending towards ‘Nope!’.
Post # 4
@Penang1885: I would let her. You don’t need to get involved in other people’s drama. If they aren’t mad that her daughter is the flower girl, why would they be mad that she’s helping you out? Just because other family members don’t get along with her doesn’t mean you need to alienate her. She’s part of the family, so she should be treated as such.
Don’t get tied up in why other people do or don’t like her. Make decisions for yourself based on your own interactions and have a relationship with her independent of other people. Maybe she is extending an olive branch and wants to be a part of your day. This could help bridge the gap between her and your partner, too.
Post # 5
I would mostly be worried about the availability of alternatives. Where are you getting married? You can PM if you don’t want to post. I live in and often travel around Asia so I might be able to help you out!
Post # 6
This is tough. I voted no but I think these are a few things to consider:
Have you seen her do anyone else’s make up, and what do you think? If you like it, then maybe.
Also, will she be ok with packing all the extra makeup and hair stuff she would need for the day? I’ve seen MUAs and the stuff they usually bring and it’s often enough stuff to warrant it’s own carry on.
What does your FI think? Does his think his mom might get upset?
Is she doing hair and makeup for your whole bridal party?
If she were to cause drama, are you prepared to do your own hair and makeup?
If it weren’t an option to have her do it, what would you do? Are you staying in a hotel with a good concierge or a spa? Perhaps they can recommend a MUA for you and they could send pictures ahead of time? Not sure where in Asia you are going but if it’s Hong Kong, Tokyo or Korea they are OBSESSED with skincare and makeup, more so than we are (I had a beauty brand as a client so I spent time over there doing skincare research, I’m not generalizing.) It might not be a big deal to find a MUA over there.
Post # 7
I voted yes. Will it really cause family “drama” to have this woman put some makeup on your face and style your hair? It’s not like you’re asking her to escort you down the aisle and give a toast at your wedding! 🙂
I would bring lots of very clear “inspiration” pics and give very clear directions about what you want…that way there’s much less of a chance that she’ll mess up and give you a look you don’t want.
Post # 8
@Penang1885: If you do decide to decline, it seems like the easiest way would be to emphasize how you really want her to enjoy the trip as a guest, not to be lugging a train case of makeup or working while everyone else is relaxing.
Post # 9
@somethingblue04: This is pretty much my view. I mean, she’s never done anything bad to me although I don’t really know her well (we lived in another country from them until a few weeks ago). However my FI is quite leery of taking her up on her offer since he has a seen a couple of her blowups over the years. He didn’t even want his sister to be a flower girl, but I knew his family were keen on it so I pushed to have her because I know it will mean a lot to her and his father.
@canuckandakiwi: Never seen her do anyone else’s makeup or hair, unfortunately. I’ve only met her a couple of times. However she has worked in the industry for a long time and seems well put-together, so I don’t think she’d be terrible.
I have a lot of my own makeup I can bring along since I got my makeup professionally done in Sephora for my engagement party a few months ago. I still have the foundation, concealer, lipstick, etc., plus the Naked 2 palette for eyes. I also have a GHD for my hair since I just want loose curls. It wouldn’t be the end of the world if I had to do my own makeup, but I’d just rather not. 😛
FI doesn’t think his Mom would be that much of a problem, but his grandparents may be. He keeps telling me I probably shouldn’t use her, but then again he didn’t even want his little sister as a flower girl.
My bridal party can handle their own hair and makeup, I think. It’s not going to be a super formal event. We are having it in Penang in a nice hotel, so I think we could source a MUA there without too much trouble, it’s just hard to say how good they would be. I wouldn’t have much time for trials.
Post # 10
@sailor_girl: Sigh, I hope not! But then again, parts of his family haven’t spoken in years over what seem on the surface to be minor things. I’m just trying to forge ahead diplomatically but FI is a bit less inclined to be flexible and risk hassle on the day. Personally it doesn’t bother me too much if there are kids running around being silly or if my look isn’t 100% perfect. However I would hate to have big drama on the day.
Post # 11
@Bubblesmcgee: Thanks – yes, I think this would definitely be the tack I would take! 🙂
Post # 12
Since there’s potential drama and she’s your FIs stepmom and he thinks you shouldn’t let her do it, I’d go with his opinion.
Post # 13
@Shkragoldfish: Thanks for your thoughts!
Post # 14
No. When you supsect trouble, run the other way. In life and with family.