Post # 1
My wedding is in September of this year and we are currently working on our guest list. One of the groomsmen has a girlfriend that is a complete nightmare. She has outright stated that she doesn’t like either one of us and truthfully, we can’t stand her either. She’s a bully and she doesn’t treat her boyfriend well at all.
My family and my fiance’s family don’t like her either and have mentioned that they don’t think she should be invited. My fiance told his friend this and he was not happy at all.
I don’t think that the bride and groom should invite someone they don’t like (and who doesn’t like them) just to be polite to the groomsmen or bridesmaids. Am I wrong to feel this way? We can’t even invite all of our family members.
Post # 3
@punkin89: I think you have to be consistent about your rule.
If you want to make your rule you have to be married or engaged to get a plus one, then that’s fine.
But if you are letting other people bring their boyfriends or girlfriends then you really can’t single this one guy out.
Post # 4
If she doesn’t like either of you, wouldn’t she probably skip it even if she was invited?
Post # 5
I would tell the friend that he can have a plus one as long as it’s not THAT one.
Post # 6
I personally think that the wedding party should be allowed a +1. Honestly, you probably won’t even notice her on your wedding day.
Post # 7
I agree with Gemstone . Also, I don’t think you should single this GM out about his plus one. How long have they been dating?
Post # 8
It would be very rude to not invite this person’s girlfriend. Geez. Imagine if that were you!
Post # 9
If they identify themselves as a couple, then they are a social unit- unfortunately etiquette says you should treat them as a social unit. The good news for you though: if your wedding is still that far away, you can avoid the drama llama of telling anyone she’s not invited, and cross your fingers that this guy wises up & pulls a ditch the witch before your invitations go out.
Post # 10
I would suggest that you follow the simple, traditional, etiquette rule of inviting (by name, not as a “plus one”) couples who are married or engaged or who are living together.
Given your situation of not even being able to invite some family members whom you would like to include, I would not feel at all compelled to include boyfriends and girlfriends of your single guests, even if those guests are members of your bridal party. Although it would be nice to be able to include them, it absolutely is not a breach of etiquette not to do so.
Post # 11
Invite her. If you don’t, I foresee another problem – the groomsmen might take offense and step down from being in your wedding party. Might ruin a friendship, too.
Post # 13
This sounds like a tricky situation! Most of our wedding party is single, and we have 7 bm and 7 gm…and we are planning a small wedding, so giving all of them +1 would add a lot to our guest list! I did read in a magazine that people are doing +1 on a case by case basis, such as married, engaged or dating over a year…we were thinking of doing this, but the BM and MOH are single and we want to give them a date, so we are trying to decide whether to do a rule that applies to everyone or just hope our friends understand. I hope you come to the best decision to make you both happy! It is your day, and although you may not see her much at your reception, I know I am an emotional person and having her there would create a conflict in me that I wouldn’t want to deal with.
Post # 14
Wow thank you all for the quick replies! I definitely appreciate it. This situation is very complex. My fiance’s parents told me today that she is absolutely not allowed. And yes, his friend is now threatening us that he’s going to drop out. HeLovesDogs, I am a very emotional person too! I would be uncomfortable sharing our vows and first dance with someone so mean. They’ve dated on and off for nearly 5 years. I guess that counts doesn’t it? They were off for MOST of that time. He’s a sucker because she has cheated on him, she doesn’t have a job (on purpose), and she may or may not have a drug problem. The drug problem is the main reason our parents don’t want her there.
One of my bridesmaids is married, but her husband is not coming (he want’s to “fight” more than one of the other attending guests). It was her idea that it would be better if he didn’t come.
I’m stressed because I don’t want my wedding to be filled with trashy people. I know that sounds mean, but I don’t want to be worried about fights or drugs on my special day. Now I’m realizing that I should’ve just not invited people to be in our wedding party that were associated with people we aren’t fond of.
I told the groomsman that if he wanted to drop out, no one would be mad. If the same thing happened to me, I would’ve dropped out to be with my fiance. It just says something to me that our parents don’t even want her there.
Post # 15
Also, we did offer him a +1..he has a brother his age. We just asked that he didn’t bring his girlfriend.
Post # 16
Honestly, I wouldn’t invite her. If your families don’t want her there, and you and your FI BOTH don’t want her there, then don’t invite her. I honestly can’t see shelling out the money for someone who isn’t supportive of you guys, I don’t care WHO they are. But that’s just me.
As for the groomsman, I’d be prepared to lose that friend if you don’t invite his gf however.
It’s really a lose/lose situation.