Should I ask all or none?

posted 3 years ago in Bridesmaids
  • poll: To ask, or not to ask?
    Ask C, R just needs to suck it up and act like a grown up. : (31 votes)
    91 %
    Don't ask any of them, otherwise there will be hurt feelings. : (3 votes)
    9 %
    Ask all of them and autofilter R's bitchy emails straight to spam. : (0 votes)
  • Post # 3
    42135 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    Given that you said you met these women in grad school, they are old enough to know that not everyone in your life is going to be asked to be a bridesmaid.

    I think you should ask C and be done with it. I don’t think it generally turns out well, when brides ask women with whom they already have issues.

    What’s the worst that can happen? R gets upset and  drops out of your life- oh well.

    Post # 4
    7039 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    Ask exactly who you want in your bridal party, so I voted C only. True friends realise that not everyone can be in the bridal party, and you can still be friends without being in the bridal party. C, N and R are not joined at the hip, they are not an all or nothing deal. Besides, you knew C the longest and N and R are more “C’s friends”, so it’s easy to justify that way.

    Post # 5
    1653 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2013

    As someone who endured a negative BM before, leave R out, for sure….. Not worth it    I agree with the above, only ask C.  

    Post # 6
    1036 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    Before i even read the whole story, i wanted to pass on something another bee said on a post of mine. I thought it was one of the best pieces of advice – so im giving it to anyone before they pick bridesmaids. 

    I had a really bad exerience with a friend of 25 years during my engagement – I won’t go into it, but the result is that she not only abandoned me, but all our friends and pretty much our entire family (we were cousins).

    Anyhow here is the piece of advice I wish i had known before i made that choice: Bridesmaids are not just a group of friends – they are the friends who will be there to support and defend your marriage and be the guardians of the union you are about to make no matter what the world throws at you. (Unless of course the spouse were to break that contract by cheating or abuse….then said friends feel free to beat his ass :-P)

    Seriously, though. I found that once i viewed it this way it made all the difference. I have many friends, a few close ones, but even fewer close ones that view love and my relationship with the same level of commitment and passion that i do. Whatever the definintion of that love is to you – pick people who will reflect that and stand by you even if the world tries to tear the two of you apart 15 years down the road. 

    Sorry for going too deep – haha. I’m just saying this after a lot of hurt that I hope no one else ever has to deal with! 

    Don’t worry about R and N – they are no good for you and NO good for your relationship. Ask C if she fits into the category i described. If not, stick to the other people you already said you had. 

    Good luck and congrats on your engagement!

    Post # 7
    478 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2013

    Oh my gosh just ask C, certainly do not ask R. And if I were you I’d think twice about even INVITING R.

    I had a bit of a bridesmaid dilemma too, and now I’m super glad I chose who I did, and that I didn’t also include a couple of others ( that I was originally thinking about including simply to avoid an awkard situation.)

    Post # 8
    2167 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: July 2014

    Forget about the negativity and choose exactly the people you want that will love and support you during this amazing time in your life.

    Post # 9
    873 posts
    Busy bee

    Why would you even consider making someone a bridesmaid that you can’t even be facebook friends with?

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