Post # 1
My BF of 8 years (we are both 25) has two awesome job opportunities in Nashville. It is very likely that he will be asked to move there in the next 1 month. We have already talked about me moving there once I am finished with my Master’s. Is it selfish/too pushy for me to ask him or expect for him to propose before he leaves?
He has told me that he wants me to just let him do it, but we have already gotten to get my finger sized. He tells me that he doesn’t know exactly when he will be proposing after he locks the job and moves etc. I have showed him countless rings that I think are pretty. He had even gone through a 5 day period where he wanted to propose sans job. It isn’t like marriage has not been on the table yet. I just feel like he should propose before he moves hours away. I can wait until he is settled in but I would rather not..
Thoughts? Similar experiences?
Post # 3
I think it will be more organic and better if you just let him do it in his own time. Clearly it’s on the forefront of his mind if you two have been talking about it, so I would say he’s headed in the right direction on his own. =)
Post # 4
I dunno. If I was in his position and trying to figure out a move and new job, I don’t think I’d want to also be trying to buy a ring and plan a proposal and think about a wedding. So if he doesn’t do it, don’t assume it’s because he doesn’t want to be engage eventually. It might just be difficult timing. But, if you want a committment, there’s no reason you couldn’t bring it up yourself!
Post # 5
I don’t think you need to ask him to do it before he leaves, necessarily. But I’d be hesitant to up and move over there with him without a commitment (or a firm timeline for one within a year).
Post # 6
I don’t understand the need for him to propose before he moves. However, I would like a proposal before moving myself.
Post # 7
I think it depends on your level of comfort with the situation.
Are you happy to move there to be with him without being engaged? If you move and can’t find work or aren’t near any friends or struggling to adjust to the move would you resent being there and being unengaged? If you stayed back and waited to be engaged before you moved would you be happy? Would he be happy?
I think you should talk it out with him. Figure out what’s most important to the two of you, try to find a solution/compromise together. Being married is full of these sort of situations(or so I hear as a fellow waiting bee), so take it as practice. Haha. And best wishes!!
Post # 8
In that situation, I wouldn’t really be willing to move without being engaged only because it sounds like he will be there for a little while when you are finishing school and that gives him plenty of time to ask before you would actually be moving down there. It would be nice if he did do it before he leaves, but he really needs to at the very least do it before YOU go down there with him.
Post # 9
I would absolutely NOT push for him to propose before HE leaves. However, I would not move to meet him without a solid commitment/proposal.
Post # 10
I’d talk about being engaged and what both of you want out of the relationship, but I don’t think you have the right to say, “Propose to me before you leave.”
Post # 11
@exoticchic: I would wait. If and when it was time for me to decide to move and follow him, I’d ask for more committment or at least a time table.
For now, wait it out.
Post # 12
I agree with those who say don’t push for a proposal before he leaves, but don’t move down there without a very firm commitment, however you choose to define that.
Technically, you’ve discussed marriage and are planning for it, which makes you engaged in the traditional sense, with or without a ring or official proposal. But if you want those things before you move to join him, you’ll need to communicate that to him.
Post # 13
- Wedding: August 2013 - Wynn Las Vegas
He has straight up told you that he wants to do it on his own time. He has taken you to look at rings and such, so it’s not as though he hasn’t hinted that he will do it eventually. I’d let it go for now.
Post # 14
I wouldn’t necessarily need him to propose before he leaves but I would absolutely want him to before moving to be with him. That’s the only way I’d move for someone. I refuse to uproot my whole life for just a boyfriend.
Post # 15
all I would say is “I am okay with waiting until you are settled, but it would mean a lot to me if we got engaged before you move”
then just leave it up to him. At the end of the day, you’ve been with the guy for 8 years and he clearly has the intent of marrying you. whether he has the ring on your finger or not, it won’t change your commitment to eachother.
Post # 16
UPDATE: Will not be asking for commitment before he moves as things are bound to get hectic with him searching for a place to live etc.
I will not be moving in July unless he gives me a proposal, however.