Should I ask for a commitment before he leaves?

posted 3 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
294 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I think it will be more organic and better if you just let him do it in his own time. Clearly it’s on the forefront of his mind if you two have been talking about it, so I would say he’s headed in the right direction on his own. =)

Post # 4
Member
9533 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

I dunno. If I was in his position and trying to figure out a move and new job, I don’t think I’d want to also be trying to buy a ring and plan a proposal and think about a wedding. So if he doesn’t do it, don’t assume it’s because he doesn’t want to be engage eventually. It might just be difficult timing. But, if you want a committment, there’s no reason you couldn’t bring it up yourself!

Post # 5
Member
1072 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

I don’t think you need to ask him to do it before he leaves, necessarily. But I’d be hesitant to up and move over there with him without a commitment (or a firm timeline for one within a year).

Post # 6
Member
6507 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

I don’t understand the need for him to propose before he moves. However, I would like a proposal before moving myself.

Post # 7
Member
592 posts
Busy bee

I think it depends on your level of comfort with the situation. 

Are you happy to move there to be with him without being engaged? If you move and can’t find work or aren’t near any friends or struggling to adjust to the move would you resent being there and being unengaged? If you stayed back and waited to be engaged before you moved would you be happy? Would he be happy? 

I think you should talk it out with him. Figure out what’s most important to the two of you, try to find a solution/compromise together. Being married is full of these sort of situations(or so I hear as a fellow waiting bee), so take it as practice. Haha. And best wishes!!

Post # 8
Member
294 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

In that situation, I wouldn’t really be willing to move without being engaged only because it sounds like he will be there for a little while when you are finishing school and that gives him plenty of time to ask before you would actually be moving down there. It would be nice if he did do it before he leaves, but he really needs to at the very least do it before YOU go down there with him.

Post # 9
Member
439 posts
Helper bee

I would absolutely NOT push for him to propose before HE leaves. However, I would not move to meet him without a solid commitment/proposal.

 

Post # 10
Member
8706 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

I’d talk about being engaged and what both of you want out of the relationship, but I don’t think you have the right to say, “Propose to me before you leave.”

Post # 11
Member
3735 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@exoticchic:  I would wait. If and when it was time for me to decide to move and follow him, I’d ask for more committment or at least a time table.

For now, wait it out.

Post # 12
Member
6891 posts
Busy Beekeeper

I agree with those who say don’t push for a proposal before he leaves, but don’t move down there without a very firm commitment, however you choose to define that.  

Technically, you’ve discussed marriage and are planning for it, which makes you engaged in the traditional sense, with or without a ring or official proposal. But if  you want those things before you move to join him, you’ll need to communicate that to him.

Post # 13
Member
2913 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Wynn Las Vegas

He has straight up told you that he wants to do it on his own time. He has taken you to look at rings and such, so it’s not as though he hasn’t hinted that he will do it eventually. I’d let it go for now.

Post # 14
Member
817 posts
Busy bee

I wouldn’t necessarily need him to propose before he leaves but I would absolutely want him to before moving to be with him.  That’s the only way I’d move for someone.  I refuse to uproot my whole life for just a boyfriend.

Post # 15
Member
1535 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

all I would say is “I am okay with waiting until you are settled, but it would mean a lot to me if we got engaged before you move”

then just leave it up to him. At the end of the day, you’ve been with the guy for 8 years and he clearly has the intent of marrying you. whether he has the ring on your finger or not, it won’t change your commitment to eachother.

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