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Ooh I don't know about that, tough one. Are they willing to shoulder all of the expense of the rehearsal dinner? Cos I'd imagine that'd be a good bit dearer than the flowers?
Personally, I don't see any ways you can achieve your goal without really upsetting them. If they are paying for the rehearsal dinner (which is traditional) then I would not even ask.
Hmm if your FI isn't on board it might be kind of hard to do. I'd see if you can convince him that you only need a few people at the RD since you're going to see everyone the next day (and I think they're suppose to be more intimate).
Then tell him how much you'd love to be able decorate well and maybe the money would be better used for your flowers instead of inviting everyone to two parties.
And then give him big sad eyes and say it would make you really really happy. :)
By asking this you are basically saying "I don't like the gift you are giving me, so please take it back, but give me the money"
I know all families are different, but I can't imagine a family where this would be OK.
How do your parents feel about you asking your inlaws to pay for part of the wedding?
I let my fiance ask his parents if they would pay for part of our wedding before I talked to my family, and it turns out my mother was mortified because she thought my future inlaws would this she was the one who needed the help and that she was unable to pay for a wedding, which isn't the case. we just wanted to break from tradition and not put the whole burden on her, but turns out she prefered it this way.
I would tell them thank you for their offer and stick to that. I know flowers seem more important than the rehearsal dinner - but if I was an out of town guest and I had the option of another free dinner or fancier flowers - I'd choose the dinner.
Crap! I knew it would be bad to ask! My parents are actually the ones that think my Future In Laws should pay for the wedding flowers b/c thats traditional, so they won't pay for that, meaning it would be me paying for it. I also just think its silly that they are planning on spending over 5,000 dollars on the rehearsal dinner when the wedding budget is only 15k! I don't want to offend them by saying I don't want there gift, so I probably won't say anything at all. But I just think its silly for them to spend so much money for something that doesn't need to be as extravagent and then us not have flowers.
@June- I totally agree with you on all accounts. Sorry you are footing your own flower bill. I had to cut my flower budget so small that we are basically just getting bouquets. It kinda sucks, but then my best friend reminded me that you don't need all those decorations because you are going to be so beautiful that no one will notice the missing flowers! =)
Ooh. The only possibility here, I think, is for him to pull the 'Awh, Mooooom' face, and tell her there's no need for them to go to such expense on the rehearsal dinner, that it doesn't need to be a big production.
If your date is still 12 months away, then if she agrees with him (plans will often get scaled down as reality bites anyway), he has time to maybe suggest you and her go look at flowers together.
Is this a matter of pride thing, where they want 'their' bit of the wedding to be as impressive as any other bit?
If there's no move on it then jsut suck it up, and look at being as creative as possible on the decor to stretch your budget as far as possible. At least you've plenty of time to save.
Do please try to keep in mind that even if it's not how you would choose, they are being extraordinarily generous. It would be worse if they were contributing to the wedding and trying to lay down the law about choices.
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As of right now my parents and I are the only ones paying for the wedding. My FH's family has said they want to have a huge rehersal dinner and invite pretty much everyone thats invited to the wedding. 99% of the people attending will be from out of town, so I think its great they want to invite everyone, but I also don't think its necessary. I would instead love for them to help with the flowers for the actual wedding and therefor have a much smaller rehearsal dinner. I've been told that its traditional for the grooms family to pay for the alcohol and flowers, they are strict southern baptists so I would never ask them to pay for alcohol, but I would like some help with the flowers b/c as of right now thats the only thing money-wise that I'm worried about. So is there a way I can bring this up? FH thinks its rude to ask. Is it? I don't want to upset anyone.