Post # 1
I found out today that my bridesmaid, my cousin, is pregnant with her second child. I am thrilled for her – but that means at my wedding she will have a 22-month-old and a new baby. She hasn’t told me she’s pregnant yet…. in fact, she’s kind of been avoiding me for the past little while, and now I know why. I feel like maybe it’s because she doesn’t think she can be a bridesmaid anymore? That, or she thinks I’ll be upset. Of course I want her in my wedding, however, I know how hard it is with a new baby and a toddler. My wedding is supposed to be 100% child-free as well. Should I give her an option to step down as a bridesmaid? Or is that rude? I don’t want to hurt her feelings or anything… I just feel like maybe the reason she hasn’t told me is because she doesn’t think she can do it anymore. Any ideas?
Post # 2
- Wedding: June 2014 - San Francisco, CA
She’d probably appreciate the option, as long as you’re gracious either way. Maybe she will still want to do it. Maybe not. Maybe she’s worried you’re going to make a lot of demands on her time, and she’s avoiding you because now she has another baby to think about. But if you sit down and have a sensitive heart-to-heart about it, you’ll probably both feel comfortable with whatever decision she makes.
Post # 3
When my cousin told me that she was pregnant, I gave her the option to opt out. I think she was stressed about fitting in her dress and the pregnancy. It ended up being for the best, because she was on bed rest by the time my wedding came around.
I would just wait until she says something to you about it and let her know that you understand if she wants to drop out. I wouldn’t make it about your child free wedding and more about you wanting her to be comfortable and not having to be stressed with the wedding.
Post # 4
Roxytiki: Let her come to you. If she feels she doesn’t want to deal with being a BM with her new fam, she will let you know! She might be looking forward to a night out, so I would not be jumping to conclusions just yet.
Post # 5
I definitely think you can approach it in a way that lets her know you’d still love her in your wedding but you’d be okay if she was feeling overwhelmed and needed an “out”. I just did the similar thing with a friend. She was still invited but I told her really, truly understand if she had other obligations. It’s all about the delivery.
Post # 6
- Wedding: November 2014 - 11/15/14-Vineyard
I would not stress about it. Your wedding is a whole year off and I’m sure by then she would want a night off kid free as well. If she did not want to be, she will say something. It’s a year away though so that is probably not even on her mind right now. She probably too busy being tired and morning sickness right now.
Just let it go, just call to congratulate her and say nothing of the wedding.