(Closed) Should I ask him this ?

posted 7 years ago in Waiting
  • poll: Should I ask him?
    yes, ask him anytime! : (4 votes)
    25 %
    wait and ask him closer to July : (2 votes)
    13 %
    no, don't say anything about and wait for him to say something : (8 votes)
    50 %
    other (please explain) : (2 votes)
    13 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    1325 posts
    Bumble bee

    *grabs the duct tape*

     I wouldn’t do it, unless it’s normal for you to inquire about his parents well being and you can do so without it being obvious. If your man is perceptive, though, he will see right through just about anything you say.

    If there is a way you can bring it up without sending off his mental alarms perhaps inquiring about their activities would work. Something along the lines of “How are your parents enjoying their travels?”  Maybe you could mention how you can’t wait to see pictures. I’m not sure what would be natural conversation for the two of you.

    Post # 5
    Member
    1325 posts
    Bumble bee

    @Shirinjoon: Ohhhhhh. Hmmm I see.

    Welllll……honestly if you say anything he will probably see right through you. Especially since he knows the direct connection to his parents coming here and your engagement. He will immediately connect the dots if you mention his parents. If you are ok with this, then ask. It’s not like it’s a bad question, but it might not be…helpful to the situation.

    I personally wouldn’t mention it. Sorry.  🙁

    Post # 7
    Member
    1325 posts
    Bumble bee

    *crosses finger*

    At least either way you will know pretty shortly. *tries to offer some pseudo comfort*

    Post # 8
    Member
    3302 posts
    Sugar bee

    no I am sorry- I can not support you in asking this. In all honestly- he knows that July is the deadline (?) so you really just need to see what he has planned. Do you think you will extend the timeline as he is making some progress?

    Post # 9
    Member
    2523 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: December 2012

    I wouldn’t do it. Anything even close to the engagement deadline…it’s too risky! >.<
    I know I would have a really hard time mentioning it without mentioning an engagement…and if the engagement is connected to them meeting…no way.

    I want to talk about my engagement so bad it almost hurts! But I know I gotta be quiet…talking about it may delay it further! 🙁

    Post # 11
    Member
    3461 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    If he’s perceptive, he’ll see through any questions you ask, even if casually phrased.  But, that may be ok.  For example, I think it’s reasonable to get off a phone call from your parents in early June and say, “My parents are trying to keep July free to meet your parents, but they do have some unavoidable commitments.  Would you like me to get their full schedule for you or would you like to talk directly with them yourself to plan it?  If you know which weekend it might be, that would helpful for my parents.”  That reminds him there are multiple parties he needs to be sensitive about.  (I don’t know about you, but my parents have fairly busy schedules – one month isn’t even enough advance time for them really if it’s something super important, at that point most things are already booked in so there are free days in the month left, but many days busy that can’t be changed.)

    Post # 12
    Member
    68 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    ok so perhaps I am alone here…but if this man is presumably going to be your future husband, why can’t you ask him about his parents?  I understand not wanting to be a naggy broken record re: engagement and that there are issues btw you and his parents, however what precedent are you setting within yourself by second guessing asking him a simple question? Are you going to have a lifetime of second-guessing everything you say as to not have it misconstrued? Are you going to have to rely on a message board for advice everytime an issue comes up that could potentially be touchy?  Ask him.  It is one question.  If one question is going to make or break his decision re: wanting to propose to you this summer…why would you want to spend the rest of your life w/him anyway?

    Post # 13
    Member
    3461 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    @LindaD76: In her earlier posts (weeks back) she said that she was trying to keep a zipped lip for a variety of lengthy reasons that generally boil down to having promised to her SO that she’d drop the subject and let him do his thing.  So there’s nothing wrong with speaking with the future husband at all, I usually advise it, but in this particular situation, I might advise differently based on additional details that aren’t provided in her original post.

    Post # 14
    Member
    6661 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: May 2010

    I think it’s okay to confirm with your SO that the meeting will happen in July, and at that point you can ask for more info about when his parents will be back in the US. I don’t think the topic should be off limits, you’re allowed to talk about it because you actually have to coordinate with your parents too and they need some notice to prepare.

    You can say somehting like “I want to make sure July is good for your parents before I tell my parents about the meeting. Do you know if they will definitely be back in the US by then?” Say you don’t want to bring it up with your parents who will be super excited and asking about it constantly until you know for sure it’s going to hhappen.

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