Post # 1
I’m a regular bee but I have gone anonymous because I don’t want anyone to be hurt by the content of my post should they find it.
When I got engaged I asked one of my school friends to be a BM. I always thought I would ask this friend to be a BM if I were to get married. We were close in school but lost contact for a few years and then re-connected recently. We’re both in our early 30s.
She got married last year but I was only invited to the evening reception. It never bothered me until she showed me photos of her ceremony. After that I thought “why do I have to look at photos? Why wasn’t I invited?”
Why have I asked her to be a bridesmaid at my wedding when I wasn’t important enough to attend her ceremony as a guest? (She has many sisters so I never expected to be a BM but it would’ve been nice to be a guest).
She is due to give birth to her first child a few months before my wedding so I was thinking about asking her to step down if the pressure is too much. That’s one of the reasons…the other reason is that I keep mulling over why I wasn’t invited to her ceremony.
I would love some advice. Would you be offended if you were me? Am I over thinking all of this?
Thanks everyone 🙂
Post # 3
If you asked her initially, I think it’s impolite to ask her to step down because you’ve started stewing over the ceremony thing (though that is very strange- was there a limited number of spots there or something??) I was debating whether or not to have my older sister (who was my MOH) step down because she had/has a lot going on with her impending divorce/she’s gotten super nasty to my family but she texted me about a refund for her dress before I had the chance to make a decision. If your BM will be overwhelmed because of her pregnancy, I’m sure she’ll let you know- You could mention that if it is too much for her you won’t be hurt but other than that I would not personally ask her to step down, as it could seriously impact the future of your friendship. Good luck!
Post # 4
Asking her to step down because you are upset you weren’t invited to the ceremony is very rude. Just let her know that if it gets too much with the wedding and the pregnancy you will understand if she decides to step down. BUT do not ask her to step down, let her make the decision.
Post # 5
Thanks Ms Sugarsnap 🙂
I wouldn’t ask her to step down but I would say she doesn’t have to be a BM if it is too stressful for her with the new baby coming.
I assumed I wasn’t invited because she was just having a family gathering for her ceremony but from the photos I saw she had invited some friends. This made me think of why I wasn’t invited and I felt slightly hurt by it. Her wedding was 18 months ago so I feel petty bringing it up and I would never do it now anyway because I understand that she has a challenging time ahead with her first baby.
Having said all of that…it still bugs me!
Post # 6
That’s what I was planning to do…let her make the decision. I would never force her to step down because I know that’s not right.
Post # 7
So your sister is not your MOH anymore then, Ms Sugarsnap?
Will that affect your relationship going forward?
Post # 8
Correct- right now my sister and I don’t have a relationship :-/ A lot of non-wedding related insanity went on the past few months and she’s basically lost her mind so my wedding and our relationship is beyond the lowest of her priorities. She still lets me see my niece and nephews so I’m content but bummed she is crazy. Hoping she’ll figure herself out by May as I haven’t done anything with her dress and she is still listed on my wedding website as a bridesmaid. We’ll see. If not, she’ll regret it the rest of her life- I’ll be sad but won’t let her ruin my day.
Post # 9
This is just my opinion so take it with a grain of salt. I think too many people are using weddings as some kind of barometer of love, friendship, sisterhood, etc. People are losing best friends because they’re not meeting their standards of excitement, even for weddings 2 or 3 years out. People are falling out with their sisters because they won’t attend every single wedding event, in every state. People are writing off family because they gave one gift but it should have been 3 or 4 gifts. I think we’re losing perspective.
You said that you lost touch and just got back together recently. I’m guessing they wanted a small, intimate ceremony with just their nearest and dearest. You might not have been a nearest at that point but you may be now. Friendships expand and contract over the years – sometime you’re close as sisters, other times you’re close as work colleagues.
Your friend wanted you with her to celebrate your marriage, which you did. I would be glad I was there for her then and that she’s there for me now.