Post # 1
I was on the Bee back in 2010 when I was planning my wedding. I dropped off the radar since then… but still happily married to my amazing husband two years later
I’m coming back to ask for an opinion on a potentially awkward situation that’s been stewing in my brain for months. I am good friends with two sisters (I’ll call them A and B). They are close in age, about a year apart.
The older sister (A) got married about six months ago and the younger sister (B) is getting married in approximately 4 months. I was a bridesmaid in A’s wedding. She was on a budget, which is totally understandable. But there were a few things that happened that made me uncomfortable. The wedding was at 3:30, reception started at 5:30. It was a heavy appetizer reception. This was not on the invitation and I (as the bridesmaid) didn’t even know until we got there. The venue was pretty and I can pretty much guarantee that’s where most of the budget went.
They purchased 3 appetizers per person as the entire dinner. And cupcakes as desert. I didn’t get any. My husband was able to get 1 single meatball. But no cupcake. We weren’t together most of the night because I was doing bridesmaid duties. But he said once people started realizing there was not any food there was a stampede and the food was gone in about five minutes. The caterer was embarrassed and said the bride told them there would be about 50 less guests. Plus, there was only enough seating for about ½ the guests. You know, so people will “mingle.” Picture grandparent type people standing. I pulled my chair from the head table and gave it to an elderly man. It was awful. My husband was giving me gum and I was feeling half sick with a headache from no food all day. I left around 7, and most of the guests were already gone. There were a few other things, but you can probably get the idea. It was a bust. I’m sure the only reason there was no negative feedback was because the guests were gracious.
Anyway, it ended and I put it behind me. But now younger sister is getting married and planning to do a similar thing. I’m not a bridesmaid. My husband is refusing to attend. He’s a surgery resident and his free time is extremely limited. I can eat beforehand, that is not an issue. The same caterer did refuse to work on the new wedding without an true head count. But it was embarrassing to be at an event where I feel like so little consideration is given to the guests. I did suggest the younger sister put appetizers only on the invite but she said the invitations are already printed. Should I just go alone and say my husband had to work (totally believable) or decline? These girls are my friends, but the last wedding was horrible. And based on the limited info I received from younger sister, it’s looking like this will be a similar. I’m not looking forward to it at all. Thanks, Bees, I know I can trust your honesty if you think I’m overreacting.
Post # 3
I dont think you should skip it completely, I wouldnt make your DH go though.
Its not your wedding, you know there will not be much food, and this time you are not in the wedding party. I would go, and try to make the best of it, because wether you go or not the other guests will still be there, not enjoying themselves with your there or not. So you might as well be there to support your friend.
Also, if she was my good friend I qwould 100% bring up the food issue.
Post # 4
@mrsbree: You need to decide how close of friends you are. I’m assuming it’s in town since you haven’t mentioned travel. You shouldn’t attend weddings just because of the food…you go to celebrate their marriage. I think you now are just a little more prepared! You won’t have the responsibilities so you and DH would be able to leave early if necessary.
Post # 5
Ugh. Just reading the description made me squrim with embarassment. I would be so humiliated if I invited guests to something and there wasn’t enough food. I understand what it means to be on a budget – FI and I aren’t loaded – but food is definitely not something I would scrimp on to save money.
I would not go. It’s not just about me – I could eat beforehand to save myself – but I just would not want to spend several hours watching other people be made so uncomfortable. Sorry, but I just can’t imagine having a friend that would treat her guests so badly.
Post # 6
I would go, but I don’t think you need to bring your DH. You’re not a BM, so you can eat beforehand and leave if you get too hungry.
Post # 7
If it’s in town, go to the event and either eat beforehand or directly afterwards. Don’t make your husband go, though!
Post # 8
@mepayne: I agree with this. If someone is truly your “friend,” then you should go. I wouldnt force my husband to go. I think they just dont plan well nor do they budget their money well but I see that often. I would go if it was my friend Unless I had to travel hours for it or pay for airfare or something.
Post # 9
You should both attend, for sure. A and B are not the same person! If I was B, I would hate to be pre-judged by my sister’s wedding. Plus you’re not a bridesmaid, so you have no responsibility and can always leave early.
Post # 10
I would go alone and eat beforehand. Just be there for your friend and try to enjoy the wedding.
Post # 11
Go to the ceremony (that’s the important part after all!) and make an appearance at the reception (be sure to bring a card/present so that they know that you were there) but leave early and head home to your husband.
Post # 12
If you don’t know for tsure that the little sister’s wedding will be just as bad, I recommend not punishing the little sister for the big sister’s bad decisions.
But if you do know, and it sounds like you have a pretty good idea so far, I’d make sure and have plans for that day. If you do go, I certainly wouldn’t purchase a lavish gift.
Post # 13
Crappy wedding or not, if you consider them good friends, I would absolutely go. I probably wouldn’t make my husband go though. I’d just go, mingle, do a few rounds, congratulate her, then leave.
Post # 14
yes go but eat before and bring a snack. dont make hubby go tho.
Post # 15
I’d go, and if I was super worried about starving to death I’d put a granola bar in my purse.