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@penguinslovecrumpets: This is ridiculous. I don't think you wrote one positive thing about this woman. Axe her from your wedding, and from your life.
Yeah this is pretty ridiculous. I woulnt' have her as a friend, let alone a bridesmaid. I can see accomodating a vegetarian meal option but going to all that extra expense and time is just not worth it. Tell her that you are relieving her of her duties because you didn't want to put her through the agony of compromising her morals for your wedidng day.
Yup. Tell her that you get the sense that this is really stressing her out, and that you think it would be better for her to attend as a special guest. Give her a reading or something if you must placate her, but her behavior is beyond inconsiderate and inappropriate, moving into Personality Disorder Land.
seriously...if I were you, I would be done with her at "color theme". It is not her wedding. She doesn't get to pick colors. With this much of demand, I seriously will axe her off from my life.
I don't think this girl cares of your wedding. Do yourself a favor and save yourself further troubles. If your wedding is in 2014, you still have plenty of time to re-plan back to your original plan.
Don't waste time on this girl.
@relaxedabout it: I Second that. (I actually AM having a pig roast) :)
Oh my goodness! PLEASE axe this person from your wedding. I totally respect her morals, but her job is to support you through one of the most stressful journeys in your life. She doesnt need to be this high maintenance !!! You should be making plans to suit and please you, and she shouldnt be making you feel guilty for wanting what you do. I agree with the girls, find her a job in a different department, tell her that her position has been downsized, or that your wedding is moving in a different direction. Whatever you do, get this dramatic whirlwind out of your bridal party and employ someone new!!
Um, I would tell her that you will respect her wishes but either a) she can do the research involved to find providers that suit her or b) she can hire her own people/do her own thing at her own expense. This all sounds a bit ridiculous to me, actually!
Be done with her! She's being completely unreasonable. Sounds like you have bent over backwards and she refuses to participate in anything.
You'll enjoy your wedding much more if you get rid of her!
I think having your sisters in your wedding instead would be a lovely idea. I'm a vegetarian, and one of the things that pi$$es me off the most about fellow veggies is when they go extreme, trying to force their believes on other people. It's your day, your colors, etc., she needs to just zip it.
@Cornflakegirl: "This is ridiculous. I don't think you wrote one positive thing about this woman. Axe her from your wedding, and from your life."
Well, my work here is done *brushes hands together*. Exactly what she said!
Hmm...I'm going to have to disagree with everyone. While I think she's being a ridiculous with some of her demands and acting all high and mighty, I really don't think you should kick her out. Kicking someone out of your bridal party is a friendship ending move so unless you just don't want to be friends with her any more, don't do it. And I honestly don't think she should have to compromise on her morals for your wedding - though I will say she's being very rude about it.
She shouldn't demand a custom designed dress (unless she is truely truely uncomfortable in everything you picked out but I seriously doubt that). So I think you either pick a dress within her budget and tell her when to order by or give her some contstraints (color, length, fabric) and let her pick her own. If she doesn't get a dress, she's removed herself from the bridal party. Make a decision and stand firm.
That's really weird that she won't eat a vegetarian meal provided, but I would still provide one anyway just in case she does get hungry. I know it sucks and super annoying, but I don't think it's a hill to die on.
If she doesn't want to go to the spa, then she doesn't have to go. Don't pay for her to go and sit and read a book. It was very rude of her to suggest that. Just tell her that you understand she doesn't want the treatments and that she'll be missed.
It's also really strange that she won't let you pay to get her make-up done professionally with the make-up she already uses. What is the reason for her wanting to do her own? Maybe you could explain that you wanted a matching look (and since you're paying that's perfectly acceptable) and point out that you went through a lot of trouble to make sure that they use cruelty-free products. If she still wants to do her own, then I'd say take the high road and let her. Once again, it's super annoying, but I think her comfort should trump your wedding vision.
That comment about your wedding ring was extremely rude and very prenentious. I would be seriously offended and would probably tell her so.
Anyway, I hope venting has helped. Good luck.
thank you for all the replies i feel i cant keep her on as a bridesmaid, RunsWithBears i took your advice first as i didnt want to ruin our friendship, talked to her about the expenses i have paid to try comply with her very strict morals and that maybe she could help finance all the extras she is wanting, she wasnt happy about that. then when i said she would be missed from the spa weekend but could join in the night out when we get back. i was told i was being a bridezilla and selfish because she wanted to go to the spa just not do anything and that she wasnt attending the night out because she couldnt drink the alcohol because its not vegitarian! i feel like i've tried and that she has some serious eating issues that seem to take over her life.
my wedding is on september 16th this year, i dont need this kind of stress, so am going to ask her to step down because i can accomadate all her needs and not compramise her morals.
(also we're having a roast dinner that she didnt approve of because she would have to smell it!)
x
she called you a bridezilla because you wouldn't pay for her high demands? i am glad you decided to kick her out, she is making the wedding about her, not you and shouldn't be in the bridal party
I am vegetarian, have never touched meat in my love... I've even been vegan, but oh my god that girl is crazy!
Her requests have absolutely nothing to do with her needs, she is being an absolutely intolerable drama queen. You are being as accomodating as you possibly can, don't feel guilty at all for no longer wanting her to be a part of your wedding. She is not being a friend. At all.
Reasonable compromises are things like... My MOH has really red cheeks, so I couldn't have red bridesmaid dresses. I love her so much I was more than happy to pick pink instead. Not, she refuses to eat, participate in anything, get her make up done!
@penguinslovecrumpets: She obviously has no respect for you, so why should you worry about hurting her feelings. Dump her and get someone in the position who isn't constantly trying to piss on your parade. So over drama queens!
@Cariad: I totally agree.
One of my two MOH's was a total egotistical drama-queen and my only regret after the wedding was that I chose her as one of my MOHs.
Gone-ski.
I axed one of my MOH's (I had two) because of less! I didnt want her to do anymore!
thanks ladies
she had me thinking in a warped twisted way that i was treating her unfair and not being understanding enough but even FI has said that she is causing too much stress for no reason, she had an answer for everything. she will be attending as a guest (and propably wont eat or drink anything but it wont stress me out as much as if she was sat at the top table with me)
anyways glad thats settled can ask my younger sister to step in for me, she is much more into my wedding plans
thanks everyone xx
@penguinslovecrumpets: Good for you for standing up for yourself!
My best friend (who was also my MOH) is a vegan; it sounds like your bridesmaid is a Vegan also, because I'm a vegetarian and I can use whatever kind of makeup I want and eat a variety of animal by-products such as eggs and cheese. I know personally from being best friends with a Vegan, that they really do have a lot of restrictions when it comes to pretty much EVERYTHING and they can be very strong on their beliefs or feelings toward Veganism and animals. While I don't think it's fair to totally disregard all her morals, she should also be able to be accomodating to you and suck it up for the sake of your wedding.
I ordered a vegan meal for my MOH at our wedding and she never said one thing about it, she just ate whatever she was comfortable with on the day of the wedding. She did her own hair and makeup and never once made her lifestyle restrictions interfere with my wedding or my day. She found ways to work around things if she needed to and if there was anything she was uncomfortable with, I honestly didn't know about it because she never complained ONCE.
Your friend is not being accommodating in the slightest, but I wouldn't shut her out until you've maybe sat down and had a serious conversation with her about how you respect her lifestyle choices, but that she should also respect yours. If you can, take a few minutes to google all the things Vegans can and cannot eat, and research what they generally don't wear, or partake in etc. If she's a die hard Vegan like my friend, you will see that there truly are a lot of restrictions, and you can show her you are trying to understand her lifestyle. Hopefully you can reach some common ground, and if she isn't willing to budge, then it's her problem, not yours.
YAY!!! I am glad she is no longer in your bridal party!!! Good for you for standing up for your self!
Wow, I don't know how you've put up with her and even accommodated her in every situtaion! I would have gotten rid of her a loooooooong time ago! I commend you for being so nice!
Oh, thank goodness you kicked her out. That sounded like a complete nightmare! I mean ok I understand all of her vegan concerns, but asking you to change your color theme and custom make her dress and pay for her to just go to the spa and read is completely bonkers. She's personality disorder material...
I'm glad you're having a roast, and oh so sorry she will have to smell it... poor thing... lol
@penguinslovecrumpets: I just read your last response about what else she is demanding. I'm really glad you tried, but she is waaay out of line. Yes, she shouldn't have to compromise on her morals and you want to accomdate her as much as possibe, but there are limits and, IMO, there is no way she should demand all of that from you. If she is going to be that picky then she needs to learn that she's going to have to work with you, compromise (ie help pay for her some of her extra needs), and that she is going to miss out on things. For example, if I required special and more expensive make-up I would offer to split the difference between what I want and what you planned to pay for or just bring my own make-up. That seems like a reasonable thing to do. And honestly, if you can't afford the special dress or make-up then you can't afford it and she needs to understand that. You are not a bridezilla and from what you've posted it sounds like you have been more than accomadating.
The whole spa and bar thing is really baffeling. Why does she want to go? I can understand that she might feel left out if you all go to the spa without her and she really just wants to socialize. But she said she's just going to read a book - so it doesn't sound like she is going to socialize anyway. Are you staying overnight at the spa? Will you have a lot of down time to socialize? Would the treatments cost extra or are they included and are you paying for everything? I know you've already come to a decision on what you want to do with your BM, but I'm just curious as to why she wants to go to the spa and do nothing and expects you to pay for it. At first I thought it was because she wanted to socialize, but she doesn't want to go to the bar (there are vegeterain beers btw, I looked it up) - so I'm really not sure what she wants to do...
Anyway, I'm sorry this sucks so much. I probably still wouldn't kick her out - just make it clear what you are going to provide and if she doesn't like it then she can step down. And if you want to include your sister, go for it! Just have 2 BMs. =)
I know that there are a lot of people with special dietary needs, but this girl seems to be taking advantage. It sounds like she is using being vegetarian/vegan as a way to pull the focus onto herself throughout the wedding planning, and is giving other vegetarians/vegans a bad name.
Here we have a bride who has bent over backwards to accommodate her friend's diet, her dress and her makeup at her own expense. The response to all of this bride's efforts were not "Thank you for trying to work within a very small window of options that I've given you." The response was "You're selfish for not making your wedding and all of the planning about ME!"
This BM wants the bride thinking about her custom gown, what her makeup will look like on the day, what food she will not be consuming. Then to top it off she wants the bride to pay for her to attend a hen night where she won't be doing anything but making everyone else feel awkward and try to cater to her because "she must be so bored" and "Poor so-and-so won't have any fun."
Maybe I just know quieter vegetarians/vegans, but it sounds like the restrictions are her leverage for attention-seeking behaviors. I wouldn't be friends with a person who did things like this regardless of their diet, so I would have no problem cutting this chick loose.
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hi everyone! sorry this is a long rant!
i am having major problems with my bridesmaid, she is my best friend and i have known her since we were in primary school together. she is a strict vegetarian and completley driving me crazy.
she is refusing to wear a dress in the weddings colour theme so i have changed my colours to suit her, but she is demanding i have her dress specially made as she dosn't like any of the dresses we have seen. she is refusing to eat on the day of my wedding even though i have arranged for a vegetarian meal for her, she claims there is animal in pretty much all food so she is refusing on the off chance that the cook dosnt know what he is doing, i am still having to pay for her meal.
for my hen do i wanted to do a spa weekend in london, but she is refusing to have any treatments done as "she will not soak in dead animals", but says i can pay for her to stay in the spa and she will read a book.
On the day of the wedding she refuses to have her hair and makeup done by professionals because they may use products that contain animals or may not be cruelty free. i have even arranged to buy the products she uses at my expense to have the hairdressers and make up artists to use instead, she says she wants to do her own. im not trying to be mean but she does not have a clue how to apply her own makeup (orange foundations, black eyebrows). im just getting sick of her and really starting to wish i had asked my sisters to be bridesmaids instead.
she critisized my wedding ring for having diamonds - something about blood diamonds, and says things like "i have morals i wouldnt ask you to eat a baby!" What!?
i just dont know what to do im stressing more about the complications she is causing than anything of my own, and this is meant to be about my wedding.