(Closed) Should I be a bridesmaid or somehow gracefully decline?

posted 6 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
491 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

Wow, this all sounds so strange. The fact that her wedding is six weeks away and she has little to nothing planned is just plain weird, and something just seems SO off. My wedding is four weeks away and I have only small details left to finish.

I guess it depends. You’ve been friends with her for a long time, and if you have the date available and can afford being a bridesmaid, I’d do it. She obviously needs you right now. On the same token, I wouldn’t start doing all the planning for her because it is her wedding and not okay to pawn the stress off on you for whatever reason there may be. I guess if it were me I would stand up there and be her bridesmaid, but definitely wouldn’t become her “wedding planner” or do any of that sort of stuff.

This all just seems so fishy, I wouldn’t be surprised if the wedding miraculously gets called off after all the craziness and lack of planning that seems to be going on.

Post # 4
671 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I would decline to be in the wedding, obviously one of her bridesmaids quit last minute. I think she is using you just to do all her wedding planning and once the wedding is over she will go back to not talking to you. I really don’t feel like she is a true friend, it is up to you!

Post # 5
804 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

It sounds like the easiest thing to do is to go along to get along.

I would have a heart-to-heart with her about your feelings, though.  It sounds like something is going on with her…is her new Fiance making her behave this way?  It just sounds like she’s not acting like herself, and if that’s the case, I think you should try and figure out why.  The worst that can happen is she’ll get mad and ask you not to be in her wedding or be her friend, but she’s not being a good friend right now.

Post # 6
2105 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

It depends on your friendship with her, but I personally would decline.  Tell her you don’t have the funds, it’s too last minute, etc.  I’d also talk with her and let her know it feels like you were thrown into a Bridesmaid or Best Man position at the last second with no info, and it was hurtful, frustrating, and strange to be asked all of those questions at the shower without her preparing you with any of the answers.  She might be able to explain it all if you’re honest with her, or she might reveal that there’s something else going on… that another Bridesmaid or Best Man dropped out, she’s super scatterbrained, or lord knows what else.  I definitely wouldn’t be working my a$$ off to do all of the planning stuff for her when it was all dropped on you suddenly.  That’s what a wedding planner/coordinator is for!

Post # 7
3583 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Ouch…sounds like you’re playing second fiddle to someone who has no clue as to what she’s doing. I need to get something clarified though…when you say decorate for the wedding – you don’t mean she asked you to PAY for the decorations….right?

If the only cost is the dress (and it’s something you can totally wear again), I would say just go with the flow.  You would be doing her a huge service and getting karma points.  But my instincts say this girl is a wee bit on the nutty side and I would probaby just do the wedding and bolt. *shrug*

Post # 8
828 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Firstly, this is definitely an odd situation.  I would definitely meet with her and try to get more of the details and let her know that if you aren’t in the loop, you can’t be very effective and that you want to help but are feeling left out. If she doesn’t comearound then I would just let her know that you don’t feel right about being a bridesmaid under the circumstances.

I almost wonder if there isn’t something else going on with her? Perhaps a different reason for a rushed wedding?




Post # 9
2247 posts
Buzzing bee

This is so weird.  It sounds like, to me, that there was another Bridesmaid or Best Man and she is replacing her with you (why else would she just have a random dress lying around?).  I would decline.  I seriously think she is using you for help, and that isn’t right.

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