- 5 years ago
My bf and I moved in together in July. We have been together for more than two years, are saving for a downpayment on a house, talk about getting engaged in the next year, and see ourselves building a family together.
He is an engineer with no student loans. He found work only a few months after graduation. He owns the condo we now live in and had purchased it just before we met. I am a teacher. I had a year of school left when we met and had a hard time finding work after graduation. It took more than a year of working in retail until I found substitute work and have recently been offered a contract for full time teaching.
When we moved in, he offered me to pay only the amount of groceries we needed in lieu of paying half the bills so I can pay off my student loans faster. It is so generous of him and I am very grateful for this, honestly. Right now I have about $3000 in loans and $5000 in credit card debt that I am paying off. Our grocery bill that I’m paying is about $400-500 on average. At the rate I’m paying things off and with my new job, I expect to have my loans paid off by the end of April/May, and would start paying my half of the bills/rent.
With the regular bills including the mortgage, utilities, condo fees, etc. it adds up about $1500-1600 a month apx. $800 split.
Recently I was placing an order online for some supplies that I needed at school and my BF asked me to order a couple books that totaled to about $40. He also asked me to buy him some gloves at Costco for about $25. Usually I just let it slide and suck up the cost, even though until my new job, extra cash like that were really tight money wise. I’ve asked him about 2 or 3 times at the most for the payment of these items over the last month, as I feel like I’m not his mother and he can pay for the stuff he wants, especially if he makes +75,000 a year and I’ve only JUST started making more than $1000 a paycheque starting this month.
Well, last night I reminded him he still needed to pay me back when we were making a grocery list and I was budgeting for what we needed, and he said “don’t push it or I’ll make you pay half the rent”. I took this as a threat and was really upset by it. He has said something similar to this once or twice before but I think it upset me more this time. I asked him if this is what it will be like evertime we talk about money, and he said he lost his temper, but I don’t feel like what I said is something to warrant his saying that. I said that maybe this agreement is a big mistake and I’ll write him a cheque for half the rent/bills for February it would make him happy. He says he still wants me to focus on my loans and not to start paying him.
Sorry for the novel, but I am so confused. Am I over reacting? Irrational? Justified in how I feel? Should I just pay my ‘rent’ and move on from this agreement to avoid more arguements? Keep focusing on my loans?