Post # 1
My mother has become very difficult since I became engaged. She has offered to contribute absolutely nothing towards my wedding and is only becoming a headache to deal with.
When I first got engaged I wanted to go dress shopping I waited at home for 2 hours and realized I got stood up without so much as a phone call. She insisted on meeting my future in-laws who are lovely people. So we all went out for dinner, this spun into her email them and phoning them on a secretive and constant level. I asked her not to do it until I was married and she started to yell at me telling me how controlling I was.
Now my wedding seems to be revolving around what she thinks my in-laws want because she wants to impress them without contributing anything. She asked me when we were engaged if I was planning on having children and she said I shouldn’t because she thinks I wouldn’t be a good parent and she won’t watch it.
Dress shopping was probably the final straw. I finally got her to go dress shopping with me. There was a dress I immediately loved and it felt good in it. She really didn’t like it or anything else I tried on. We went for lunch and I bought of course. Then we returned to the salon she said “let me do all the talking” she then went on to tell the girl I hated the dress and we were leaving. I told the girl I loved the dress and wanted to try it on one more time. She then started talking to another mother daughter duo and she started picking out dresses for the other bride all of her attentions went there and I paid for my dress.
As for my wedding colours she has told me she will wear whatever she wants because she thinks my colours are disgusting and that purple is a colour for mentally ill people. We are getting married at the Wynn in Las Vegas because it is the most affordable place for everyone to travel too, with a lot of my fiance’s family being from out of town. She has advised me she is planning on getting married there to her common law partner the day before my wedding.
So, she can’t contribute to my wedding at all and has advised me it is rude to register since my wedding is out of town. She just paid for my brother’s flight to visit her, she’s paying for his accommodation and is giving him a new car. Like WTF? She has always paid for my brother’s visits and when I lived away she never once offered to fly me out. She also informed my brother about how hurt she was from dress shopping because she felt that I wanted her to pay for the dress and thats why she is mad at me right now. she never told me my brother was coming out either, she just informed me that since I no longer use my laptop that she was coming to get it for my brother. I told her I had personal information on there that I would need to transfer. That was not good enough for her and she got mad and hung up on me.
There has been other things and issues. Like, I’m not allowed to invite my aunt and uncle because she doesn’t like them and would be internally hurt… I would have to choose between having her and my brother there (she’s paying for my brother to go) and having my aunt and uncle. She’s unhappy with my brides maids. She’s informed me she’s expecting a bouquet and it better be nicer than my brides maids.
Anyone going through anything similar?
Post # 3
Wow… this must be so difficult for you. Has she always been this way towards you with other things?
Post # 4
I’m sorry that your mom is being so grumpy.
I would tell her flat out that you really need her to be more supportive and positive when it comes to wedding planning because you’re under a lot of stress.
Post # 5
Wowwww, i am soooo sorry, I would be so hurt if my mom was acting like that! It’s easy for me to say tell her if she wants to be in your life then she’s gotta start acting like it. But if it was my mom, i’m not going to lie, that would be hard to do.
Honestly, she has no say in your wedding, shes not helping and she’s trying to make it difficult for you, i don’t know why, maybe you do. As for your aunt and uncle, invite them and don’t tell her. Either way there was probably going to be an issue. Its your wedding, get the dress you want, have the bridesmaids you want, if she wants to act like a “jerk” then that’s her choice but try not to let it completely ruin your day. It sounds like you have nice in-laws so I hope they will be there for you 🙂 You can’t pick your parents, but its up to you how much negativity your going to want to deal with.
Post # 6
I’m sorry – it does suck. I’ve also got a momzilla, and she’s always leaned that way, but lately it’s been really, really bad.
All I can do is ignore the mean and include her in things as much as I can, knowing that in the end, our wedding will be awesome because it’s OUR wedding… anything else is just gravy.
Good luck. You aren’t the only one, I promise! It is absolutely ‘ok’ to be hurt by it.
Post # 7
I have been there so I so sympathize. My mom drove me crazy during my wedding planning process. I hosted a dinner for the parents to meet and let her pick the day and time even though the In-laws were driving 6hrs- she no called no showed. Her reason – she didn’t feel like meeting them that day.
She initially refused to let my sisters be in my wedding. The older of my two sisters said she was going to regardless. That caused a huge row in the family. I knew my mom would change her mind last minute and blame my then eleven year old sisters lack of involvement on me so I went ahead and bought her a dress, bra and shoes and kept my fingers crossed.
She had a fit because I chose to have my best friend since 1st grade be my Maid/Matron of Honor. She said it should be the older of two sisters. Funny because at same time she was forbidding her from even going. Also it was causing division between two sisters and both agreed it wouldn’t be fair to chose. Then she said my Maid/Matron of Honor was an imaginary person and didn’t exist so I would be Maid/Matron of Honor less and it would serve me right. Remember she is my best friend since first grade so she has spent how many countless hours at family functions? I think momzilla is a certifiable mental illness because my mom sure acted like a loon.
I think the worst was when she was looking for a dress for herslf. I made no demands on color but she first picked out a rhinestone encrusted bathing suit with a silk crinkle skirt to wear over it. (My wedding was a formal garden party.) My mom is not a small person by any means either! Then when I said absolutely no she said I was being unfair that she should buy something she would wear again. Who actually wears brown rhinestone encrusted bathing suits? Next she wanted a crinkle rayon sundress that looked surprisingly like a burlap sack. I finally got my Grandma and Aunt to talk to her. They threatened to disown her if she humilated them like that.
Girl you are so not alone- it would take me all day to tell you my momzilla stories. Hang in there. Ignore the snubs. Don’t let her see it get to you. Trust me that just encourages them. If you need to vent PM me any time. Don’t let her steal your joy.
Post # 8
Seriously. If your mother is refusing to act like an adult in this important part of your life then leave her out of it. Don’t invite her dress shopping, don’t allow her to have any say in your wedding period. If she asks why your being this way tell her if she can’t have the decency to chill out and let you plan YOUR freakin wedding day without insulting everything you have in mind, then she will be excluded from the whole process. I think in situations like this you need to stand your ground and stop letting her steal your whole wedding experience. This happens once in your lifetime and you should be enjoying this! By the way I’m really offended that your mother associates the color purple with “mental ill people”. What is wrong with mentally ill people and why are they the only ones who like the color purple? What an arrogant and ignorant thing to say and that has me heated. Good luck hun and don’t let your crazy mother get in the way of your happiness.
Post # 9
Sounds like your mom has some issues that aren’t necessarily about you and your wedding – ugh! The only good thing about your situation is that it makes me feel like mother is actually kind of reasonable!
Her whole position on your uncle and aunt sounds like emotional blackmail. If she isn’t paying for the wedding (clearly), then she doesn’t get a say in the guests. If she tries to make you do something (not invite people you love to your wedding, not get the wedding dress you liked, etc.), then she isn’t being the supportive person you need. Clearly, you’ve tried to be accomodating, but a line needs to be drawn, and your happiness on your wedding day is the important thing here. It sounds like she’s going to be mean, unsupportive and unaccomodating no matter what you choose to do, so how about going with the ‘just ignore it’ approach? Go ahead and do what YOU want. There will be snippy and passive aggressive comments and dramatic moments no matter what, so try to have fun and just expect her to be vocally negative. Hopefully she’ll pull through on the day (I’ve noticed that lots of spectators and a photographer often make people behave better in public!).
Post # 10
Thanks so much everyone!!!! I’m happy I’m not going through this alone. Thank you for all your wonderful input and feedback.
Post # 11
I understand this really sucks. At the same time, I feel compelled to ask a few things. I highly doubt that this behavior is entirely new, its more likely that this is the way she’s always been. I understand wanting to have a better relationship with your mother, abut at some point you need to accep that this is the way things are and work within that. It sounds like you really need to set some boundaries. You don’t have to include her in every one of these things, and it seems like you might do better to say something like “Mom, I want you to be there and I love you. But I am planning this wedding, and I’m going to do it the way FH and I want.”
At the same time, it sounds like you really resent the fact she’s not giving you money for this. I’m sorry, but that’s wrong. You’re grown up enough to get married, you need to respect that your parents can spend their own money however they choose. I can see being offended, but you need to move past that and accept that she is not obligated to help pay for your wedding. Additionally, there’s no reason to insist that your mother wear one of the colors of the wedding. She’s not a bridesmaid, she’s your mom. As long as she doesn’t show up in a white wedding dress, let it go. It really sounds like you have bigger fish to fry.
I’m sorry, I hope this doesn’t come accross as harsh, but I wish someone would have told me something like this years ago. Instead, it took me several years of really working, and ultimately ending a few familiar relationships to help me set healthy limits and not let my family walk all over me.
Post # 12
Recent Update 🙁
Parent’s and family not going to wedding 🙁
Post # 12
Recent Update 🙁
Parent’s and family not going to wedding 🙁
Post # 13
Sorry, to hear that your family aren’t coming. Still invite them though. Its Vegas and somehow, some way, everyone seems to make it. My Maid/Matron of Honor got married in Vegas and she had 5 extra guests show up. After ensuring the extra people were fed, she received a lovely dorm room style microwave from them. With the $20 price tag still on it. My MOH’s husband still hears about that one and they’ve been married.
In my case, I don’t get along w/ my father. Just don’t like him as a person but my mother wants him to attend so I will extend the invitation. He will most likely come and be his usual self, but I’m just going to ignore him and drink to my hearts content.
So invite your family and don’t include your Mom in any of the specifics. Just tell her that you want her to be an honored guest. And if she doesn’t show, she’ll regret it but your cleared of the responsibility.
Hang in there and use the boards to let our your frustrations as the time nears. That way you want get too stressed out by your family drama.
Post # 14
@Lululemon15: I’m so sorry…even though your mother’s certifiably insane, I imagine it must still hurt anyway that she is choosing to put her crazyness above her daughter’s marriage.
Post # 15
I agree that you are not alone in your Momzilla frenzy! My mom is a total nightmare as well. In fact….I just blocked her number from being able to get through to me due to many fam issues that include her demanding wedding planning follow her ideas without paying for a thing and disinviting my aunt and uncle (who I adore!). At some point, you just have to do what you need to do to make sure you stay happy, healthy, and sane! I lean on my future spouse for support!