- 3 years ago
Hi ladies 🙂
I love this Board and wanted to share a situation with you in hopes of getting advice! My wedding is September 27. I’m having issue with my future mother-in-law and her controlling of things, and it’s starting to cause me and my fiance unnecessary stress! 🙁
Here’s the situation. We are having a relatively small wedding (65 guests). My mother and I are paying for 95% of the wedding. Lately, my future mother-in-law has been making decisions and doing things without our consent related to the wedding. For example – we gave her a list of 20 people that she could invite – we thought that was fair as the wedding is not cheap ($50+ pp), and my mother and I are paying for it. She cannot help out financially as she is currently not working. Everything was fine up until this week.
First of all – a lot of the guests she invited are not close family. They are people that myself and my fiance barely know/have never met. Not surprisingly, most of the guests she invited declined the RSVP (likely because they felt the same as we do – we don’t know these people!!). Last week the final numbers were due to the place where we are getting married. We gave them the final numbers and explained to the mother-in-law that if she would like to invite any others, then they can come after the dinner to the dance only. Well… just last night she phoned and wanted to add 6 more people to the dinner. We have already printed the table setting, and these people were not on the list. I explained to her that these people can come after dinner and she proceeded to tell me that it’s very important that they come and she already told them they are coming (omg! we didn’t even send them an invite and they were not on the original list).
My mother and I wanted her to be a part of things so we allowed her to rent the table centerpieces, and the limosine. The two things that we allowed her to take part in have completely screwed up. She ordered the wrong amount of centerpieces. She did not schedule the limosine properly and the schedule is now screwed up and apparently it’s final. This has also upset me because we gave her very clear instructions.
We have also put her in charge of setting up the music (she plays in a band). She then tells us that she feels too nervous to play music infront of my family, so we should rent a DJ instead (keep in mind this is TWO WEEKS before the wedding). So now we are without music. This was something she told us she would do over a year ago when we first got engaged. That was the one thing we weren’t supposed to worry about 🙁
Another thing… we are not having a wedding party. It is just myself and my SO together – we are having a sweetheart table. When we went to rent his tuxedo, his mother told us that she would also rent the exact same tuxedo for his step-father and his brother. We explained that this is not a wedding party and therefore perhaps they can rent a different suit. Well, she still rented the same exact suit for them ALONG with the same colored tie. WE ARE NOT A WEDDING PARTY!!
I’m not sure if I am being out of control but this has really upset me. She is causing me stress 2 weeks before the wedding. She can’t seem to understand that this is OUR DAY and that we make the decisions. She then causes guilt trips to us and tells us she feels very uninvolved and not a part of our big day. It’s not that we don’t want her a part of it, we just have our own vision. I’m really not sure how to handle this situation. I feel like I am about to blow up and cause some bad feelings between families, and this is not what I want. In her defense, she is getting older and in recent years she seems to be “losing” it a bit… not trying to be mean but it’s what I am noticing.
Anyway… just wanted to vent and also get advice. Have you ever had experiences like this… am I over-reacting?? How should I approach her?? We have two weeks to now finalize issues that should have been figured out long ago. UGH! 🙁