(Closed) Should I Be Mad

posted 10 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
71 posts
Worker bee

that’s awful. a similar thing happened to me too. i wouldn’t say anything at all cuz it really won’t change anything other than your friendship.. for the worse. maybe they had a really good reason why they set it so close to yours? i know it’s really upsetting and you’re POed, but i wouldn’t say anything cuz it’ll just end up hurting people’s feelings. yours and theirs. i just had to suck it up. since it’s 2 weeks, will they at least make it to your wedding? if they miss it, that’s another story.

Post # 4
208 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2008

There are a LOT of factors that go into selecting wedding dates, and I would assume that she did not do it to offend you. It’s understandable to feel swept aside, but feel it and move on. Sigh, have your pout, and let it go.

Post # 5
471 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2008


I know it’s frustrating because it feels like you got engaged first and it would only make sense for you to be married first but I don’t understand why this is anything to be upset about as far as your friends being inconsiderate.

I don’t see this as being inconsiderate..In fact, I don’t understand why it would be inconsiderate? (Could you please elaborate or tell me more about how you feel?) When a couple gets engaged, they are free to choose any date they come to agreement on. That day may have a significant meaning or just make sense for their guests as far as travel arrangements and plans. It’s not a race to the altar and to say, "I do".

To me, this is a really small matter but I understand to each bride their own. Don’t dwell on this too much.. There is much planning to do!



Post # 6
273 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2008

I agree with Peachypear.  I also think a wedding is about celebrating the love between two people and is not a competition of who does it better/sooner.  Many times depending on the venue, it may very well have been the only date available, so don’t get too mad/upset over it.  There are better things to do with your time than worry about the fact that "so and so are getting married on this day and I bet you we can do it better!"  Be happy, be merry, and be grateful you have found the person you want to spend the rest of your life with!

Post # 7
2293 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2008

<font face=”Times New Roman” size=”3″>I suppose it depends on why they set it for two weeks before you.  One of my good friends, who got engaged three months after I did, also set her wedding for two weeks before mine (it was this last weekend).  However, her husband is being deployed to Iraq, and may leave anytime after the first of July.  </font>

<font face=”Times New Roman” size=”3″>I don’t think that most people generally set their wedding dates with the idea of pre-empting somebody else – I think that it probably has more to do with what dates are good for their family, when the venue they like is available, and what is going on in their lives.  I know those are the only things that we considered.  I knew that friends had other things going on (weddings, annual holiday parties, etc) the same month, and my only consideration for all those things was not to pick the exact same day, so that hopefully nobody would have to choose between our wedding and somebody else’s event.</font>

<font face=”Times New Roman” size=”3″>Scheduleing an event as big as a wedding is always difficult.  I would bet that if you talk to your friend, you will find that her reasons had very little to do with your date – except for maybe the desire not to schedule the same date.</font>

Post # 8
596 posts
Busy bee

if she’s a best friend to both of you, then i’m assuming she didn’t do it on purpose to spite either one of you.  she probably had her reasons for choosing her date and didn’t think that you would mind.  i don’t know if it would help for you to talk to her…would you ask her to change her date?  explain her reasoning behind choosing a date?  just vent and then get over it?  think about what you actually want from her before you confront her. 

Post # 9
170 posts
Blushing bee

This seems like a fun thing… now you will have a planning buddy and as long as you have different tatstes and select different venues there will be no need to compare the two events at all. Plus hopefully she will be back in time for your wedding.  A word of caution, if you suspect she is the type of person to "borrow" your ideas don’t share your unique wedding decisions.

Post # 10
67 posts
Worker bee

I understand that you are hurt, but think about it another way. You will have been engaged for about 18 months by the time you get married. (Nothing wrong with that!) Does that mean that no one in your circle can get married in that time period? It’s silly, really! One of my cousins just announced he’s getting married (psst…shotgun wedding) and the ceremony will be way before mine. I don’t care at all, because everyone has their own reasons for setting dates.

The only time when it would be difficult is if there were two weddings in the same family in a short time period, but that’s not the case here.

Post # 11
35 posts

no, you shouldn’t be mad.

Post # 12
56 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

you shouldn’t be mad. i know of 4 (yes FOUR) couples (family and friends) who got engaged AFTER us, and all will be married before us. sometimes these things happen and i dont let them get to me. our day will be completely different and i am happy that i have plenty of time to plan. the other brides on the other hand, have less time. thats one positive way to think of it!

Post # 13
2373 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2008

I’m a person who is having my wedding prior to a friends. 

    My friend got engaged probably a year before me, due to financial reasons they have yet to set a date.  When I told her I was engaged… I knew she was happy, but I feel like she’s a little upset my wedding is first and I don’t have the financial constraints.  We planned our wedding because the date had a lot of meaning to us, and due to the fact we both are soon to be officers in the air force- we couldn’t really wait another 2 years.  


    Take it from me, she probably didn’t do it to upset you and she’s most likely slightly stressed about it (i know i am).  


  Like others have said, I would put a positive twist on it.  You two can wedding plan together… I think that would be so much fun.  Good luck 

Post # 14
16 posts
  • Wedding: March 2009

I would be really really mad. My Bridesmaid or Best Man got pregnant and is due 2 months before my wedding.  She lives on the other side of the country so she cant come to any of the showers etc. But then when I asked her if she would bring the baby with her or come alone to the wedding, she said she didnt know if she would want to travel after she had the baby. Well, this might "fly" if this was her first, but its her third. Shes also marrying the guy in 3 weeks and just told me last week. She expected me to be there, but how can I? So shes mad that I cant take off work and just fly over there and be with her.

Im feeling you, Claire. 

You should say something for all of us out here who would never open their mouths.

Post # 15
102 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2008

My husband’s (eek! I have a husband!) best friend got engaged 2 months after us, but got married the week before we did.  I had sort of felt a little… put , but it ended up being really wonderful (except that the weekend prior to our wedding was shot…).  My husband was his friend’s best man, and then he was our best man.  It was a wonderful experience sharing the beginnings of marriage with them.

I’m sure they planned it for what was best for them and their families (and how long they could stand to wait before getting married!).  Several of my friends got engaged after me and married before me. 

Ultimately, it’s not important who gets married first.  Try and keep your priorities straight from the beginning and the lesser things will bother you less as time goes on.  Just remember, their wedding should be a time to celebrate, too! As a bonus, you’ll get a break from planning your own wedding!

She’s your best friend.  Be happy.  Enjoy engagement with her!

Post # 16
5 posts
  • Wedding: January 2009

I know the correct answer is ‘of course you shouldn’t be mad’ but I know how you feel! I have to admit that I wasn’t excited at all when a similar situation happened between my friend and me. I just had this initial rush of outrage that she would get engaged after me and then married before me! 🙂 After a while, I finally realized that it’s okay – it just really doesn’t matter. I’ll admit though, it took a while before I got to that point! Looking back, I don’t know why on earth I was so upset or why I couldn’t be happy that she is marrying the man of her dreams just like I am, but with lots of time it became a non-issue and I was actually able to be genuinely happy for her!! 🙂 Hope your situation also ends happily!

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