Should I be Offended? Because I am lol

posted 3 years ago in The Lounge
  • poll: What do you think?
    Deliberate snuff, prepare for a lifetime of it : (42 votes)
    13 %
    There must be another reason (please explain) : (60 votes)
    18 %
    I wouldn't be offended : (110 votes)
    33 %
    I would say something to my FI : (71 votes)
    21 %
    I wouldn't say anything to my FI : (51 votes)
    15 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    4441 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: January 2013 - Harbourfront Grand Hall

    @QuirkySocialite:  I would probably be pissed too, but I’m sensitive to thinking my SIL hates me.  Don’t they know there will be plenty of family pics at the wedding?!

    Post # 4
    Member
    1362 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2014 - Turf Valley

    I don’t know the dynamics between you and the sister, but I don’t get the feeling that it’s a deliberate snuff.  It could just be that the sister decided this would be a great Christmas to do it (maybe it is directly related to her having a baby before Christmas), and she didn’t know until after the decision that you wouldn’t even be there.  I don’t think you should b e upset or offended.  There will be plenty more opportunities for you to be included. 🙂

    Post # 5
    Member
    4440 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    @QuirkySocialite:  You aren’t married yet, so I could see that as being a reason? I’m just throwing out an idea…?

    Post # 6
    Member
    744 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    @QuirkySocialite:  She could possibly be wanting to snub you but I think she probably was motivated to take the pictures since it will be her baby’s first Christmas.

    Post # 7
    Member
    931 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    I think they want the picture with the new baby.  The baby is offically part of the family.  In my family we would always take pictures with and without the Girlfriends/fiances because they aren’t officially part of the family.  

    I doubt it has anything to do with you, more in celebrating the newest family member.  There will be more family pictures at your wedding.

    Post # 8
    Member
    518 posts
    Busy bee

    I actually would think it had nothing to do with you and everything to do with the new baby.

    Post # 9
    Member
    657 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2013

    In my family we don’t take pics either of FI’s or BF’s/GF’s, not until they are actually married into the family.

    Post # 10
    Member
    1343 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    I’m not really sure that it is totally personal. No matter what degree they have or how smart you might think someone is, they can still overlook things. Maybe she’s just excited about getting pictures with her new baby. It makes sense to me that they wouldn’t get the portraits done with you while you are just their girlfriend, or even just fiance because if something where to go wrong in the relationship (no matter how stable you are) then their mothers portraits might be awkward… (I understand there is divorce but some people just don’t see engaged couples as even that serious which is frustrating)

    Having said that, I can completely understand why you feel silghted. You are about to be part of their family, their sister, aunt, daughter, etc as well. And if her husband is in there, well you have every right as well. They’re probably not seeing it that way. 

    I know during my rehearsal dinner DH’s family was up taking pictures all together even with the wives and my husband. I wasn’t invited to join them. So I just watched them all take pictures while I sat on the side with a sour look on my face feeling like crap and feeling excluded from my new family. But honestly, they just wanted to take a family photo and didn’t think to include me. Sure it hurt my feelings, just as your feelings have every right to be hurt. But it doesn’t matter to me at all now. It takes some time getting used to a new person in your family. I should have spoke up in the moment. 

    Tell your FH how you feel in a calm manner. Tell him why it makes you feel so insecure with his new family and just have him think on it a little bit. Ask him if the situation were reversed how would he feel. Then I would try to let it go. You have no proof that they were purposefully excluding you so there is no use in harboring on those crappy feelings and then letting it effect your relationship with his family. 

    Post # 11
    Member
    6034 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: October 2014

    Holy over reactions, batman! Sounds like this is the first time the adult kids all agreed to the portraits, and the first opportunity that they’d be together. You’re not one of your fmil’s children, and no matter how closely you bond with the family, you never will be— she didn’t give birth to you– so when you’re left out of certain things, it’s not a snub (snuff), it’s a siblings-only activity. Relax and don’t take it personally!

    Post # 12
    Member
    3813 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: August 2013 - Brookfield Zoo

    @lionsheart:  +1

    Sounds like his sister just wants to do family portraits for their mother.. there will be other opportunities for pictures, and you are already going to be unavailable.  I wouldn’t be offended.

    Post # 13
    Member
    562 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2011

    I think the word you’re looking for is snub, not snuff.

    And I think it’s all about the new baby.

    Post # 14
    Member
    6644 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: June 2011

    Definately not about, it is about that baby and honestly you are not technically family yet so I can see why yes. Would I be upset a little bit yes

    Post # 15
    Member
    935 posts
    Busy bee

    @QuirkySocialite:  not to be blunt, but technically you are not officially HER family yet. I dont think she was taking a jab, maybe there is some other reason she wants a photo, maybe to commemorate the welcoming of her new child by celebrating with everyone. Im sure if you were there you would be included, but since you wont be there, there is nothing you can do about it. and for u to be out of state at the time should not make her want to change her plans with HER brother, mom etc.

    She could still have prego brain and is just emotional and isnt thinking that you would be upset by this. Personally, I would not be offended. however, being tht you two are still doin seperate holidays this close to the wedding, maybe you should talk about what you are going to do when you actually marry.. because if you always go home and he always goes to his home, you will never have a pic with them at Christmas anyway. if its affecting you this much, dont miss the next one, however, i dont think you should assume that this means a lifetime of doom & gloom. My FSIL & I dont have the best of relationship but at the same time I would never go to my FI and tell him to fix it, I wouldnt want to put him in that awkward not to mention uncomfortable space. 

     

    SORRY ITS LONG

    Post # 16
    Member
    453 posts
    Helper bee

    I can see they’d want to do it with the new baby. I get that.

    I also get that you could technically, even though you’re getting married in March, NOT Actually be part of the family. Things could happen, call it off, etc, etc.

    I have a family wedding picture with my cousin in it. Standing next to him is his, chubby and rude at-the-time, fiancee. He is not married to her, but instead to his lovely wife with whom he has an adorable child. Today, I look at that picture and think… who the heck is that girl?!

    I can understand, but I would also be miffed that they didn’t want to wait until after March (and I can also see why they don’t want a “family portrait” to be with you in your wedding gown). 

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