Post # 1
My fiance and I are in disagreement about this little issue…Basically he has a brother who recently got married. His brother’s wife never made an effort to include me in anything leading up to their wedding. She had a destination bachelorette party in my home town (while I was in town) and did not invite me. She also planned (way in advance) a spa day that included her bridesmaids and my fiance’s mom. About 12 hours before they went to the spa, she said to me, "oh, you can come too." And then on the day of her wedding she did not include me in any of the family pictures (I had been engaged to her husband’s brother for over a year at that point, and the only reason we weren’t married yet was because we had to wait to have our wedding several months after theirs).
Now my bachelorette party is coming up and I wans’t going to invite her (only my bridesmaids are invited by the way). It will be the night before our rehearsal dinner and she will be in town. My fiance thinks I’m being petty and that I will compromise my relationship with her. My argument is that if she doesn’t think it was rude not to invite me to hers, why would she be offended if I do not invite her to mine?
I really want to have a fun time at my bachelorette party. What would you do?
Post # 3
I think if you are only going with your bridesmaids, and no other family or girlfriends you shouldnt have to invite her. Is there any way she would even know about it since his mom is not invited either? I do think that you should include her in pictures though, that stinks that she did not include you in hers. I would understand if you werent engaged, but you were and shouldve been in the pictures.
Post # 4
I should add that she knows about the bachelorette party. Not from me, but from my fiance’s mother (who’s not invited, but knows about it).
Post # 5
I still think you can get away with not inviting her. If its just your bridesmaids, you can tell her that if she asks you about it. Or you can do the same thing she did to you and invite her a few hours before the party 🙂
Post # 6
Nope, dont invite her. So what if your FI thinks its petty. You two clearly arent very close and your bach party should be your closest friends, not people you feel obligated to invite. The whole night youd probably be thinking that you dont even want her there…at least I would. You knew about her bach party and spa day and she didnt feel pressured to invite you. I cant imagine she’d be offended given the history.
Post # 7
I agree, if it is only your bridesmaids who will be there then you do not need to invite her also….and anyways….your BM’s should be taking care of the planning so if they overlook her….oops….not your fault
Post # 8
I don’t think she needs to be invited. A bachelorette is supposed to be for your closest girlfriends – clearly she doesn’t count as one of them. I think you’re in the clear!
Post # 9
I’d say since it’s a "bridesmaids only" thing there is no reason in the world you have to invite her! And second of all, that was very rude of her to treat you that way, knowing full well you were engaged and getting married soon. You weren’t some random girlfriend! If you did bring her along, it’s not like she’s friends with your bridesmaids, so she probably wouldn’t be much fun to bring along, and may become resentful for the fact that you paid no attention to her since she didn’t know anyone but you. I wouldn’t worry about it.
Post # 10
regardless of whether she invited you to hers, if yours is bridesmaids only, i don’t see why she should be invited. you can explain it to your FI this way – you’re not hosting, your BMs or MOH are, and they/she intend for the evening to be for close friends (i.e. bridesmaids) only in order to create the most supportive and fun environment for you in the days leading up to your wedding.
Post # 11
Your bachelorette party is suppose to spent with the girls in your life that you hold most dear to your heart. I think you are under NO obligation to invite her because you are obviously not good friends.
Go have FUN and don’t worry about her because I promise she isn’t thinking this much about you and never has!
Congrats on your big day!
Post # 12
Yes, this is YOUR party. It’s not like you are putting your foot down about not inviting her to your wedding. It’s your batchelorette party. Guest list is bride’s choice. Period.
Post # 13
Yeah, I wouldn’t bother with the invite. In my mind, a bachelorette party isn’t the kind of party that you should do a pity/courtesy invite to someone for. It shouldl be the women that are close to you. If she’s not one, I think it’s totally fine not to.
Post # 14
I would agree…don’t invite her! Besides, you can always use your bridesmaids as a coverup! "Oh…they didn’t invite you? Sorry, I didn’t have anything to do with the planning!"
Post # 15
I think Happilywaiting hit in on the nose!
And I have to agree with MrsBear’s way of explaining it to your fiance. He should understand!
Post # 16
I think overall the situation your in sucks! I feel awful that she did that to you… I think I am one of the only one who might feel this way but perhaps you should be the bigger person. Only because once you do get married you really will be family and in the long run perhaps you two could become close… I would hate for anyone in your FI family to say that you were a rude person or to think little of you (even though they shouldn’t but…)and unless you really think you would fight with her if she came and that she would ruin the evening, I would say at least invite her and maybe say something like "I just wanted to make sure I formally invited you to my party because pretty soon we’re going to be family and I want to make sure we get to know each other better" or something to make her see that you are trying. If you think you just can’t stand to have her there make sure everyone knows that the party was just for you and your bridesmaids and make it a point to tell her that you would *sarcastic voice* love for her to come but it’s only for you and your bridesmaids. HTH. Good luck…let us all know what happens!