Post # 1
So I need to know if I should be upset or not. I was in my good friend’s wedding almost 3 years ago and her and her husband just RSVP’d no to my wedding because they just had a baby. I only know it’s because of the baby because a mutual friend of ours asked her before she RSVP’d if she was coming and she said that “She wasn’t sure if she could leave the baby yet.” The baby is perfectly healthy so it’s not that she’s premature or anything. The baby was invited, plus my friend lives about 5 min from her parents who I’m sure would take the baby for a night. I feel a little hurt simply because she just responded “no” (our RSVP was a mad lib and she left everything empty except for her name and checking “no”) and hasn’t said anything to me – no phone call, email, or text. I’ve never had a baby so I obviously don’t know what it’s like to be a new mom, so should I be upset?
Post # 3
@sarahsmile417: Do not be upset about this…no one is ever really ready to be a parent, and I’m sure that those two would declare a national holiday if they both got three hours of sleep and a shower in the same day….this has nothing to do with you, and it’s not really about the baby…they’re trying to figure this whole parenting racket out, and if they actually could leave the baby with someone, which is really unlikely this early in the game, they would probably elect to take a nap over anything else.
I get that your wedding is a big deal, they’re just fried, give them a chance to figure it out…babies don’t come with manuals!
Post # 4
I think it’s one of those things you’ll understand more if/when you have a baby. This is something I’ve heard is super common. Don’t be upset!
Post # 6
If you’re upset, you’re upset. I don’t think “should” has much to do with it. They are not being atypical or unreasonable new parents to not want to leave their small infant for an evening. (Are you sure they know the baby is welcome to come? You could call and let her know?) Try to be understanding, but it’s okay for you to be sad that she won’t be there.
Post # 7
- Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL
No. Most new moms find it difficult to leave their baby with anyone, even grandparents, for the first 3-6 months. We just had a couple cancel on us because they’re due the month before our wedding.
Post # 8
I know receiving a curt “no” from them has to be a bit hurtful, but I would try not to take it personally. They’re probably just overwhelmed right now.
Post # 9
@sarahsmile417: Not at all. My brother and his wife just had thier first right before the holidays were in full-swing, and declined Thanksgiving dinner with the family. There are issues of not wanting to breastfeed in public, maybe the baby is colicky and fussy, maybe they don’t want the baby around people (a lot of people want to hold, pet, or coo over the baby, which means the baby can be exposed to a TON of germs, and it’s really hard for a parent to politely tell people to back off so it’s easier just to not put yourself in that situation. A baby’s immune system isn’t up to dealing with the everyday onslaught of germs that ours are). Maybe they are those parents that just don’t want to be away from home with their bundle of joy for no real reason- they are entitled to that, especially if this is their first. Also, they may not be able to leave the baby with their parents- again, breastfeeding.
They are not saying they love you any less are or any less happy for you, they’re not boycotting your wedding or being rude, or trying to start drama, so there is no reason to be upset. Sometimes life happens!
Post # 10
Yeah, I have to say, I’ve got a 3.5 month old and just now feel like I’m getting the hang of things, and I’m still only sleeping 5 or 6 hours a night (not in a row). I could go to a wedding now, but the thought is moderately overwhelming. You have a right to be sad, but it’s definitely not personal.
For the first month and a half, our “feedings” were almost constant, and in the evenings, we would feed for 5 hours straight (yeah, not my favorite). I would not have gone to a wedding, even with him, because that would have been awkward, uncomfortable, and hard. Plus, I couldn’t have participated.
Post # 11
She is probably so busy all she had time with was to check no and send the RSVP back. Between feeding, changing diapers, baby being fussy, needing to pump, going to an event like a wedding can be challenging for a family with a new baby. Maybe you can drop her a note to say you’re disappointed that she can’t come, is there any way she can leave the baby with someone and get some grown up time for a little bit, or can you two catch up soon.
Post # 12
@Nona99: You put this perfectly yet again… don’t know why I’m surprised! 🙂
@sarahsmile417: I can understand why this bothers you but honestly inviting someone to your wedding isn’t a scratch you back, you scratch mine, kind of deal. You went to theirs but they can’t go to yours, they will be the ones that miss out and can’t go, and I’m sure that they will be sad to miss the day.
You have so many things to worry about between now and the wedding, and I assure you on the day you will be too busy to remember they couldn’t attend and the focus wil be entirely on you!
Post # 13
When my baby was less then 2 months old I was not comfortable leaving my infant with anyone or really taking her to any social events where she could catch germs. Breastfeeding can also be an issue as newborns tend to cluster feed. Colic is another thing…..it also sounds paranoid but I just didn’t trust anyone to care for her when she was that tiny.
I was also really tired all the time and not really in the mood to go out much. Dealing with a newborn and recovering from a c-section is no easy task. There were nights where she was screaming at me and I would immediately give her to my husband and jump in a bath. It took some time getting used to things and learning the ways that she liked to be calmed.
She is coming up on 3 months and I will leave her with a family member for a couple hours for date nights or other things, but it isn’t for very long as she dosn’t like taking a bottle. I will also take her to some social events but I am never really there for very long. She starts to get fussy and I would rather she fuss it out at home.
I wouldn’t be upset about it, it is one of those things that happens when one is a new parent.
Post # 14
You are upset, it’s not a question to whether or not you should be. I think you have a right to be upset considering you said the baby can come.
Give it time, and try to talk to your friend about it so you can feel a lot better.
Post # 15
@sarahsmile417: Im so sorry you feel that. Until you have a baby you wont know what it feel like to leave you newborn at home. please try and be a little more understanding.
Post # 16
No. For all you know, it has nothing to do with the baby. Maybe they will be out of town or something!