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Your day is your day. You can't make it mean something to anyone else...and you can't make it your month, your year, etc, as much as we would all like to! Really, your sister SHOULD NOT be doing this to you. She should give you some time before they marry, but all you can do is rise above it and be gracious. :)
I'm getting married a month before my friend and a month after my coworker. Unfortunately, thats the only time that worked for me. We travel together a lot and people ask us both about our weddings. I don't think she is resentful of me at all. I also go out of my way to make sure we discuss HER wedding and I help her find ideas and that sort of thing.
I think the biggest part of making this either great or a hellish experience is your attitude. My friend and I have been dress shopping together twice now. It has been a blast! I have friends who are closer to me, but I would rather go with her. It can be boring to sit and wait 5-10 minutes between every dress (It takes time to get in those suckers!), Plus this way I have another honest opinion, and I get to share her experience with dress shopping as well.
It is great having someone else go through all the experiences at the same time and help me out. Maybe you can try looking at it that way.
I think you should try not to be upset. She's getting engaged too and should not have to wait until X amount of time has passed before she plans for her wedding to be. Your day will still be your special time and she can't steal that day from you. I would hope she would not try to steal your thunder on your special day but it's not like she's planning it the next weekend.
You might even find it nice to have a someone to share ideas with who is planning for the same season and things.
I think since neither of you are even engaged yet, getting very upset about this stuff is just a waste of energy and emotion.
A month before or a month after is fine. It would be fun to plan your weddings together too.
Thanks y'all...I'm definitely going to make the most of this experience and hope that we can share and celebrate together.
I think I was having a Pre-Bridezilla moment, LOL!!
My husband's brother got married 2 weeks after us. It worked out fine. I wouldn't worry about it - especially with a lot still up the air (neither of you are engaged quite yet).
I understand why you would be upset but just try to see the postives. You can plan together and bounce ideas off eachother. You should be happy for her that she has found someone that she wants to spend the rest of her life with. It might not even happen or it might end up workign out perfectly. Dont be upset with something that hasn't even happened yet.
I'm going to repeat the Weddingbee mantra: You get a day. Enjoy it, cherish it, relish it, because that's it. One day. The only way your cousin could be stealing your thunder is if she decided to get married on the same day. Let this go, she hasn't done anything wrong.
Totally agree with these tidbits:
Dont be upset with something that hasn't even happened yet. -You'll stress yourself out for no reason.
and this
The only way your cousin could be stealing your thunder is if she decided to get married on the same day.
I agree with Ms MamaBear and Bailzoe. Don't worry about it, neither of you are engaged yet.
Ane it WILL be fun to have someone to go through the planning frenzy with!
If you want all the attention, then book church and reception hall and send out Save The Dates. That way you will get ALL the attention now before the cousin can steal the thunder.
Thanks for the comments and advice...
@MrsMdPhd: Thanks for the mantra! It'll definitely come in handy!
@@LacrosseBride your sarcasm is taken lightly! But, who doesn't want their day and the process to be all about them? Part of your comment is exactly what I'm trying to avoid...it's not about who's first, I don't want this to be a competition and I DON'T want family (esp those from out of town) to have to pick and choose which ceremony they'll attend or be offended if they are/aren't invited to one or the other...all of these things are out of my hands, but will be more obvious and more touchy with ceremonies so close to each other.
~*smooches and blessings*~
A month is a long time before (or after). I really think it's a non-issue. The concept of thunder-stealing does not apply given your timeframe.
But, who doesn't want their day and the process to be all about them? Part of your comment is exactly what I'm trying to avoid...it's not about who's first, I don't want this to be a competition and I DON'T want family (esp those from out of town) to have to pick and choose which ceremony they'll attend or be offended if they are/aren't invited to one or the other...all of these things are out of my hands, but will be more obvious and more touchy with ceremonies so close to each other.
Easy there, bridezilla ;) First off, neither of you are even engaged yet, so this whole thing is a bit premature. Secondly, they're going to be a month apart. That's a long time. No one is going to have to choose between your two weddings unless they have a "one wedding we can attend every six months" rule. Your day is still going to be all about you because that's what it is: a day. Not a week, not a month (even if it were, she's getting married a month after you so you're still fine.)
Well, I don't really want the process to be all about me. Different personalities etc.
But, guys, ease up on the "neither of you are even engaged yet" stuff - they're obviously engaged they're just not calling it that because he's planning a "proposal" - they've obviously agreed to get married and are planning their wedding - she has as much right/incentive to be upset about this stuff as if she already had her ring - she does have her FI's and her own promise.
My second cousin is getting married the same day as I am. We've only met a few times so we're not close, but it means some of my mom's cousins won't come to my wedding. They felt really bad about it, but all four of us had tight schedules to plan around. My cousin who I am fairly close to is getting married six weeks after us. They got engaged and started planning first, so I felt a little bad about putting our date ahead of theirs, but again, schedules are really limiting. They're coming to our wedding and we're going to theirs.
Since neither of you are engaged, I don't think you have any logical reason to be upset. You really do just get one day. Her getting married the month before or after you will not affect your wedding or marriage in the least. It's not a race.
I got engaged at the beginning of 2009 and my date for Sept. One of my besties and bmaids got engaged that July and set her date for this past 4th weekend. Another good friend of ours got engaged this Jan and is getting married in August. None of us are upset about it. In fact, we are all really excited to be able to share the experience of planning our weddings together. It's a positive thing, and we;ll always share it. We joke about it - it's our Wedding Triathalon.
She's not stealing anything from you. You can choose to see this as a really fun, flattering, exciting thing to share as friends. it will be better for everyone involved if you do.
@Arachna: I do think much of this boils down to personalities...but, I'm looking forward to the next year and a half!! We've been through so much together, so I guess it's fitting that this is added to the list!!
I think it's really generous of her to stay out of 'your' month!
Maybe if you focus on sharing her joy, you'll worry less about what everyone will think. The important thing is, afterall, that you're both getting married to the men you love. What better thing is there to share?!
I agree with the PP, I'm sure in the end it will all work out wonderfully, and you'll be glad you have someone to share the planning experience with.
sure, you've chosen a date and plan to be engaged but who knows if it will happen that day. what if your favorite venue is not available on 11.11.11 since many couples want that date as well. don't be a pre-bridezilla or a bridezilla. regardless of her wedding date, your wedding will be about you and your husband. no thunder is being stolen....
@diva81esq: I can understand how you feel but at least it's the month b4 or after and not the week before. Just try and be as happy for her as she will be for you. You'll still have your moment a whole month of you time to shine. Maybe this way you guys can plan your wedding together and it can possible bring you even closer.
I just have to say, I got engaged before my BFF and she got married a month before me, but I was super excited because planning together was so much fun and less stressful! Embrace it and celebrate together!! It really is nice having someone go through planning and stress together cause she'll totally understand where you're coming from!
But, guys, ease up on the "neither of you are even engaged yet" stuff - they're obviously engaged they're just not calling it that because he's planning a "proposal" - they've obviously agreed to get married and are planning their wedding - she has as much right/incentive to be upset about this stuff as if she already had her ring - she does have her FI's and her own promise.
Not really. In my mind, you're either engaged or you're not. There's no "engaged to be engaged" or "engaged but still waiting on the proposal." These boards are full of posts from waiting bees whose SO's have given them deadline after deadline, yet they're still waiting for their rings. Sh**t happens. There's a reason people don't go around putting down deposits and sending out save the dates before their SO's propose. My SO told me he wants to marry me next year, I'm not going around telling people I'm engaged though, because I'm not.
I'm not saying the OP should doubt her SO's commitment to her or his promise that a proposal will be forthcoming. I'm just saying that it's a bit premature to start getting bent out of shape because her friend, who's also not engaged yet, wants to have her wedding a month before or after her. There's just too many variables to act as if these two dates are set in stone, sure fire things.
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So, we aren't officially engaged...but, we've planned a LOT and have chosen a date (11.11.11). I told my cousin, we're like sisters, because we've always shared this kind of stuff and she's going to be my MOH...but, this week she texts me and says she's getting engaged (Dec '10) and that she'll either get married the month before or after us (and I'm sure it'll end up being the month before).
I'm really hurt and don't think she even understands...I don't know how to talk to her about this (and who knows, she may even be on this board). I'm not jealous, but disappointed and shocked that she would (as my mom said) steal my thunder, LOL!
I really do pray the best for her, but I wanted this to be about MrEsq and me!!
Vent over...*woosah*