Post # 1
I have planned a cruise for my boyfriends 30th birthday. It is 100% a surprise. He believes that him and I are going on a weekend trip to Vegas. Not only do I have him fooled on what we are doing, but 20 of his closest friends and family are also going on the cruise. I have been planning this event for almost a year and with the cruise a few weeks away I am so close to pulling the surprise off.
What I am upset about is 2 days ago- his cousin tells me that he is going to propose to his girlfriend on the cruise because all his family will be there and he wants them to witness it. I am at a loss for words because I feel like he is stealing the thunder away from why everyone is going on the cruise in the first place. The reason why all his family will be there is because I planned a trip and they were all invited. I feel that if he proposes it will over shadow the birthday surprise. I also feel like he is going to reap the benefits of all my hardwork. I have asked him to reconsider because I do want this trip to be all about my boyfriend. He was unwilling to listen to anything I had to say and replied with, “you cannot dictate when or how I propose so mind your own business.” He does have a point but why does he have to do it during a trip that I spent so much time planning and organizing.
– I greatly apprecaite all the comments. This fourm has allowed to see other peoples unbiased opinions. The last thing I want to do it say something to the family that can bite me in the ass in the future. I am trying very hard to collect my thoughts and be the bigger person- but sometimes a girl just needs to vent.
Post # 3
You can be upset but it doesn’t sound like it will change his mind. It”s really shitty he is doing that. Can you at least ask him to wait till the last day?
Post # 4
Thats really annoying that he wants to steal all the thunder. But you should be happy for him, maybe you can compromise… he can do it on the last(ish) day of the cruise.. then everyone can be happy?
Post # 5
@bb55: Can’t you be happy for them? This wouldn’t upset me at all, in fact, I would feel honored to be part of it. In what way is it stealing your thunder? Were you going to propose to your SO on the cruise?
Edit: I understand you want the birthday to be special but do you think it still can be, even if he proposed to her on the cruise? I can see both sides of this. I agree that asking him to wait for the last day is a great compromise, would he agree to that?
Post # 6
If he doesn’t do it on the first day then it’s ok.
Post # 7
My brother in law proposed to my sister on the day my mom got remarried. I was livid. I think stuff like that is really bad form.
Post # 8
I would probably end up making some passive aggressive comment in front of everyone… maybe even during a toast depending on my mood.
Post # 9
I would be upset, plan your own proposal don’t steal the party I spent a year planning for my boyfriend.
Post # 10
I did ask if he could do it on the last day- and he said that by then everyone will be drained from the trip to want to celebrate their engagement. His plan is to do it when my boyfriend and I walk up and everyone yells surprise. I quote, “everyone will be looking at our group yelling surprise so all eyes will be on us.”
I am happy for them- but this trip isn’t about them. There are 52 weekends a year, why does it have to be this one.
Post # 11
I’m really big on sharing family moments so I don’t think this would bother me. Are you having a birthday dinner/party a particular night? Maybe ask him not to do it that one night and let him know you are really excited for him. I know if I was in his situation and was like “i’m about to propose/be engaged” and someone was more worried about me stealing their thunder then congratulating me I would be super hurt and upset.
Post # 12
OH HELL NO! Especially the way he is planning to do it. That is f-ing ridiculous! His soon to be FI is going to hate it too. They’re going to feel like total ass holes. Wow. I cannot believe someone would be so inconsiderate. I’m okay with him proposing later on in the week as I don’t think it will steal your husbands thunder, but within the first day or two?! no way!
Unfortunately, I really don’t know what you can do about it…I hope he gets sea sick though! 😉 jk (sorta)
Post # 13
He sounds awesome.
It’s still a leap year – in the middle of walking up YOU propose to your SO 🙂
Post # 14
I don’t think it’s a big deal if he proposes on the cruise, but the way he’s planned it – to follow the “surprise” moment immediately with the proposal – does smack of stealing thunder. I mean, can’t he at least wait until dinner that night or the next day?
Post # 15
I think its okay as long as he doesnt do it right after you guys sing happy birthday or something or do it right after surprising your SO with the cruise like “Well since John got surprised with a cruise Id like to surprise my Susie with a ring” or whatever. Maybe you could talk to him and just ask that he do it near the end of the cruise and let your SO enjoy being in the spotlight for a day or so (not sure how long the cruise is). Maybe he could do it privately when its just the two of them and then share with everyone after hes proposed then you can all celebrate together……Good luck, dont let this spoil your time with your SO after all the work youve put in, worst case scenario he does it at an inapropriate time…. all you can do is not let it make you crabby and ruin the rest of the cruise for you and your SO, Im sure he’ll be happy for them anyways and not care…..men dont “get it” as much as we do :o)
Post # 16
@bb55: I think it’s very, very rude of him and that you have every right to be upset. Ummmm, if I were his gf/fiancee, I’d be annoyed with this scenario as well, because I’m assuming she knows you coordinated the whole trip. I’d be irritated that my future husband didn’t play a hand in planning our engagement trip!!
I guess there’s nothing you can do, but I would totally let your BF know (in private, after the engagement) that you were annoyed as you had planned the whole trip, etc. just so he gets that his amazing vacay is a result of *your* hard work!!
(Edited for spelling/grammar)