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I would be inclined to not talk about it with her.
1. She either knew what she was doing and it and was trying to aggravate you with her comment, making it clear that she was doing this intentionally. If this is the case, there's not a point in talking because she probably hopes drama will ensue.
2. Or she really, really didn't think you'd mind and is a bit clueless (the clueless part I'd have trouble buying since she made that preemptive comment). If this is the case, there's no point in making her feel badly!!
Either way, I'd keep my distance except when necessary, and in situations with her, be very nice but not buddy-buddy. Observe her actions and words over the next few months and decide which of the two scenarios fits what occurred, and make your choice of whether to be close with this woman based on those observations.
Huckleberry is right and much kinder than I am. Pretty much everyone knows not to wear white to a wedding if you aren't the bride. I don't believe she is one bit clueless about it. I do think she is looking for attention in a weird way. For that reason alone, I wouldn't bring it up again. I am sorry you are upset, but don't let a tacky person take away from what was a wonderful day.
She clearly is a huge b**** and wants to get some sort of reaction. She is the one that already looks bad for doing that.
Remember this in the future with her, she clearly will try to steal attention at other life events. I wouldn't trust her. But don't her actions spoil your memories of your wedding day. It's not worth t.
I wishe she wasn't part of the family or I'd say, write her a nasty email.
"Thanks for trying to steal my thunder, but it didn't work. ;) My husband only had eyes for me and that's all I care about !"
But seeing as she is family and you have to be civil. Bite your tongue and don't go out of your way to be overly nice to her !
Some people are so rude !!!!
I don't know if she was trying to be mean. I would give her the benefit of the doubt on this one. She probably meant for that sarcastic comment to be a way of gauging your reaction to see if you would be upset or not, and when you laughed it off, she thought "oh good, she's not super traditional and won't mind". If she was trying to be mean and passive aggressive she wouldn't have said anything to you at all, she would have just worn the dress. Besides being white, was there anything bridal looking about her dress? I personally would never wear white, but a lot of people think that as long as your dress is not even remotely bridal, then the color doesn't matter. So I knew a girl who wore a cotton white sundress to a wedding and her justification was that her little sundress would hardly detract attention from a bride in a satin ballgown...
Even if she was trying to be mean, this woman is in your family now. What's done is done and the best thing to do to keep the peace would be to just move on.
I'm sorry she was so inconsiderate (even though I think it was unintentional.)
Ugh, I have a crazy sister-in-law too.. if she wasn't in the wedding party, I'm sure she would of pulled something like this.So I feel your pain.
I did have a 15 year old girl wear a white dress, but like you other guest who wore white..they were not in pictures..
With your SIL saying what she did the day before knew what she was doing...:(
BUt the only advice I can give you, wait a bit..as it sounds you are still riding the high off your wedding..give it another week or two and see if it really matters to talk to her or not.
My sister-in-law pulled a ton of crap.. and I was really upset once the wedding was over and I could think about all she did.. it was the only thing I could think about for awhile.. I ended talking to my mom about it for a few hours one day, and let some time pass and now I have no desire to talk to the SIL.
If you do want to talk to her, I would just casually mention it.. like "hey, so what happened with not wearing the white dress on my wedding day?? did your other dress catch fire?"
You should have your photographer color in her dress! So when you get proofs back with her in she won't have a white dress anymore...you can make it any color you want LOL.
But don't worry, if anyone else noticed at the wedding..they are thinking that your SIL is trashy because seriously....who does sh!t like that? They are all thinking that she is a jealous little girl...
ohhh envy green would be a good color to color in her dress :)
She's a bitch. That's all there is to it. My advice, don't let her know it bothers you or else she'll feel like she "won".
Usually I would say she was being remiss, but the way she talked to you the day before says otherwise. I agree with pinkpinstripes, be vigilant b/c she'll try to steal your thunder in the future.
I agree with greenleafmountain that she was probably trying to guage your reaction when she made the comment. She still made an idiotic choice when she picked out her dress though. Just make sure when you pick out your pictures to hang in your home, you hang one of everyone else but her! Maybe she'll get the hint.
I love @Ms_Sassy's response... that's EXACTLY what you should do... And just let it go.. Don't be mad just act like it never happened! Oh that would be so hilarious.
Probably not the most "adult" or "mature" way a dealing with it but if her in the pics bothers you that much then I would definitely to do it.
As for talking to her about it... If she did do that purposefully and with ill intention then bringing it up isn't going to fix or change anything.. Just accept her as she is and ignore her behavior....
But for sure fix your pictures! ;)
Thanks for the advice..
I have decided to drop it for now... I will photoshop her dress for my personal wedding picture album...haha
and if my mother in law wants to use the picture for a christmas card(like she has for my husband's brothers).. I will cross that bridge when I come to it and either photoshop it and give it to her and don't say anything and see if she notices... or tell her that I am going to photoshop it haha
mainly... her dress was BRIGHT BRIGHT WHITE... and my dress was more antique vintage champangy-ivory... (don't know what the real color is...) and she would stand out more in pictures... which sucks
I am about to spend a WEEK LONG family trip with his family and she will be there.. ...It wil be a test of my character and patience..
Well she's a jerk for doing that! I wonder what the brother was thinking letting her come like that. I'm sure the photo people can change the color. I guess some people always have to create drama because they're jealous and insecure.
What a pyscho! I'd stay as far away as possible, but at the same time, I'd be pissed and want to say something, like what the F**K! really messed up...I hope noone wears white to my wedding!
I second what huckleberry says! Great advice. If you do ANYTHING or talk to her about it, it will just bring more attention to her (which is what she wants). Don't give into it. Let her suffer by just letting it roll off your back. Don't let her ruin your day ;)
I can't believe that. I'd like to say she's ignorant, but because she made that comment to you, she obviously knew just what she was doing. It's mean, and I don't understand why she would do that to you.
Boy that sucks. It's one thing to do it but another to actually bring it up before hand. That shows more than ignorance. About your Christmas card - I would worry too much. It sucks but any female that receives the card is going to be laughing at her.
I wouldn't say anything to her bc otherwise she has "won", but I would have her dress colored in, even for your MIL, bc then you won't have to stare at her photo of her white dress in the family photo that your MIL might hang on the wall for years. I'd love to see the look on her face, when she sees it on the wall - all colored in, bc she it obviously was trying to steal your thunder. I wouldn't trust her in the future either.
Thats such a great idea coloring the dress in! That'll irritate her when she sees it but she wont be able to complain because it woulddef make her look foolish!
Yeah what did other people say about it? (In your family/friends) Do they think she was crazy for doing it? I'm sure they'd all side with you. It's def. a very "WTF! O_o" kinda thing!!
I recently went to a friends wedding were 3 girls (not one or two but 3) wore white! i was soooo angry for her I wanted to drop my glass of cola on each and every one of them. Later after her wedding we talked about it and she said oh man yes i saw them how crazy! but she didnt dwell on it. of course it wasnt immediate family but i was glad she wasnt upset just brushed it off.
Now with that being sad I am not a kind person like that when it comes to My wedding. (yes i said my and now ours lol) MY FI will be on the look out for anyone wearing white and he said he will personally escort anyone that tries to steal my thunder! God bless his heart! he is also much kinder than me... i would THROW them out.
I sooo love the colored dress idea. I would have the photogs color it in and leave it at that. The only thing I would be worried about, but if she says anything, I would act like that's the color I thought she wore.
I would feel the same way that you are now if this happened to me. I wouldn't want to be hurt by it, but I wouldn't be able to stop thinking about it for a while. Especially since she's in the photos so it's a constant reminder.
It may sound silly but i worry about this with my wedding. And not just with the guests really, because if one of them wore white I wouldn't care too much because they wouldn't be in many photos. But I'm worried my FMIL will do something like this to try and steal attention or to hurt me. She's had it out for me since day one, but i don't want to stir up any family drama.
Maybe you can talk to your husband about it and just getting it off your chest will help you feel better. Talking to your SIL about it might be a little risky. And it's over and done with now so it wouldn't change anything. I also like the idea of another bee who suggested having the photographer color her dress. Or maybe you can have all the pics with her in it made black and white or a sepia tone. then it won't be as overt as the coloring thing.
Since you said you two normally get along "really well", and that she can be sarcastic, I can't help but think that her telling you about wearing white, seems really strange. Like it doesn't all add up.
Do you know of a reason why she'd want to steal your thunder? Is she jealous? (Again, you said you get along....) Has she been acting crazy? If not, there might be another story here.
I'm also curious like some pps, about how bride-ish the dress looked.
If you two are normally pals, I'd be wondering if she was someone who believes that a simple white dress that is clearly non bridal is perfectly fine. And agree that in saying what she did, she was trying to gauge your response.
Some wedding experts are saying that guests wearing white isn't a big deal these days. (That it's more the type of dress -anything that grabs attention away from the bride, regardless of color that's a problem. Too slutty, too formal, etc.) So maybe she thought she was fine, and feels like some wedding etiquette is outdated.
UPDATE:
So I just spent a week with my SIL and we got along great.... I couldn't bring up the dress thing.... I just decided to keep it in.
MY husband knows... he has known since before I posted this and he agrees it is really messed up and doesn't understand it.
I get what you are saying about it being a non-wedding gown ish type dress.. the problem is... she is family and in the family pictures and since my dress was muted vintage ivory.... she stands out in the pictures with the family that I KNOW my MIL will want to use for a christmas picture.... so that kind of sucks.and the dress looks like a shorter all bright white dress with a really frilly collar that I could see someone using for a casual beach wedding... basically... it's REALLY REALLY white and stands out alot.
Haven't had the guts to talk to my MIL about it. I figured I would take it as it comes and just see when she wants to use the pictures. But I am definitely going to change the pictures for myself.
Be ready for sh*t to hit the fan when you SIL sees the photoshopped picture. I would just let it be. 5 years from now, no one will remember the Christmas card anyways. I'm sure it's obvious that you are the bride in the picture anyways. I say just let it go to keep the peace.
You should take one of the pictures and make it into a Christmas card for your MIL. Then you get to choose the background and what the card is going to look like. Present it as a little gift to her.
I also wouldnt change the color of the dress for you own pictures. Since you said you two got along great over the weekend this may present problems later on in your relationship. Be honest with her next time you two chat just let her know that you love that you have a great relationship with her but your feelings were hurt when she said those words to you and then wore a white dress. Once you get it off your chest you two can move on and form a stronger bond.
Who the hell wears white to a wedding where they are not the bride? My FSIL would probbaly pull crap like that too if she wasn't a bridesmaid and is wearing what I tell her to wear!!
Even though she stood out in pictures, I guarantee everyone with an ounce of sense and etiquette wondered what the hell she was doing.
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My wedding was on June 27th and while nothing majorly went wrong.... I can't help but feel very anxious not that it is all over. My mind keeps racing and thinking about every single detail of the wedding and how I should have done this or said this....which is probably another blog I should write in and of itself... after-wedding blues I guess... which doesn't make the following situation any easier.
One of the things that keeps coming back to my mind is the fact that at my rehearsal dinner... my sister-in-law now...(my husband's brother's wife)... came up to me and said.."I was going to wear white but I decided to save it for tomorrow so I can take away the attention from you on your big deal"....She is a pretty sarcastic person...and we have always gotten along really well. When she said that I just laughed and assumed she was kidding... and she laughed too and it seemed just like a big joke.
The next day at the wedding... she actually did wear an all white dress. now... I am not a super traditional bride... and my dress was a vintage ivory color....but still close to white I would say. There was another girl that wore white...but one... she didn't say the comment the day before... and two... she wasn't in all the pictures of my husband's immediate family and us that his mother will post everywhere as a constant reminder of this occurrence.
I know I may be overracting... It just felt so passive aggressive and hurtful. If she had approached me and asked if she could wear a white dress and if that would upset me... it would have been a different story. But the fact that she said that means she knows that it would be something that would potentially be upsetting.....
what should I think? Should I talk to her about it(calmly)? Should I just ignore it?