- Blog
- Bios
- Boards
- Classifieds
- DIY
- Gallery
- Vendor Reviews
- Shop Weddingbee
Weddingbee boards
Hi Bees,
Okay, I love my fiance so much and we are such a happy couple. With the wedding quickly approaching and wedding plans in full swing, I have been living on our computer, doing searches, bookmarking sites for inspiration...etc. Wanting to go back and find a site I had earlier closed, I went through the browser's history and found some questionable sites...sites that I had not visited.
We've been together for years, and of course we've had the talk about looking at provacative pictures of women online...blah..blah, etc, etc. I know it happens off and on, which is fine.
But that's not what I found...no women. Instead I found that he was looking at websites for men's underwear...very explicit pictures of men in not-so-manly underwear.
So, I thought, that seems strange. Maybe he is looking at this stuff for himself, for the wedding night? Also, I considered that maybe he is just looking at pictures of guys to compare himself to them - since a lot of the pictures include buff guys. He is a slender guy, but lately he has really been turning up the workout regime, telling me he is trying to look better for me.
So, with that considered, I let that finding go and forgot about it. Our love life has been great, so nothing strange there.
Months went by and I found that he had been turning up the searches for scantily clad/nude men pictures...tons and tons of websites.
Okay, so now I'm thinking...is this normal? Do guys do this sometimes? Look at pictures of other nude guys to compare themselves? Maybe?
Girls - have you ever found your fiance/husband doing this? Guys - be honest, do you sometimes do this as well? Do I need to be worried? I love this man so much.
Guys have to buy underwear, but they don't constantly look at men in underwear online. Not straight guys anyway. I wouldn't have questioned the first one, as he may have genuinely just been shopping, but the new and increased searches? And many different websites? Again--straight men don't care THAT much about underwear. I think you two need to have a chat.
I am not going to lie - if I found this I would be concerned. There is nothing wrong with anyone exploring their sexuality but I would want to know that my FI was sure in his sexuality before he married me.
WOW. This is a red flag. Don't hold on to this and marry him. I would go talk to him with an open mind and don't make it super serious just casually bring it up when you are searching for something online...Maybe make a joke with a open ended question and wait for his response. If he is interested in men it seems like he would have at least deleted the searches..is he tech smart? Because if so maybe he wanted you to see it..
After you get his response to you finding the sites go from there...
To answer your question: yes. And I would approach him (in a loving way of course) about it.
I asked FH and he gave me a very strange "why would anyone do that?!" look and said "maybe if I was into naked dudes". He says a straight man would much prefer to find a scientific website describing muscle growth with men as clothed as possible.
It's always possible that he is just comparing himself/looking at muscle structure... but the amount you're talking about seems way overboard. I think a chat is in order.
Is it possible that these sites "popped" up when he was looking at other things...?? Or maybe he's trying to do something with his workout routine...?
100% honesty here: he knows you use the computer and didn't try to delete the computer history....a conversation is definately needed.
You need to talk with him IMMEDIATELY! This is not normal behavior (for straight men), and if he has a legit reason for looking at these sites, I'm sure you'd love to hear it. Do NOT feed him any excuses (Or the convo might go like this:"Have you been looking at these websites to compare your body?" "Ummmm...yes!").
People don't always watch european group sex because they want to have european group sex, but they wouldn't search it out if it didn't turn them on. Approach without judgement, as hard as it may be, and be ready to hear something you may not like. But you must discuss this before the wedding!
Most men just buy underwear, they don't really research them first. I just asked my FI if he has ever checked out mens underwear online and the answer was a big, fat no.
Even checking out the underwear seems weird to me but the pictures of the naked men is obviously a red flag. If he's bi-sexual then you'll have to reevaluate your relationship. I would highly suggest you talk to him about this..
Wow, you need to have a conversation, sooner rather than later. Like others have posted, do it in a loving, non-judgemental way. It seems like odd behavior, and there could be a "good" explanation or one that you may not like, but you should bring this up ASAP.
Thanks for the responses and advice - even though this is really starting to scare me.
I'm actually worried to bring up, because he might be pissed that I was looking in the history of his computer, thinking that I was spying. I have talked to him in the past about him looking at girls online and such, which we have worked through.
I don't think that he purposely left those sites on there. He has his computer and I have mine, but lately, we have been using eachother's on and off, since my computer is newer than his and some of the programs that he needs for school run better on there. So, sometimes I just use his for internet searches. It just depends.
As far as the issue of "fitness", I know that he also sometimes look at more traditional fitness sites as well. But, unfortunately, not nearly as much as he looks at the man sites.
I don't know, I guess I'll still have to think about how to bring this issue up, and I'm still on the fence on if I should...Let me know any thoughts or suggestions.
No. Guys don't do that. Not unless they want to look at guys in underwear.
Just bring it up truthfully. Say you were looking at the history to find a wedding inspiration and you noticed he had been looking at a lot of sites with semi-nude men and you were wondering what he was doing on them.
It can be as simple as that.
Why are you afraid to approach him about this? Don't you want to know what you're up against now rather than later? Seriously? This is not normal behavior for a guy...unless he's interested in other guys.
*bulldozes fence you are sitting on*
There is no question of whether you should. You MUST.
@double0bride: Agree. I can't imagine NOT bringing it up. If you don't, you are always going to wonder about it. Do you want to be 2 years into marriage with a baby and find out your husband actually prefers men? You deserve to know now.
I just asked FI and he said he would never search for men in underwear or naked men. He's pretty honest with me and isn't ashmed of saying if another guy is "attractive"... so in my opinion, I think it's kind of odd. Do you think he's purposely looking at these pictures to see if you will say something to him about it? Maybe as a joke? Or maybe him and his buddies were looking at pictures when you weren't around just being guys and joking around... I don't know, I would confront my FI if it were me. Good luck!
There is no "IF" you have to bring this up!
You can't marry this man knowing that he is questioning his sexuality!
Maybe he is curious, and unsure . My good friend discovered hidden stuff and searches ongoing with her (now ex) husband and it was of men having sex porn, etc. She said though that prior, and during this disovery-their relationship was dividing, no sex, just falling apart, and it was really sad for her. He then moved to the Phillipines after they split up. I think he wasn't sure about his own sexuality and had been married twice.
I agree with Taylor4. If you're afraid that he thinks you're "spying," just say you came across those sites while trying to find a wedding website you forgot to bookmark. No matter how you decide to approach it, one thing is certain, you cannot let this go. Good luck girl! We're all hoping for the best.
I also think you should talk to him about it.
But, I just wanted to emphasize since everyone seems really alarmed: If it turns out he is bisexual, that doesn't mean you can't get married! Bisexual people are attracted to both men and women, but if he fell in love with a woman (you) and wants to marry you, it doesn't mean that he will later cheat on you with a man any more than he would cheat on you with a woman!
I would bring this up (I wouldn't really worry about the spying thing- if you share a computer or he allows you to use his it's a non issue) in a casual way. Be away, he may not be forth coming with the truth. You're going to have to go with your gut.
I would much rather have this talk now instead of five years down the line when you are married and possibly have a family.
Don't be afraid, you need to know the man you are marrying.
I think that if you are questioning things, your gut is telling you something.
Can you go back to the history and find the search engine he used and see the exact terms he searched for? It should say Google Search: "terms search for". This might aid you in his true intentions before you confront him.
This is not something to be left alone.
He is the man you are going to MARRY. Forever. Talk to him likerightnow.
I would definitely ask him about it- I'm sure there's a perfectly reasonable explaination!
I want to agree with what rolling_berry said above. These pictures do seem to indicate that he is exploring his sexuality, and may be attracted to men. That doesn't mean he's not also attracted to women. I agree that a (gentle) conversation is in order, but I wouldn't jump to the conclusion that he is gay or isn't attracted to women.
Awkward conversation but definitely bring it up. Maybe even bring it up like.... Oh I was searching brides.com and when i entered "b" buffguys.com came up (or something lol i dont know what the sites are really called) but then say you checked the history and you saw everything else.
If your relationship is one worth its salt then nothing should be off-limits to talk about - ever! You should always be able to have an open and honest discussion with your FI, always!
You need to sit him down tonight, turn off the TV etc and say that whilst trying to find some wedding websites in the browsing history, you also found some man websites and you are curious as to why he is looking at them.
The fact that your sex life is normal means that you shouldn't freak out, it is possible that he just likes looking at men during his alone time, but that you are the one he wants to spend the rest of his life with. He doesn't find you unattractive; he may just find them attractive as well.
BUT you will not find out how serious this is until you talk to him. As someone above mentioned, don't feed him answers, just ask him why. Say that you support and love him but that you need answers.
Good luck and don't waste any more time, this will eat you up inside until you find your answers!
Please tell us how it goes.
I would definitely talk to him about it. There should be no secrets, so he should be willing to talk to you about it. It may be uncomfortable but it's not something to just be like "oh well" to. Explain how you found the sites and be as open-minded as possible. There are many gay men who are trying to "make themselves straight" by dating girls and even marrying them. Then a few years later (or years and years later) they finally come out. It's definitely because society hasn't openly accepted being gay yet. Believe me, there are tons of groups dedicated to spouses of gay/lesbian men & women. So I would talk to him.
Maybe he is bi-sexual and just isn't telling you. If that's the case then I would treat it like I would a man looking at sites of half naked women. Either way it's a concern that you should at least explore before you get married. He may be dying to talk to you :)
I asked my FI would he ever search for something like that and he said "Hell No!". I would talk to him ASAP about this.
Yeah. Sorry. I think you're getting your answer here. Good luck, and keep in mind it's better to know now than later.
@SummerBride8: whether he would be angry at you for looking at your computer or not, this is an issue that must be addressed before you commit to spending the rest of your life together. That conversation will only get exponentially harder to deal with later.
What straight man searches websites for underwear???? Every man I know just goes to target or a local department stor and picks up a pair(s). And most men stick to one brand for life so there's no websearching necessary. So I don't buy that excuse at all. Dude is supsect. Period. Sorry, I can't sugar coat it.
I don't think the underwear shopping thing is weird. My SO is picky about his underwear and only gets it from calvin klein online or other online sites like skiviez.com. He doesn't spend much time browsing, however... just orders what he wants and is done. Underwear shopping does not raise a flag - think about how much time us girls can spend on VS.com..
However, I DO think that the amount of time spent browsing and the other sites and pictures of naked or half-naked men should raise a big flag. It sounds like an open conversation is definitely called for. I think that you should trust your gut on this one and be honest about your concerns.
You must log in to post.
| Visit our sister sites | eHarmony Online Dating |
eHarmony Advice Dating Advice |
Project Wedding Wedding Songs |
JustMommies Pregnancy Calendar |
Create the honeymoon of your dreams.
| User | Posts Today |
|---|---|
| MissBoPeep | 56 |
| hisgoosiegirl | 39 |
| ndreighton | 38 |
| akp0702 | 37 |
| Mrs.KMM | 36 |
| beargoose | 34 |
| BetterSherm | 31 |
| Gemstone | 29 |
| Beckster329 | 28 |
| stardustintheeyes | 27 |
| User | Posts Today |
|---|---|
| MerryWidow | 5 |
| 2PeasinaPod | 3 |
| cardnasac | 3 |
| MrsMagnus | 3 |
 vorpalette |
3 |
| Sunfire | 3 |
| NotAnotherAnonBee | 3 |
| smyley | 2 |
| jo.lee | 2 |
| Sunflower--girl | 2 |
