should I break it off?

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
Member
8426 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

nonnybug:  Maybe your lack of interest is sex stems from the fact that you’re just not that into Josh anymore.  If you don’t want to hurt him, let him go instead of harboring feelings for someone else and half-assing your current relationship.  There’s nothing wrong with calling it quits if you’re not 100% on board.

Post # 3
Member
1500 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

Have you thought about couples therapy?

I think it’s normal to get a crush as long as you dont act on it.

Was you sexdrive always that low? or was it something that happened suddenly?

Post # 5
Member
8426 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

nonnybug:  Honestly, I don’t think it’s particularly healthy to stay with someone simply because you’ve been with them for a long time.  Don’t you want to know who you are as a person on your own?  It’s like having training wheels, sure you’ve gotten used to them because you’ve had them since you started riding, but it doesn’t mean you need them.

Post # 7
Member
13021 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

4.5 years is not a very long time imo.  i was with my ex for 7.5 years from age 21-28 when I broke it off with him.  That is no good reason to stay with someone.   You’re young and people change and grow apart.  If this crush is serious and your sex life is lacking because you’re not long attracted to him the same way, accept that people grow apart and move on.  Better to hurt him now than to drag it out longer if he’s not the one for you.  I think a small crush or attraction to someone else is normal, and its a fine line between that and it truely meaning something that indicates your heart is not completely into your current SO and that’s something only you can determine.  I knew, after 5 years or so that it wouldn’t last, but I didn’t want to hurt him and throw all that time away… and waiting only made it harder, but I just knew and did have crushes along the way that were a strong enough indcator that he was not enough for me.  I’ve never had another man cause me to doubt that my husband is the one for me.

Post # 8
Member
453 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

Break it off please. You are at most, what? 19 or 20?

 

Yes, you don’t want to hurt him but trust me you are much better breaking it off now and living your life and finding someone that you know you can’t live without and that gives you that feeling that you know he’s the one and can’t wait to get back to when you are separated. 

Yes, your sex life sucks because your mind is not into it. It’s tellin you something…When you aren’t into him, your mind isn’t into the actions toward him in the loving, compassionate, way that it should be between a husband and wife. 

You are sooo young. You have such a huge, full life ahead of you. Break it off. Date people. Not just one or two. Travel. Have adventures. Live your life before getting married. When you meet the one..you will know.  Clearly he is not the right one for you. 

Post # 10
Member
2092 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

nonnybug:  yes you should definitely break off the engagement. You seem very young and don’t seem to know what you want on life. You certainly don’t seem ready for marriage. And there’s nothing wrong with that…it will come in time. 

Post # 11
Member
239 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

There may be a physical reason for your reduced sex drive. For example, birth control and anti-depressants can impact a females sexual desire. It sounds like you want to be with your FI forever. Life has so many twists and turns. I wish I could give you some advice on how to handle your attraction to Austin. Listen to your heart!

Here is some information that may be helpful to you about the libido – http://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/low-sex-drive-in-women/basics/causes/con-20033229. It may be worth talking to your doctor.

Post # 12
Member
2092 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

pinkshoes:  4 years is plenty of time….but not when you’re only 20 and have never dated anyone else.

Post # 13
Member
5017 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2014

nonnybug:  I think you know he’s not the one by saying exactly what you said… that you’ve had doubts that he is. You wouldnt have doubts if you knew he was the right one for you! 

You are SOOO young. While I believe high school sweethearts can stay together, there is NO reason to get married at age 19/20 (however old you are). Break it off, enjoy life, and you’ll meet someone to marry in the future. 

Post # 14
Member
13021 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

nonnybug:  You dont know, but you dont make decisions based on how long you’ve been with someone and out of fear.  It’s always hard to break up with someone you’ve been with for a long time that you care for, especially when he cares for you and treats you well, and is perfect on paper.  And you probably will feel regret for a while if you do go through with it and doubt the decision… that is completely normal.  But then you get over it and realize it was the right decision, then you meet someone that is truely the right fit and are thankful you were strong enough to have made that choice.  At least that’s how it all went down for me…

Post # 15
Member
31 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2015

I agree with everyone else. Marriage is too big of a commitment to get into when you aren’t sure. It will definitely be hard learning to live without him, but you can get through it. It isn’t fair to him to drag him along when you aren’t invested in the relationship. It will hurt less in the long run to end it now.

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