Should I break up with my Fiance over this?? Please help:(

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
  • poll: Should I not be with my Fiance over what he says and is doing?
    Yes : (197 votes)
    50 %
    No : (31 votes)
    8 %
    May want to reconsider marrying him : (164 votes)
    42 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    2125 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: June 2015

    @BrideToBe14:  Ask him how he can be engaged if he only sees your relationship as a partnership. Ask him what made him propose to you. He sounds like a jerk, but keep in mind he’s been unemployed and that affects people in different ways. 

    Post # 4
    Member
    774 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    The wording of the poll was a little confusing and I didn’t want it to give you the wrong advice. My opinion? Ditch this bum. Break it off now before it becomes difficult after you are married. Any guy with the balls to tell you that you aren’t the woman of his dreams isn’t good enough for you. I think it’s one thing for a guy to say something like “oh, I like Angelina Jolie” and something entirely different to tell you that he is aroused by other women. It’s hard right now, but I would get rid of him and find someone who will make you their number one. 

    Post # 5
    Member
    1362 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2014 - Turf Valley

    I do not think you’re out of line one bit.  I would also be sitting down and thinking hard about whether or not to marry someone who A) Doesn’t really love me, and B) Doesn’t make providing for me/our family his priority.  What exactly is his priority, then?  Playing video games?

    He sounds very egocentric.  Your independent and strong personality is not at fault here.  I couldn’t handle a man who didn’t even try to get a job, let alone cared to provide… Ouch.  I would try counseling.  But I definitely wouldn’t follow through with the marriage until these issues are resolved. 

    Post # 6
    Member
    547 posts
    Busy bee

    Women are very quick to say “dump him” on this site, so be aware of that. However, it sounds like he is not the type of person you can be happy with since he is lazy, unmotivated, and half asses everything. He sounds like a jerk too. Saying he isn’t head over heels in love with you is also a red flag. You should try to get him to go to counseling, and if he refuses, I’d very seriously consider separating.

    Post # 7
    Member
    774 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    I’d like to add that yeah, it’s great when you can view your relationship as a partnership. I definitely see my FI and I as partners in life, but that’s only one facet of our relationship. Please, please, please, remove yourself from this situation. You seem like such a special girl and a true gift to the right man. Don’t put up with this treatment. 

     

    Post # 8
    Member
    2576 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: November 2013

    @BrideToBe14:  Didn’t you just start another thread with that same topic?

    Post # 9
    Member
    1025 posts
    Bumble bee

    If you aren’t his top priority and he isn’t madly in love with you, then he doesn’t deserve you. Find somone who does.

    Tell him to stop wearing his rectum as a head dress and leave him.

    Post # 10
    Member
    195 posts
    Blushing bee

    Ok, him being turned on by other women is normal. Him not necesarily being interested in hopping back into the work force with six figures in the bank – is pretty understandable (from my perspective – people retire with less money saved up).

    Him playing the “I’m not in love with you but I could be if” game is a complete deal breaker. That’s the kind of emotional blackmail that’s symptomatic of a pretty serious abuser, so I’d suggest following your gut and running for the hills.

    Post # 11
    Member
    968 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    Your poll is too confusing so I didn’t vote. But I would seriouslly consider leaving him. He’s taking advantage of you and treating you like crap.

    Post # 12
    Member
    3222 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: April 2015

    @BrideToBe14:  I think you two have vastly different ideas of what a relationship should be like, and what to expect from a partner.

    My partner was unemployed for a few months, and he also spent 4 hours a day playing videogames or reading books. But he also did waaaay more around the house so that when I got home, we were able to just hang out with each other. THAT is a partnership.

    I don’t really understand what kind of partnership your FI is looking for – the type where you bring home the income, cook his meals, clean the home, and still have energy left over to stroke his ego? 

     

    Post # 13
    Member
    2657 posts
    Sugar bee

    It sounds like he’s using you.  He piles on excuses and blame on you without acknowledging any of your valid concerns – that is not a healthy relationship.  He’s right that marriage is a partnership, but IMO marriage cannot succeed unless there is some kind of spark or desire to be with one another.  If he keeps acting like this, there may not be a good solution for your relationship.  However, a PP mentioned that unemployment treats people differently and I agree with that.  An option is that you could back off and indulge him, and see if his attitude about employment changes.  If you’re not comfortable doing that, you may need to realize that your attitudes and outlooks are not compatible, and you may need to decide whether you want to accept that moving forward.  Personally, if my FI acted that way and refused to change, I would leave.

    Post # 14
    Member
    2576 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: November 2013

    I voted to “reconsider marrying him.” I am not one to tell you what to do or not to do. Like I said in your other thread on this situation, you need to think about whether a relationship that brings out the worst in you is healthy for you to be in.

    If it were me, I would NOT marry this guy.

    Post # 15
    Member
    4513 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    Based on this post, no I would not marry this man. Why would you want to marry a man that goes out of his way to tell you that he isn’t head over heels for you?? No. Stop while you’re ahead.

    Post # 16
    Member
    2913 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: August 2013 - Wynn Las Vegas

    I don’t think you are being too hard on him. Those are normal things to expect a FI to do! I think you should take a step back in this relationship – don’t be engaged – why would you want to marry someone who isn’t head over heels ? 

    IMO it is normal to be attracted to other people – but who says that?! And to pop wood right in front of you…eeps. He is REALLY insensitive. 

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