Post # 1
I got married in March, and after being certain that I would NOT change my name, I’ve started to wonder if I should hypenate it if/when we have kids.
This is something I’ve struggled with for a while. I know engaged women who are absolutely GIDDY about the name change process and they love being Mrs. Husbands Name. I have other friends who thought they wanted to change it but basically went into shock and regret after it actually happened. It’s sometimes a mindless detail that you don’t really think about until it’s over, but I’ve thought about it a lot so I wanted to share those thoughts and open a discussion. My whole thought process is on my blog: [Link removed due to self promotion policy – sorry!] including ways we incorporated modern partnership into our wedding ceremony.
Are you changing your name? Do you know anyone who didn’t change their name? Do you have a different last name than your mom and has that ever really been an isuse?
Please keep this discussion kind. I rspect your decision to change/not change/hypenate your name so much, I hope you’ll respect everyone else’s opinions, too.
Post # 3
I am currently keeping my name. I am not sure about whether or not I will hyphenate when we have kids, I probably will…. but maybe not.
I love my last name, its been with me since birth and I think my first and last name sound really good together.
I love my DH but I do not love his last name (its Hunt, for the record… something I am not fond of and do not participate in as a sport). WHY does his last name have to be an activity I really really hate? LOL
I think it bugs DH to an extent, but he accepts it and I am grateful.
Post # 4
I thought about hyphenating my name, but my last name is already long, 9 letters, and SO’s is 6 letters. I don’t want to lose my last name, so I plan on just having two middle names: First, Middle, Middle (maiden), New last.
My mom kept her maiden name, and as a kid I always felt awkward having to say “no she’s my mom, she kept her name.” I know it’s more common these days, but I want to take SO’s name partially because of that.
Post # 5
I kept my name and love it like that. It’s part of who I am. When I have children, I won’t need to have the same last name as them. I don’t really get this argument, although obviously I respect this choice. But isn’t the fact that they’re my children enough to make us a family?
Post # 6
I am changing my name. I want FI and I to have the same name. I don’t have a big attachment to my last name, although it will be weird to not have it anymore.
Post # 7
@Nicole_Lee: For me, I had a terrible childhood and I couldn’t WAIT to get rid of my name. That, and I absolutely love being Mrs. Hendrickson now.
It’s certainly different for everyone though!
Post # 8
I was sort of indifferent to it, but FI is VERY traditional and meant A LOT to him. SO i will change it happily for him.
Post # 9
@Nicole_Lee: What a great blog post. I kept my lastname, and I can totally relate as I also faced all of those questions (and more…including my own mother telling me that “I’m selfish” for keeping my lastname). We too tried to eliminate some of the traditional “who gives this woman away” from our wedding script and didnt do a bouquet or garter toss. My last name is part of my identity, and it’s important for my career that I keep it. So I did. 🙂
ETA: i only answered one of your questions. It’s pretty common in academia to keep your last name, so I know quite a few women who have kept theirs. And ironically, given how opposed to me keeping my last name she was “for the sake of the future children”, I do have a different last name than my mom as she is remaried. It’s never been a problem for us, but then again she waited until I was 18 to change it.
Post # 10
I will be taking his last name. It was kind of a shock when it hit me that I was going to be a Mrs. HisName. I’ve been Ms MyName my whole life!
But the more I said it out loud, the more I’ve come to accept and like it. I’m now excited to make the change. I’ve also started my photography under my future new name, because we’re getting married here in just over two short months and I want to keep it consistent. So I’ve become used to seeing my future married name, and I really adore it. I also like the idea of sharing a namesake with my new family, and building something new out of it together.
That being said, I completely understand why people keep their last names. It’s not for me, but neither is changing it for some people.
Post # 11
I kept my last name. He knew that’s what I wanted, we didn’t even discuss it….although I did half-heartedly offer to hyphenate for social circumstances (but that hasn’t come to pass). We’re not having children, so that made it a particularly easy decision, although I’m not sure I wouldn’t have made the same decision. It just erks me that there’s an assumption that 1) I should take his name, wholly or as a hypenation, and 2) that children will have his name. I find all of the options of names (his/mine/hypen/new name all round/children hyphenated etc etc) to be problematic one way or the other.
Post # 12
My FI is taking my last name.
I may take on his bachelor name as a second middle name.
Post # 13
Firstly: a big warm welcome to the hive!!
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ETA: I just wrote a super long response to you question that isn’t showing.
Summary – I will change my name, I want my family to all share one name (though whether it’s hyphenated or not doesn’t matter so long as they’re the same). The only person I know who didn’t change left her husband for another man 18 months after their wedding. 🙁
Post # 14
I will eventually be taking his last name. I have stalled for various reasons money, time, laziness, anxiety etc. When we were filling out the paperwork for our marriage license I went into hysterics and started sobbing because I didn’t want to change it. Now I am just mildly opposed but know I have to do it. I hate the thought of giving up my name but I know it will make everything easier for future children to have just one family name.
Post # 15
I’m taking his last name for sure. I never even considered another option. Ever since I was little, I knew I would take my husband’s last name, whatever it was. I’m not particularly fond of my maiden name anyway. Convenience is just an added bonus.
Post # 16
- Wedding: May 2014 - Madison, WI
I am planning on keeping my name as a second middle name and taking FH’s last name. It may seem silly to some and outdated but I always thought of changing my name when I got married. Except when dating guys with horrible unpronounceable last names, LOL. Thankfully FH’s name is not like that, it’s Braun.
Many women I work with kept their last names. They have all told me it made things difficult with their children. That’s not a big part of my decision but since others mentioned it I thought I’d share. Seems like they spend a lot of time somehow proving they are in fact the child’s mother?! Even with their husbands on issues like insurance etc it is always an extra conversation, yes but my husband has a different last name..etc. While they all admit it has caused them issues none of them regret it completely, though one woman said if she could go back maybe she would change it for her daughters sake. At the time they gave their daughter both their last names but she said no one ever looked at more than just the husbands last name.